"P" FN

I am considering myself "Pregnant For Now". Or maybe "A Little Pregnant" is a good way to put it. Why? Well, because we know how these things go - I could have had a positive yesterday and negatives from now on. I haven't even missed my period yet! So now...we wait.

You couldn't really tell from the picture but it was in fact a really strong line - undeniable. And you also may have noticed it was not a Dollar Store test. After testing again yesterday morning at 10 dpo and still stark negative, I decided to google "FRER vs Dollar Store". You ever notice if you change the wording of your google search that you get completely different results? Google Dollar Store pregnancy test and you get lots of glowing reviews; google what I did and you get lots of discussion about how the DS tests kind of suck now and actually have sensitivity to only about 50 ml as opposed to 25 ml for FRER. So I said the hell with it and went out to spend the $25 on three FRERs. Told myself I wouldn't test until this morning. Of course marched right into the bathroom and took it as soon as I got home. Positive!

What went on in my mind at that moment? It was more of a "well, of course!" moment than an "oh my God, I can't believe it!" moment. I just had to be! I'm just not the psychosomatic type. And I don't walk around nauseated for no good reason, either. But don't get me wrong - I'm fucking thrilled!!!

A little worried because I had no nausea at all yesterday - zip - and actually was voraciously hungry. So it could all go away. It could. But that's the nature of the beast - I remember last time sometimes being able to go to dinner parties and act totally normal, and other times I was glued to my bath mat for days on end wanting to die. The nausea I felt the last few days was totally manageable - I'd give it a 2 or a 3. Not the 9 or 10 I felt at this time last time. But again, all of this means nothing. In a week I could be in the hospital with a Zofran IV. Or I could be not pregnant and plotting my next move.

I spent much of the evening wanting to talk to someone...but so few people know this time, I could only send a few texts and put up my blog and enjoy your responses (thanks!). It all has to be so secretive. I hate that. But it's the way it is. Do I want to tell everyone that I lost the baby or terminated due to a fatal chromosomal condition? No. So for now I keep my mouth shut. 

I so hope this little guy or gal makes it. I told B he was going to be a big brother. I hope he can be gentle and loving. What I've just done will dramatically change the course of his life, and our family life, and the genetic continuance of our ancestors. Kind of cool, when you think about it!

I other news, this happened yesterday: