But all of us came into the event pretty broken from a week of news coming out of Minnesota under seige, and then once that man was executed in the street on Saturday morning we all just lost it. It was all anyone could talk about, and I was pissed I was stuck doing this instead of joining my neighbors protesting. Sometimes it’s good to escape into a dance event, but this weekend it just felt wrong. On top of everything else, we held a memorial Sunday for one of our swing dance elders who passed recently, and I knew I’d have to deal with an old friend who’s turned into a MAGA monster, and despite my many machinations to keep her away from me, she ended up sitting a seat away from me and bombing me with a hug which I had no choice but to participate in. And we were all a blubbering mess and it was EXTREMELY stressful.
As one always does at funerals, it made me reflect on my position in the world as a torch bearer for this swing dance thing I’ve been doing for now 30 years (this woman was herself a weekly venue runner who “kept the lights on” as it were). And my position right now is very precarious. Two more awful things happened that could dramatically affect how this year goes for me financially - one is, the hotel told me they won’t be adding anymore rooms to my block because of yet another big concert at the SoFi Stadium during my weekend, which, considering how concerned I am that I can even sell the rooms I have, is not, in and of itself, that much of a big deal, but in sending me my current pick up report, I discovered that my room block is all screwed up. I have a huge amount of rooms to sell on Thursday night, which I will never be able to sell. I was able to fix this for last year and somehow thought that change applied to my two remaining years; it did not. This was my mistake, of course, but according to my contract I’m not allowed to change this now. So, as I’ve done many times before, I had to send an email begging them to fix this. I’ve now been waiting on pins and needles for a week with no response. Then yesterday I get an email from Stripe telling me my account is “under review” and that I have to show documentation proving I have enough money in my account to cover refunds. Remember how two years ago they withheld 30% of my income until two weeks after my event ended?? I am TERRIFIED they’re going to pull that shit again, and this time I will not survive it since I’m making so much less money and they’re (possibly) doing this in January and not June. Last year I just sent them I think $2000 to hold in an account and that was sufficient. Why are they not doing that again? Why is this year different? I don’t understand, but this is the worst possible time to be pulling this crap. Plus I’m full of anxiety about how my price increase/contest launch is going to go on Sunday (I think I’m going to be pretty behind my usual) so all of this at once, plus how much the world sucks right now, is almost too much to bear. I’m a wreck.
I suppose it doesn’t help that I just got yet another period after finishing one two weeks ago (hello, endless perimenopause) and I’ve now been dieting for three weeks with about five pounds lost. That part I’m pretty happy about. Ten more to go!
I told the kids that we wouldn’t be able to do our usual big trampoline birthday party again, despite having said we would. Last year cost an astounding $1500 or so dollars, and there’s just no way. I also think I’m going to have to shelve the concept for our summer Colorado road trip; it’s all mapped out, but I hadn’t paid for anything yet, in anticipation of a rough year. I don’t think it’s going to be possible. What can we do instead? Should we do anything instead? We don’t HAVE to do a summer trip. We could go camping during the week somewhere, or do a modified road trip closer by, shorter, and thereby cheaper. I could start over and map something like that out. The kids were understanding, of course. The reality is, they never get invited to giant parties like they used to, which tells me either a) they’re just not being invited and/or b) kids just aren’t doing them anymore. As much as I liked to connect with the parents and see these kids my kids always talk about, I have to admit I’m not sorry to see the era of the big party pass me by. Trying to wrest parents’ contact info is almost impossible, plus the stress of people not showing, and then the expense of it all - it kind of sucks. I told them both they could invite a friend or two to do some kind of activity - go to Knott’s Berry farm, go to a movie, play games, something. But I think they’re relying on me to orchestrate all that and I just don’t want to. I can come up with a concept for two family parties with cakes and presents but beyond that, right now, I’m tapped out.
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