Spring break - kinda

So today ends our homeschooling torture for one week. Bobby’s stuff is *somewhat* sorted - we had a lengthy zoom session with his teacher which was somewhat useless since a) my wifi kept kicking me off and b) the teacher seemed to be as in the dark as we all were, but the one useful piece of information we got from her was that she doesn’t expect all of the work to be done. I think it’s going to be rough going for the first week now that everything is shifting from paper to computer - B is going to have to type everything instead of write, and will have to use an illustrator-type system to write out math problems - I think it’s going to slow us down a lot and have a steep learning curve. But B is excited to use the computer, so anything that makes him actually want to do the work, works for me. Theo’s stuff is still a hot mess. We haven’t been able to do hardly any of the assignments because the app either doesn’t work or they make no sense, and I am filled with terror that he’ll be held back a grade because of it. I tried to get the BF to work with him on it but he was even more frustrated than me and demanded I “ask to speak to the teacher’s supervisor” if she doesn’t get back to us, further proof he has zero understanding of how any of this works. She’s not a fucking retail clerk at Forever 21. Anyway. It was a relief to be able to say to him, “see? Do you see why I’ve been so frustrated and angry the last three weeks? This is my life every day!” He couldn’t even hack it for ten minutes. Sigh. 

I sent an initial inquiry to my bank as soon as they set up their Payroll Protection SBA web page - now I just have to wait for a call, which for all I know could be weeks away. I’m pretty frustrated with all these bail outs I had been hoping for - first the house refinance which I initially thought would be easy and a slam dunk; I haven’t heard from my loan guy in three weeks, and I’m starting to doubt I’ll even be able to refinance at all because literally every homeowner on earth is trying to do the same thing at the same time. Now these SBA loans - which for me are only up to $10,000 so more or less useless - are also so glutted with millions of people applying at the same time that who knows when or if I’ll ever get any money. 

To make matters worse, I got my first refund request the other night. I am in absolute terror of everyone suddenly deciding they’re broke and I’m a good place to get money from, since by Sept they won’t be able to afford to travel to a dance event anyway even if the event goes on. I know I need to prepare myself for lots more to come - it’s inevitable - but it’s really scary. If everyone wants their money back, that’s $100,000. I have $50,000 in the bank. You do the math. 

Speaking of math, I’ve been doing so much of it lately - trying to figure out how to stretch every last dime to make it to next February if this year’s event can’t go on, or if it does. Barring help via refinancing the house or SBA loans there’s no way, especially not if I have to refund even a small amount of attendees. Even half would cost me $50,000 which is every penny I have. Ugh. 

Anyway, I’m relieved to let school work go for a week. These kids happily entertain themselves now, so short of feeding them three times a day and making sure they brush their teeth, my presence is rarely required. On Earth 2 where Clinton won the election and we prepared properly for this pandemic and none of this nightmarish shit happened, I would be arriving in Houston right now ready to sing a wedding and another gig, then in two weeks I’d go to DC, then the next weekend a nice drive up to SLO. Then Amsterdam in May, and a two-week jaunt to Cleveland, NY and Boston in June. All of this is gone. I can’t even think about it, it’s so fucking depressing. My concerns would be getting the kids into a nice summer camp, getting my class schedule together for my event, helping the kids round out their school year. Instead...we’re doing this. I still can’t wrap my head around it.