Four months

Co parenting

My sister's week-long visit ended yesterday...and my week-long trip to Kauai begins first thing tomorrow morning. At this moment I am definitely thinking...what the hell was I thinking???

The visit was great, but exhausting for all of us. Poor keyed-up Bumpus screamed and cried much of the first few nights when I put him to bed; the baby didn't do much better. My sleep deprivation is starting to enter epic proportions and it's scaring me a little. But that's a whole other post.

Let me just say it was great having an extra pair of hands - I didn't change a poopy toddler diaper nor prepare a breakfast for a whole week. Theo hardly cried (except in the car) because there was always someone to hold him. Getting in and out of the car seemed to happen at lightening speed with each of us getting one child into his carseat at the same time. These visits are my only peek into the world of having a partner - and I can easily see how one could get used to it. Still, I can see how another adult around who is not the mother can have its pitfalls. There's the ever-present "I thought you were watching him" issue; another person's needs to be aware of and met, and just the extra noise/work/excitement another human being brings to the table. Yes, co-parenting is a whole other animal, for sure.

We did do a lot of fun activities, though - even had a "date night" out with a sitter and had some great sushi (non-fish for me) followed by a fascinating movie (Boyhood). Such a nicer time when you're not pregnant and nauseated!!!

B's comprehension of/sensitivity to change in routine and surroundings is becoming more apparent. My little easy-going baby is turning into a sensitive preschooler who throws a screaming, kicking fit when you try to get him to wear new shoes, and gets super hyper when there's new people around. It makes me very worried for my week in Hawaii, and also for my event in a month. Oh well. It's going to be a bit of a roller coaster until September but once fall hits we'll have a nice, consistent routine. Until then - all bets are off!

Splishin' and a-splashin'

I can honestly say we had a blast today. It's the most fun I've seen Bumpus have in ages. We took the train downtown to a large public splash pad to meet up with a friend, and much to our delight and surprise one of B's preschool teachers was there with a visually impaired kids' group, and she took it upon herself to include him in all their games, which he loved. I love, love, love that B is so personable and loves people so much. He's completely fearless about joining groups and making friends. He has such confidence. I find that delightful.

So he and his little friend played all day in the water, and I was reminded how much better this year is than last year at this time. I took him to this splash pad a lot last summer but it was a bit of a futile exercise; at just over one, he had no attention span and was far more interested in running off, climbing stairs, playing in the (ugh) puddles leaking out of the public restrooms than actually enjoying the splash pad. Also he slipped and fell a lot and hit his head on the concrete. Aghhh! That age is so frustrating! And next summer it'll be Theo's turn!

Here are some pictures of Bumpus playing ring around the rosie. We both burned a bit but it was worth it!

 

Après moi, le deluge

It's that time of year again - price increase time! The early bird rate for my event expires Tuesday night. Which means about half the people try to cram in in the last couple of days. It's a heady time. And begins the only two months of the year that I actually have some money in the bank, often prompting calls from bank managers asking how they can "help" me. As soon as I tell them all of the money will be gone by mid-September they get off the phone mighty quick.

Today I took B to the Baby Kennel and spent the day doing mountains of paperwork. I'm pleased to say it is now done, and it's looking good. I might just have a record breaking year this year. How exciting! I still probably won't have much money at the end of it, but hey - my hospital bill is paid, the sewer disaster is behind me; I see brighter days ahead, financially.

One thing I may do is put B back on Kaiser. It occurred to me recently that this winter while we all suffer various plagues again, it's going to be pretty disastrous to have to take the kids to two separate urgent care centers - I mean, picture them both with high fevers and me terrified; which one do I treat first? It just seems dumb to have them registered with two separate HMOs when the only difference is about $80 a month. So I'm pretty sure once my event is over I'm going to pull out of Health Net and get back on the Kaiser system for all of us.

So this begins the deluge for me personally and professionally - my sister arrives Tuesday for a week stay, then two days later we leave for Hawaii for a week, then once I get home my event is (gulp) a month away. Sooo much to do still. But it's ok. I've run this event sixteen times. If I don't have it somewhat smoothly running by now then maybe I need a career change!

Happy 4th!

I actually had, dare I say it? a decent 4th of July for once yesterday. The daytime was a bit of a slog - I was afraid to deal with crowds and noise so I kept us home...ughhhh - but at night I went to an awesome Steve Martin concert at The Hollywood Bowl. There were not-too-loud fireworks and great patriotic songs. I'm so glad I got those tickets months ago. 

Last year, if I remember correctly, I sat at home bored and did nothing; the year before I was in Boston with Bumpus at Theo's age and that was fun...the year before that was awful, though - having just had the chemical pregnancy, then my parked car was smashed by a hit and run driver (and I was on the hook for the $500 deductible, which I have since lowered). Yeah, I'll take this fourth over that one, for sure! Back then I didn't really know how to laugh when things just get too bad for words. But I guess losing a potential baby after months of trying isn't exactly a laughing matter.

Faced with three days before my sister visits with zero plans and no one to see, I made the executive decision to take B to the Baby Kennel tomorrow even though with him attending preschool there now there's no reason to use the place on weekends. But something in me this morning just couldn't hang, so I called in a reservation. I will have lunch with a friend and then spend the afternoon trying to get on top of this mountain of paperwork. It's not exactly fun but it will make me feel a lot better going into my sister's visit, and my big price increase week, knowing the event is up to date.

Right now I am attempting another afternoon nap time. B is banging around in his room. I guess you can't force these kids to sleep - but you can at least give everyone a break in the afternoon. An hour or two "off" is pretty incredible and makes me wonder why I didn't try this sooner. 

I have a big, important, stressful gig tonight. I have to sing five new songs with no rehearsal and, since my event is so close and everyone will want to talk to me about it, I will have to be super friendly and "on" all night, which I find exhausting. Looking forward to my time off tomorrow, let me tell you.

The fox, the chicken, and the bag of grain

I have my car back. Pickup went seamlessly, and I even feel more confident about installing/uninstalling carseats now. However, I am not convinced the car is ok to drive. After telling me the trouble started from Jiffy Lube "over filling" the oil by two quarts, the dealership instead told me today that the cap on the oil pan was loose, and that I had lost two quarts of oil, and the oil spilling onto the hot exhaust pipe caused the white smoke. So all they did was give the car an oil change. Huh.

When I got home, though, there was water dripping out of the bottom of the car in a big pool in my garage. Eventually it stopped - and it was not oil, it was definitely water - but that makes me not too confident about driving tomorrow. Ugh. Does the fun ever start???

So much of parenting, and especially parenting two kids, reminds me of that old puzzle about the fox, the chicken, and the bag of grain that have to be transported to the other side of the river in one boat. But you can't leave the chicken and the grain alone, or the fox and the chicken. Unfortunately I still have to keep Bumpus and Theo separate, which leads to all kinds of logistical puzzles. For breakfast I put Theo in a bouncy seat, but have to put it beyond a baby gate because Bumpus can't be trusted with Theo close to the floor like that; but then Theo gets sick of the chair and starts screaming, but doesn't want me to put him in the baby carrier and instead wants me to hold him, but I can't hold him and feed B and myself...there are a million situations like this every day; mostly I just manage somehow (usually by leaving poor Theo wailing somewhere). But having been in close contact with a new person (my floor guy's assistant, who drove me to the dealer and rode with me today so she could take her boss's car back) and seeing my life through her eyes, it does all look really difficult...and dreary. Screaming kids, me frazzled and exhausted...I could just see this woman (married, no kids) heading home, collapsing into her husband's arms, and thanking God they made the decision not to have children. 

Yeah, it can be really hard at times. But there is an enormous satisfaction to tackling every day and ending it with two healthy kids snug in their beds. And it does get easier all the time - and by "it" I mean Bumpus. He is progressing in leaps and bounds - every day doing more, saying more, engaging more. I love that he loves books now, and I can finally read to him and he imitates the noises I make for the animals, the trucks, etc. I still find myself fantasizing about the boys being older a lot - all the things we can do, how easy it'll be when I don't have to cart around diapers and strollers and sippy cups. But for now I'm just in it - every day is a hill to be climbed with a nice iced tea at the top of it. 

Two things that can't happen when you're a single parent

Today sucked. I always said the two things that can.not.happen when you're a single parent is car trouble and sickness. I've already had the fun pulling over to puke with kids in the car experience; today I got to have the car breaking down experience.

I went to meet my new floor guy at the hotel where my event is held, down by LAX. Everything was fine until the valet drove up with my car, and to my horror there was a vast billow of acrid white smoke coming out of the tailpipe. This had not been the case when I arrived just 20 minutes before. What the hell?

Luckily the floor guy and his assistant were still with me, so we all drove to a mechanic they know to take a look at it, while people honked and waved to tell me there was something wrong with my car. The mechanic took a break from watching the World Cup to pop the hood - he said I was definitely burning oil and that it looked like oil was in the combustion areas of the car, and I should take it to the dealer since it's under warranty. It was 3:00, I had to pick up B from preschool at 5:30, I was all the way on the other side of town, and Theo was screaming for a feed. It was a nightmare.

In the end the assistant drove her car and I drove mine to a dealer about a half hour away; it was too late for me to have it fixed so I had to leave it. I had to take out both car seats, the stroller, phone charger, B's books, everything else I could think of that I might need in case this became a lengthy process, and we headed back to the floor guy's place who then let me borrow his car, bless 'm!

We wrestled with the car seats for probably a half hour, then I had to feed the screaming Theo, then I headed out to pick up B nearly two hours late. Thank God this is the same place that has the evenings & weekends program he is already registered for! All I had to do was call and tell them I was going to be late and have him have dinner there. Can you imagine if he were somewhere that closed at five or six? What would I have done???

He was super happy and bouncy when I went to get him...but then was a kicky, slappy mess by the time we got home. I let the baby scream in the living room while I got B into his overnight diaper and pyjamas. I thought he must have been exhausted. For the record it's 9 PM and he's still bouncing around in his room. All righty then.

Thankfully Theo went down with a quick feed; maybe all these shenanigans will mean we can all sleep in a little more tomorrow...yeah, right!

The dealer called to tell me that Jiffy Lube had overfilled the oil tank by two quarts which was what caused the problem - this was weeks ago, so I shudder to imagine what this did to the rest of the car. I don't know if I'll be able to get my car tomorrow or not...let's hope this resolves quickly. I don't know how long this good faith loan of this car is meant to last for!

So I am thirsty, hungry, exhausted, and fed up. Today would have been a great day to have a partner who can help. But in the absence of that, at least I had friends who went way out of their way to help.