Fun times…not

My wallet was stolen out of my car yesterday. Late in the day I decided to get off my lazy duff and go walk around the Rose Bowl as I do nearly every day but usually much earlier. By the time I got there yesterday it was pretty empty. But I parked near other cars, tossed my purse in my trunk, locked the car, and headed out. An hour later I got back to an unlocked car, and immediately knew I had been robbed. Sure enough, my purse was on top of the bags I had hidden it under in the trunk, minus my wallet. You’re always in shock when something like that happens - you think, did I somehow leave my wallet at home? Did it drop under the car? But no. Somebody had watched me put my stuff in the trunk and had managed to get into my car, either with some clicker skeleton key, or the car sensor had unlocked itself as I walked away (this wouldn’t be the first time that has happened), because I remember walking around to lock the door, so I know I didn’t forget to lock it. The idea of someone watching me, when I was mostly alone on this long trail, really gave me the creeps. I always carry pepper spray, but still. There was a shady looking guy sort of meandering on a bike. I’m pretty sure it was him. He clearly was not there for a work out. 

So, a few frantic hours calling to cancel the three credit cards and three debit cards in my possession (none had any charges), and having to call my health insurance since the next day they were due to charge my premium to my credit card, and calling car insurance to get new cards sent…and now living with no credit or debit cards for a week plus while I wait for new ones, which is already causing all sorts of problems and complications, and wracking my  brain to think of what else I had in there…my library card, which can wait; luckily I had duplicate health insurance cards at home, and my license was on me. It’s nothing like some 15 years ago when my purse was stolen from a gig with my keys, checkbooks, wallet, and phone, which lead to shutting down my bank accounts, having to be driven home and breaking in to my own house, changing all my locks, having my car towed, etc etc…and those people were professional identity thieves who used my license for years after to mess me up. God, I hate these fucking people. 

Now I don’t feel safe at the Rose Bowl anymore even though intellectually I know as long as I don’t store valuable shit in my trunk (something I never felt comfortable doing) and go early when everyone is there is perfectly safe, and probably safer than any other trail I could take, even my own neighborhood. I’m definitely never bringing my purse again when I know I’m going to be walking somewhere - I don’t need all that shit. I’m also only carrying my credit and debit cards - the others can live in my safe since I almost never use them. And I really should be tying all my auto-pays to my bank account and not my credit card, since every couple of years this card gets compromised and I have to call a thousand companies to switch payments over. Seriously, F that. So I’m going to change the way I do some things to hopefully avert a disaster like this again in the future. It sucks that no matter how careful you think you are, someone can always get you if they decide to target you. Makes you feel so vulnerable and scared. 

I contacted the desert contractor yesterday as I’ve been doing the middle of each week, and he pretty much admitted nothing has gotten done. I don’t think he’s worked on it once this entire month. He had a family member die of covid and has been dealing with that, and every crew he hires quits after just a day or two. Sigh. What a mess. I asked him if he thinks he’ll be able to finish on his own with no help, and he said yes, but was asking for another month-six weeks’ time. So, mid-November. What can you do? I mean, I could fire him and try to get my money back, and then have a half-finished building left open to the elements and vulnerable to thieves out there for months while I try to find someone else (which I won’t). Or I can just take a deep breath and tell him to keep going, which is what I did. It sucks that we’re going to miss this entire fall out there…but again, when I look at my calendar I see no open weekends until November, anyway, so does it matter that it’s not done…? It’s just frustrating and scary, because I don’t know if I can trust this guy or not. I *think* he means well but is just a disorganized mess; if he were chipping away at it I’d feel better, but like I said I don’t think anything has happened out there for weeks. 

In other, happier news, tomorrow the holiday trifecta kicks off with me decorating the house for Halloween, listing some costumes on my Etsy store, and preparing a spooky secret Santa-style gift for someone in my FB feminist group. This may be our first sort-of normal holiday season, and I’m here for it. We plan on trick or treating. It’s a shame the school can’t do their normal super fun Halloween carnival, but that’ll just have to wait. 

I decided to take a break from the 5:2 fasting diet and try something new. I haven’t lost a pound in ages - only slowly gaining - and, regardless of the fact that the real reason I’m gaining is I’m eating too much on my non-fast days, it still means I’m stuck in a rut and what used to work for me no longer works for me. So, in the fasting vein still, I decided to give a little delayed fasting a try; since it’s really easy for me to skip breakfast and not eat until lunch, I’ve been doing that this week. So I eat a normal lunch at noon or one and then a normal dinner at 6 or 7 and then that’s it. It’s just a way to fool myself into consuming fewer calories. I’m already down 4lbs. Water weight, I know, but encouraging nonetheless. If I can just lose 4-5 more I’d be happy. That’s when I feel really good and all my clothes fit. I intend to go slowly, take weekends off, etc. I think I can do it. It’s a lot less brutal than earmarking two days a week to only eat 500 calories. That system does work, don’t get me wrong - but right now this one seems a little more doable. We’ll see how it goes.

One down, one to go

My supplemental grant finally came through late Friday night. I don’t know when the funds will appear, but the paperwork is signed. This should be the last of that grant’s funds…now comes the awesome responsibility of documenting how all the funds were spent. I set myself up for a mostly easy ride - I should just have to print payroll reports and bank reports showing all the refunds I’ve issued, plus a couple of invoices and flight payment receipts - but it’s still nerve wracking. What if they don’t accept some of my documentation or expenses? I won’t really be able to exhale until the grant is completely closed out. I’m not sure when that will be. I’m thinking I’ll get to work on it in January. 

In other news, my cabin rehab has ground to a halt. The contractor has not disappeared, thankfully, but his crew has, repeatedly, and he had a family member die of covid, and he’s just been barely pecking away at it by himself. I don’t think any progress at all has happened in the last month. While our weekends are filling up so I doubt we’d be able to get out there in the next month anyway, it still bums me out that this has all taken so long, and that the fall is slipping away without being able to spend any time out there. I also worry that it will never get done, or that it will get done but so haphazardly and with such cheap materials that we’ll have to fix a lot of it. Sigh. I am attending a wedding out there in two weeks and was hoping to spend the weekend in the cabin - looks like I’ll be making a long drive home instead. 

Covid numbers are dropping like a rock. Suddenly articles are popping up - including one written by my epidemiologist friend - stating there’s a good chance there will be no winter surge, or barely one, and that we’ll more or less have this thing beat by spring. By “beat”, of course, we mean only in the western world, and only in states with high vaccination rates, and only kind of. But hey, I’ll take it. I often wonder if by next Labor Day I’ll still be required to check for vaccines for my event, either by the state or just community standards. In a way I want to just to continue to alienate all the right wing bastards that tormented me when I opened up - but in a way I don’t want the hassle, either. It’s so hard to say where we’ll be in three months, six months, a year. For me personally, I just hope that a) kids can get vaccinated this fall, b) kids can stop wearing masks at school at some point, and c) we can stop doing the “daily pass” for school every morning at some point. Those would be the three things that would greatly improve my quality of life. 

I’ve started trip planning again. We decided to once again do a Thanksgiving on the road. One of the last areas of CA I’ve been interested in is California along the 395 - hot springs, Bodie, scenery. So I booked us three nights in a strange hotel called the Amargosa Opera House near Death Valley (we drove by this last time and thought it deserved a second look) so we can spend two more days exploring there (it will be so much better in a car we can take off roading and with me not being in constant miserable pain from my frozen shoulder). Then we head up to an old school Alpine-like inn in Mammoth Lakes for some ghost town and hot springs exploring. I have also managed to get a really good deal at a Radisson on Fiji for our honeymoon in July and $1000 off flights. I think there are good deals to be had right now because Fiji is only just now opening to tourists again. Anyway I managed a week in Fiji at about half the normal price, so yay me. 

The boys are doing well at school and continue to test negative. Bobby has his first project due next month, which is all too appropriately about California’s desert regions. We had our family photos done yesterday - here’s a preview:

Deep talks

Last week the boys had Thursday off for Yom Kippur. As I despise making the kids lunch, we went to In N Out. Our standard order is: me - grilled cheese, iced tea; Bobby - cheeseburger with no tomato or onion, fries, neopolitan shake; Theo - double double, neopolitan shake. We order in the drive thru and then get out of the car to eat in their outdoor area. You know, covid protocols. I decided now was as good a time as any to tell the boys, “did you know the minute you’re born is the minute you start dying?”. Bobby responded, “well, thanks for putting that thought into my head…” 

Yes, he is his mother’s son. 

That same night, dad was working late and I was watching a documentary on Netflix about the remarkable gay rights activist Peter Tatchell. Bobby as usual came out of his room and crawled into bed with me in an effort to stave off bedtime. Normally I would send him right back, but he seemed quite interested in the documentary and I thought this would be a good time to have some important discussions. He watched for quite a while in silence, and at a certain point I asked him if he understood anything that was going on. He said not really, so I explained. I was shocked he forgot what gay meant - at this moment our neighbors on all three sides are gay and they have lots of friends with gay parents - but he remembered right away when I explained; I also took the opportunity to explain human rights, free speech, prejudice and religious bias, as all these things featured in the movie. He couldn’t believe in Russia you can’t speak out against the president. It’s sweet and sad to know that kids his age have no idea what a shit world this can be. I also took the opportunity to explain what a hero Tatchell is, how relentless and brave, and how his childhood of being bullied by a cruel stepfather caused him to want to spend his life standing up for oppressed people. I’m in awe of this person. Especially after seeing him make peace with his very religious, sweet mother - something I was never able to do with my mother who was also a basically good person trapped in her ideology - it was very poignant for me. I hope Bobby learned a few things. He seems to get it - he’s a very empathetic, thoughtful kid. I hope these moments have an impact on him. 

We had a long talk with both kids on 9/11 and I could tell the things we told them about our personal experiences - how it was one of the worst days of our lives, how traumatized we all were, how it changed our lives forever - was surprising to them. I think they thought of it as some distant historical event (how could they not?) that doesn’t really have any relevance today. Hopefully we disabused them of this. 

For now, life around here is surprisingly…good. Now that the stress of my event is behind me, I have my sense of calm and well being back. Having the house to myself during the day is magical, and I’m getting a lot of long delayed projects done, which feels good. I’m giddy about the upcoming wedding (sent our Save the Dates last week, so it’s officially “on”), and am starting to plan some other road trips for us. We’ve had a couple of concerts cancel - Gary Numan, Adam Ant - but also have a couple coming up that hopefully will actually happen; The Rolling Stones, X. The supplemental grant I’ve been waiting a few weeks for *might* start being disbursed by the middle of next week. There’s no guarantee I’ll actually get it - but it’s fairly likely. Then in just three more weeks the local version of that grant becomes available, so more opportunity there. I’ve also now made $300 off my Etsy store. I will spend this entire week hustling to get more listings up. I have a huge rack of clothes just waiting to be sold. Can’t wait to send them off to their new homes. 

Another successful election

We get to keep our governor, phew! Not that I was very concerned, but like all of us I’m still traumatized by 2016 and convinced unless it’s a presidential election, Democrats are asleep at the wheel. But not yesterday. BS Republican recall effort defeated. I can exhale. For now. 

School continues on sans covid infections. Los Angeles covid rates are dropping. My epidemiologist friend wrote an article that predicted we could very well nail this thing - between adult vaccines, upcoming kid vaccines, and natural immunity from this summer’s infections, it’s just possible we’ll beat this thing in the next few months. God, I hope so. To be able to go into next year running my event with confidence could be truly amazing. I’m starting to think that even if we have a surge over the winter it may not be a giant one, due to most people being immune on purpose or by accident. Can’t wait for kid vaccines to be approved. Maybe in a couple of months? 

Today I started up my Etsy store. As expected, it was a ton of work. I worked on it an entire day and only got about ten listings up. You can see why people don’t want to bother with this and just let things languish in their closets instead. There’s a big learning curve, and I still have a lot of basic setup to do. But as I was adding listings, two things sold. I was unprepared for that. So tomorrow I have to figure out how I’m going to ship these things. I want to get them out quickly so I don’t risk bad reviews. Out of one customer service nightmare and into another, huh? 

Our cabin renovation drags on. The contractor has told me it will be another month. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter - right now I have at least one thing I have to do here each weekend that would make it impossible to get out there before mid-October anyway - but again, my big fear is he’ll just drop the ball and never finish. As far as I know all that’s happened in the last month is he put some siding on. There’s still no roof, door, or windows, and the bathroom building hasn’t even been begun. Sigh. 

The F and I hammered out our wedding invites. Assuming everyone brings all of their kids, we easily hit 100 people. It’ll cost me $2000 more to go over 100 people. Comfortably I’d really like about 120 for some people stuck in the “maybe” file. I have the Save the Dates addressed and ready to go, just waiting on special stamps I ordered. The F is inviting people he hasn’t seen or spoken to since we first got together six years ago. I’m slightly annoyed by this; but I also get that he needs his people, too, and these people are basically his family since he doesn’t really have any. They lean right wing and are big drinkers and partiers - in complete opposition to all of my people. Sigh. I guess I should count my blessings that I don’t have to deal with them every holiday, right? One night in my lifetime won’t kill me. 

Yesterday at school pickup I was reminded how glad I am that I have nice, polite boys. They’ve been complaining of other kids swearing at their afterschool (the afterschool program is so grossly understaffed that they only have two staff for 150 kids…yikes). And I’ve witnessed some pretty shitty, disrespectful behavior from kids towards their parents lately. The F and I thanked them for being such nice, polite boys and told them how proud we are of them. They really are nice kids. I like to pat myself on the back for all that hard work I put in when they were little not allowing certain tones of voice or attitudes or behaviors. It was rough then but boy is it paying off now. Whether they keep being nice kids into adolescence remains to be seen. 

Labor Day

And now the weekend that would have been my event is officially over. I’m very much wiping my hands of it and looking forward to the future. There was a lot of mourning of the event on Facebook - and I get it, since for most people it’s fun and a way to reconnect with friends after this pandemic - but for me it was still just such a relief that I didn’t have to run it under these circumstances. I did not miss it.

I went to Palm Springs with a close friend and a swing dancer friend and his boyfriend. It was a delightful weekend full of fine dining, pool soaks, and long talks until the wee hours. The first day I had us meet at the Integratron for a sound bath, which was lovely. They offer private sound baths which I may make into a wedding morning activity if I can swing the money. We had many philosophical discussions about lgbtqai involvement in swing dancing, de-gendering the dance, raising prices to then pay people more so they can make a career out of being musicians/dance teachers etc, dealing with problematic people, etc etc. Very helpful information I can take with me into the next event. I agree prices need to be raised but I’m not sure when or how. 

While there I came up with the idea of opening an Etsy store so I can sell off some unwanted vintage stuff. I certainly have the time to devote to photographing and measuring and listing all my crap - whether anyone will buy any of it is another thing. But I figure it doesn’t cost much and could bring in a little small income stream for me, and even better, help me clear out my impossibly overstuffed closet. Also, I have many friends in the same position, so I could potentially consign some of their stuff to help them out, too. So that will be my project going forward. 

The boys did well on their first time without mama since February of 2020. I think the F ran them ragged with activities, which is good, because that’s the part I suck at. Tomorrow they return to school for a short week. They are still testing negative. Hoorah.