October desert visit

Just returned from our October desert visit. The weather was absolutely perfect, which made me that much sadder that we weren’t able to go at all the rest of the month. October and April are really prime time out there. 

We listened to game 1 of the World Series on the radio in the car on the way out. I’m not at all a sports fan, but I have to admit, being in east LA just minutes from Dodgers Stadium and having my hometown team (Yankees) vs the Dodgers this year is pretty thrilling, so I’ll be paying attention. I’ll never forget how we listened to the Dodgers World Series win on the radio in the car in an In-N-Out parking lot at the height of covid in 2020.

This weekend was surprisingly productive despite the goal of just being relaxing. We met with a water hauler who gave us lots of good advice on how to set up our gifted tanks, so I think we could be getting that set up in maybe a couple of visits, which would be life changing. In anticipation of that, the H built a shower corral on the side of the container, working all day in the hot sun yesterday. We just need a couple more panels of wood and some finishing touches (hooks, bench, place to hang the shower head) to make it workable. And of course the water. 

We had another lovely night under the stars in hammocks roasting marshmallows and also went to the Palms for a wacky music festival. I just love that place. It really is the desert equivalent of the East Village. We’re starting to be recognized there by the staff which is very gratifying.

Friday we had Theo’s Halloween carnival, for which I made the wise choice this year to donate items rather than volunteer (I still have ptsd from my stint as treasurer at the boys’ old school). It was funny how this time, Theo ran off with his friends while Bobby stuck to me like glue (because he didn’t know anyone there anymore, mostly). I asked him if it was weird to be at his old school, and he said yes. 

This week I’m going full bore into starting up my podcast again, but the takers have been few (I advertised in my FB group but only a couple of people have responded, so I’m guessing it may be a short season). I’ll just see how it goes. 

Now I have the complicated work of putting together my teacher lineup for my event, which I have to say gets more difficult every year. This year I have zoom meetings and consultations involved - it’s a big deal. The puzzle pieces will eventually fall into place, but right now everything is up in the air, and I’m going to have to let some people go, which sucks. 

Spooktacular times coming

We all survived the Vegas wedding. I looked like the late queen of England, and I’m ok with that. The boys were perfectly content with us frisbeeing a pizza at them in between the wedding and reception; we even tossed it in the room while yelling, “pizza!” in a creepy voice and shut the door - but they didn’t even notice because they were both on their VRs. Well, Bobby noticed, only to text us a laugh emoji. I was reminded of my loathing of Las Vegas - I wasn’t exaggerating how much I despise the place, being as it’s all about things that mean nothing to me; gambling, alcohol, and red meat. No thank you. Spent all week recovering, yet again, and have been massively procrastinating on a few event-related projects that I just never have the energy for. Bleh.

Bobby has a community service requirement at this school - five hours per semester - and last night we did half of it. One of my oldest dance friends runs a non-profit to make and distribute burritos to unhoused folks on LA’s skid row. I’ve donated to them from time to time, and always meant to go join in and volunteer, but this requirement finally got me to actually make a plan and go. I was very apprehensive - my general terror of interacting with new people was at an all-time high - but luckily we spent the hours making the burritos and didn’t make it to downtown (gotta be honest - skid row is pretty gnarly). The boys pitched in and did great - it didn’t hurt that the first person we saw was the boys’ babysitter who apparently volunteers every month. It was tiring, but I enjoyed it, and hopefully the boys will get a sense of satisfaction about it even though it’s not as fun as video games. I figure we’ll just do this every couple of months or so; I told another parent in case they were looking for volunteer opportunities for their kid, too. It’s not often I get parenting wins, but I feel like this was one.

Oh, and Bobby got straight A’s this semester so far. So I guess that’s two.

Tomorrow we have a Spooktacular day planned - pumpkin patch in the morning (sadly, the donor sibs couldn’t join us this time, but we’re going to try to get together this December), then costume shopping, then the puppet show (I had asked the boys if they were still interested in going to this, and Bobby immediately said, “YES. HOW IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION.”). Bobby decided he wasn’t too keen on being a plague doctor, so we returned his costume - I think he was weirded out by the bird beak mask (in my opinion, the best part). I hope to find something suitably ridiculous for myself. 

And so begins the Holiday Trifecta. We’ll have a nice night of trick or treating in Eagle Rock as we’ve done the last few years, then for Thanksgiving week we’ll remodel the boys’ room, then at Christmas we’ll go to Utah and hike The Wave (planning and booking this trip is another thing I’ve been grossly procrastinating about). In the meantime I’ve got an event to plan and hiring and firing to do. 

I had my annual checkup, which went well. I don’t know if I started the conversation but we pretty much spent the entire visit talking about menopause (which I’m not in yet). That topic really does take over your whole life when you’re in your fifties. My doctor is not opposed to HRT, nor am I, but I wouldn’t do it unless the symptoms were really unbearable. According to this week’s Science Vs. podcast, although HRT has gotten a bad rap in the past, there still are some risks (breast cancer, heart attacks). It seems like it’s a “how bad is it that you’re willing to accept this small risk”-type situation. How bad, indeed. Only time will tell. For now, these slightly irregular periods, having long outgrown their use, continue to be a nuisance. 

Here we are being volunteer-type people. 

Fear and loathing in LV

Tonight we head out to Las Vegas for friends’ destination wedding. I’ve known the groom since he was a young teenager some 25 years ago, and the bride from a few years after that. 

This whole trip is a bit slap-dash and I’m afraid I’m going to regret how little thought or planning I’ve put into it - other than obsessive-compulsively shopping all week for an outfit and coming up empty. I did get us a hotel room some months ago, but other than that there’s nothing planned or packed. The wedding happens at a chapel and then we drive somewhere else for the reception; we’re going to leave the kids in the hotel room all day, which I don’t feel great about, only to make a pit stop between wedding and reception to throw a pizza in their faces and leave them for a few more hours. We’ll see how all this goes. 

After trying on countless modern and vintage things - the dress code is blingy glitzy Vegas - I admitted failure and instead went with a tried and true 1940s look which is really the only way I know how to dress up. I’m old, and my body is in no shape to wear something clingy and sexy and good for a hot summer wedding. Maybe twenty years ago, but not now. My other similarly aged friend said she’s afraid she’s going to look like a nun compared to everyone else. I definitely feel that. But I’m just going to do the old tactic I developed in junior high when I realized I was too poor to compete with the rich girls and their Benetton and swatches - just don’t even try; do something completely weird and different. So I’ll wear one of my favorite pink 1940s dresses and a fabulous feathered hat and that’ll be that. 

One of the H’s co workers died suddenly last weekend, so he has the funeral today and then we’ll head out later tonight, probably rolling in around midnight if we’re lucky. Then tomorrow’s the long wedding day, then a kid-friendly pool party on Sunday and then we get home. 

For me, now on my third weekend out of town in a row, I am utterly thrashed - yesterday I crashed so hard I canceled my yoga class and just took a two hour nap in the middle of the day. I’d also gotten my flu shot earlier which may have been a contributing factor to my complete exhaustion. But I’m wrecked. All I’ve been able to do for the last three weeks is get home from a trip, do laundry and groceries, pack and unpack and then pack again and head out for the next trip. It’s taking a big toll.

Bobby’s orthodontist says she wants him to start “treatment” early next year - which means braces or Invisalign - before his bite becomes too set. So, that’s happening. Luckily Theo can wait so it doesn’t all happen at once. They have their doctor appointments in a couple of weeks, and I had mine yesterday, scheduled my long overdue first colonoscopy for January. 

And of course the elephant in the room of all this is our big (and possibly final) election looming just three weeks and change away. My confidence has waned quite a bit in the last couple of weeks - we’re at such a stalemate at this point that I now think there’s a good chance that the unthinkable will happen and the Orange one will win. In which case, I say what I said back in 2016, that we’ve proven we’re too stupid for democracy. If people really think the Democrats cause hurricanes and people really believe the Republicans aren’t gunning to remove women’s rights, then I just fucking give up. This is my way of emotionally preparing myself for the worst. I hope I’m wrong, I really do. I filled out and mailed my ballot the day I got it - not that my California vote means much - and got the text that it was recorded and counted. Here we go!

Spooky season

I love how Halloween is no longer just a day but a whole season. Yesterday on the 1st I did my annual Halloween decorating, just bought Bobby’s costume (plague doctor), and am planning on volunteering for Theo’s fall festival at the end of the month. If it weren’t nearly 100° today and for the whole next week, it would almost feel like fall.

I’m one third of the way through my trifecta of weekend trips - survived Chicago last weekend, now on to Eureka, CA on Friday and then a destination wedding in Vegas the weekend after. I’m slowly starting to engage in household projects - today I sifted through a giant tub of 20 year old tax stuff, throwing away most of it but shredding anything with sensitive information. Next week I’d like to start moving some of the family pictures out of the boys’ room (I don’t know if my soon-to-be teenagers necessarily need photos of their great-grandparents hanging on their walls - that seems like a powder room thing) in preparation for their big room transformation, and framing some art that’s been sitting around, some to take to the desert (prints) and some to hang here (originals). There are so many house projects - once again, every room, closet and drawer in this house needs a complete clean out and overhaul - but I’m just going to tackle one small thing at a time. These are the kinds of things my brain has room for once my event is over.

Yesterday marked the first 1st of the month that I haven’t had a mortgage payment. The silence on my bank account transactions was deafening. I also added the boys to my payroll as a way to save on taxes and put money away for school, as recommended by my accountant, so that process has at long last begun. 

In a strange turn of events, about 10 days after I got an email from KIA USA about my car now having a “case” opened about the battery issue, and not hearing anything during that time, I suddenly got a call from the dealer that my car had been fixed and was ready for pick up. Umm, what? So yeah. Got my car, turned in the loaner (they were unphased by the broken lock, thank god), and after nearly three months, it was all over. Weird! So a big exhale there - hopefully I can just drive this car into the ground and live payment-free for at least a few more years. 

How it went

On Wednesday, once the money from savings landed in my main account, I set about to do a wire transfer to the mortgage company…only to discover there was a limit on how much could be sent in one day, which would mean I would have to send wires over five days, which meant I would be past the date of the payoff quote amount. I decided to mail a cashier’s check instead. I had a lot of misgivings about sending a check of that magnitude off in the mail - I figured I’d send it FedEx with every insurance/signature required/return receipt protection possible, BUT STILL. When I asked for the check at the bank, the teller looked skeptical and said, “wouldn’t you rather do this by wire?” Apparently if you go to a bank they don’t have the same daily limits. Phew! So there was a lot of verifying of identity and signing of papers and double checking of information, and then it was done, all in just a few minutes. I couldn’t help but think to myself, “this is what rich people get to experience all the time.” Paying off debts. Freedom. Transferring large amounts of money like you’re buying a latte. No big whoop. For the first time since I was probably nineteen, I am completely debt free.

This won’t last, of course. Odds are I will need to dip into this house’s equity again someday, whether it be to support me in retirement, pay boys’ school or housing or business start up costs, whatever. But I can enjoy having a “free” place to live for the time being.

Then, of course, there’s the car situation. For nearly three months now, my car has malingered at the Kia dealer, and as of now there is no end in sight as far as when or if it can be fixed. Over a week ago a “case” was opened for me by Kia USA and they said I would be contacted; as of today I’ve heard nothing. So I have no idea if the car can be fixed, or if they’ll just offer me some low buy out of my now useless car, or if they’ll put me in a new(er) Kia. If all of this involves having to get a new car, I’m a bit torn. I hate that this is happening right as I have no money for a down payment to keep a payment relatively low; but I also don’t want to settle for some shitty used car that I never would have chosen for myself under different circumstances. I would like 4WD for desert purposes, but I don’t know if I’m willing to give up the Niro’s spectacular gas mileage for something I’ll rarely, if ever, use. I had hoped to jump over to Subaru next, but they only offer a hybrid in the Forester which is just too much car for me. And expensive. Sigh. The uncertainty of all of this is really getting to me. I’ve not been bothering to contact Kia USA myself because the next three weeks are impossible - I leave Wednesday for Chicago; then the following Friday for northern CA for a jazz festival, then the following Friday for a wedding in Vegas. I have zero time to do any real research or work on this, and I’m only home a handful of weekdays and no weekends for three more weeks. I’m completely overwhelmed and just want my car back so I can drive a free car for the next 5-7 years. But that’s the least likely scenario. Most likely I’ll be out my car and be stuck with a $500-$700 car payment. Ugh!

Add into this stress, the fact that Theo has a diorama to be made by Friday that we haven’t even started, and I leave Wednesday morning. The H and I both freaked out about this this morning and I spent all day and $60 at a craft store buying supplies; now we just have to build everything (thankfully I did have Theo fill out the 12 3x5 cards for his presentation about it, so we know what things need to be depicted). Can I just say how much I despise these projects? Last time - 3rd grade? - Theo’s teacher, bless her soul, had the kids make them in class so the parents couldn’t take over. He didn’t do particularly well, but at least it was an even playing field. When the kids have to work on them at home, it only means one thing - the parents end up doing it. I’m expecting to spend pretty much all of my remaining time this week working on this, and I hate it so much. I so hope this is the last one we ever have to do.  

In other news, Bobby is doing well in school - all As and Bs, apparently - and I’ve set up a plan for a “big boy bedroom” that I figure we’ll implement over Thanksgiving week, a week for which we had no plans anyway. It’s going to involve stripping everything out of there, getting rid of tons of stuff, painting, installing new light fixtures, and all new furniture. It’s going to be a huge job that will probably take about 4 days and cost about $2000. It’s a huge change - the biggest since I first had them move into that room together at 1 1/2 and 3 1/2. And most likely this will be the last configuration of that room until they’re adults. When they’re gone, it’s going to be my fabulous vintage dressing room. 

Milestone accomplished (almost)

After a week of wringing my hands, the house payoff quote finally arrived yesterday, and hurrah, it is exactly my balance. I immediately initiated a large transfer from my savings to checking, which will take a couple of days, and then I set up a bank transfer on probably Thursday, and then it’s done. I am officially mortgage free. 

I had a conversation with the one friend I trust with this information, and it was interesting the difference in perspective. Having no children, she sees her paid off house as hers to do with as she wishes; she imagines at some point she’ll sell it and downsize to a condo or apartment and live off the profit. Having kids, I see this house as theirs, and something I want to leave behind intact, not with money still owing or sold for me to live off in my final years. She pointed out that if I do manage to live into my 90s, these “kids” will be middle aged men with their own homes and careers; they shouldn’t *need* a house to be left to them. I tend to forget this - having come from a long line of poor people who left nothing behind (no money, no property), I tend to want to “do better” for these kids. But is anyone entitled to an inheritance? Not really. You need the money when you’re young and starting out, not when you’re in your 40s or 50s (hopefully). I have life insurance for them, and depending on when I kick off maybe some leftover money. Maybe I need to shift my perspective. That’s not to say it’s bad to try to keep this place mortgage free and to not use it as an ATM, but maybe give myself the grace to do that if it becomes necessary. 

So I have (or will have, within days) accomplished one of my greatest goals, which is to pay off the house I wisely bought at 29 in 2001, at the age of 52, while my kids are still young. And now that extra money can go to their school funds, and my retirement. And maybe an international trip or two, to boot.

Last weekend we did a quick desert trip to open the place up after being shut down for nearly four months. As with last year, the spiders and scorpions had taken over, but only the ground floor, and they were all dead. It didn’t take much to dust the place off and make it inhabitable again. It’s easy to forget that at this time last year we still didn’t have stairs or an overhang or any furniture in the place. We had a lovely night under the stars in the hammocks - it was too warm, even, for a campfire - and the next day got on the road before the mid-90s temperatures crept in. We won’t be able to get out there again until the end of October, which bums me out more than you can imagine. I can’t wait until the kids are more self-sufficient and I can sneak off to the place by myself in the middle of the week. 

Heat wave

Our week long wicked heat wave has finally come to an end, and temperatures are headed to the low 70s by next week. It’s symbolic for me - event is over, summer is over, moving on to the new phase. 

I had wanted to spend the weekend at the cabin last weekend but knew temperatures may not allow it; I was correct, it was 104°. But we did have tickets to Polyphonic Spree at Pappy & Harriet’s in Pioneertown, so we opted to just drive out for the night. I had a lot of misgivings about the whole plan - keeping the kids out late, at a bar, in the heat, to see a band I barely know and they don’t know at all? It was looking like a “better in concept” situation for a minute. But thankfully it all worked out. The last time we tried to go to Pappy & Harriet’s was during the pandemic when everything was sort of half-open and disheveled; this time it was a really good experience, with good food and cool people. We even got to sit in a booth and watch the band, so Theo could lie down and I didn’t have to stand. And the band, in that tiny space, was fantastic. They always have stellar music there. I looked at the H and said when the kids are graduated from school we seriously need to just move out there and go to concerts and enjoy our lives. I was half kidding. 

I’m pleased to report so far, a month into the new school year, both kids are doing great. As you know I had concerns about Bobby just because of all the changes, but so far he seems to be managing his time and doing his work with minimal complaint, as is Theo. The library pickups have worked out great, and that’s been a huge relief. 

Right now I’m anxiously awaiting my house pay off quote - I made the mistake of googling the topic today and found that in most cases the pay off price will be more than your posted balance. However, it doesn’t look like much more - maybe $3000? So I shouldn’t be in for any huge surprises, but again, I just don’t know. And I don’t know when exactly this quote will arrive in the mail. I may not get it until next week some time. Getting all of that squared away and paid and recorded will be amazing. I don’t feel I can really exhale until that happens.

Speaking of exhaling, I was also able to exhale a bit after last night’s presidential debate, which I had a lot of anticipatory anxiety about. The H came home early to watch with me and then we watched hours of analysis after. I’m glad to be with someone who’s on the same page about this stuff as me - and who has the same level of interest. While I was kind of hoping the orange turd would drop dead on live TV, short of that, I’ll take what we got, which was him looking ridiculous and on the defensive and Kamala being fierce and controlled. Will this win us the election? I don’t know - my certainty in that department has been waning lately - but I know it didn’t hurt us. Two more months. God (that I don’t believe in) help us all.