"Family" time

J surprised me this weekend by having both days free. The entire time I've known him he's worked seven days a week, often until late at night. So instead of planning to spend two days alone with the kids, I took a deep breath and invited him along.

Saturday we went to the splash pad downtown. Because I had a second adult there we were able to go to lunch after which is something I never would attempt by myself. Having someone else push the stroller and carry the heavy bags makes a huge difference to what you can do and what you feel like doing. It makes me wonder how many things I do or choose not to do just out of the sheer exhaustion of managing two small children by myself. It's not a comfortable thought.

I went to a local Smc meet and some friends asked how the dating was going, so I told them. One asked how I had the emotional energy for dating; that so many men are just like taking on another child. This is very true and something I grapple with a lot, although I do maintain that not all men are like that. Still I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about him moving in here some day and just how much housework/cooking/picking up this is going to add to my life. Just having two kids is already meaning laundry one to two times a week, groceries twice a week and garbage out twice a week as opposed to my old single self doing laundry, grocery shopping and putting out garbage only once every two-three weeks. More humans in a house makes for huge amounts more work. I'd like to think he's the kind of guy that would pitch in, but he works hard all day and I don't. If the situation were reversed I would definitely expect the person staying at home to at least attempt to run the household, two small children notwithstanding.

Are we better off with them than without them? I don't know that anyone knows the answer to this since nobody can do both at the same time. I think, much like choosing to have children on your own, it's not about better or worse; it's just something you do or something you don't do.

J was great with the boys, playing with them and insisting on feeding Theo who immediately won him over with his abounding cuteness. Of course now Bobby asks for him every five minutes because he is way more fun than mom. I asked J if this weekend made him feel like a dad. He said not yet, but that he could feel himself falling in love with them already. It was very sweet. He's a good man.