You can't always get what you want

This weekend I went to three birthday parties and had a gig Saturday night, so it meant seeing a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while and a lot of small talk about the pregnancy. Comments included, but were not limited to:

You definitely don't look nine months - more like seven! (they haven't seen me naked)

You look great! (Not true, but I appreciate the sentiment)

So, any day now, huh? (Not unless I have a horrible medical emergency)

And to the people I'm closer to, a recounting of my latest medical downturn. However I do feel a bit buoyed by a weekend full of normal blood pressure readings; I think even telling the doctors that I test myself all the time at home will at least make them feel like I'm taking this seriously and at least on some level being monitored. Maybe???

Anyway, I spent the day at birthday parties but then felt perfectly horrid that evening - really nauseated, tired and heavy, and like my belly was made out of cement. Oh, is this what's happening now - any amount of unusual activity and it sends me into a tailspin? I feel so incapacitated and shitty. Everything is such an effort now. All day I couldn't help but think this is how the elderly feel, those with chronic conditions - you just never feel well, and doing anything at all is a huge production. Thankfully at least some time from now this, for me, will end.

So how do I feel about a possible induction after thinking about it for a few days? Still not great, but I have to admit it would solve several problems - getting my sister out here, getting the babysitter here, and getting to the hospital. I hate to think about never getting to experience a spontaneous labor - but as noted, there's no saying that would be so great anyway, and heck, most women never get the birth experience they want. I always think of my friend who had a miserable lengthy back labor with her son, was determined to do it better the second time and got all set up with natural birthing techniques and a birth center, only to end up with a scary emergency c section. You can't always get what you want.

So now it really is just a matter of days - making it from one appointment to the next, one day to the next. I am going to start bringing my hospital bag to each appointment in case they don't let me leave. On some level it is kind of exciting - this really is it, the end! No matter what, six weeks from now there is no physical way I can still be pregnant. I made it through all of my hurdles - I got pregnant to begin with, I didn't miscarry, we passed all the genetic tests, we made it this far before hitting a bump in the road. Now just to get through the birth and we're home free.