Actually it was a good time with the donor siblings, and as I’ve noticed every year, gets less and less stressful as the kids get older and easier to manage. Either that or after all these years my tolerance for these long kid-tastic days has gotten better. It’s definitely a little of both.
Today Facebook showed me a picture of me on some outing three years ago with little three-year-old Bobby and one-year-old Theo. Omg they were so cute I want to rewind and go back and squeeze them real quick and then fast forward to today. I have no nostalgia for those difficult days - but they sure were cute!
Saturday night the BF and I went to see Gary Numan, a show I’d spontaneously bought tickets for months ago and almost forgot about. Like most of us I’d kind of lost the thread of his career after his mega hit Cars, but the show he presented was this wonderfully dark, thoughtful, emotional journey through his apocalyptic latest album...oh it was just what I needed in that moment. Yes, everything is terrible, and I’m scared, too, he seemed to say. Why is it a stranger saying what you feel is so incredibly healing? He opened the show with the hard hitting “Everything Comes Down to This”, which I have been binge listening to ever since. If that song isn’t a perfect descriptor of how I feel about the upcoming mid terms, I don’t know what is. Everything - EVERYTHING - depends on what happens in just a month. The weight of that is almost unbearable.
In happier news, over dinner before the concert the BF said appropos of nothing that he used to think he’d be fine with just dating me forever and now he sees that’s just not going to work, and he’s going to start saving up for a ring. I told him save his money, just get me something cute and vintage. I don’t ever want to talk about marriage with him because I don’t want there to ever be even the slightest thought of my having put the idea into his mind. I want to know if he does this thing that it was his idea. And of course I want that, too - I mean, why not? He’s the best man I’ve ever known, and he adores the boys and they adore him. I think we all deserve a little happiness in this shitshow, huh?
yay, that's awesome! look at how you just decided on the life you wanted and then went out and got it!
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