How do they feel about returning to school? Well, Bobby has decided anything that isn’t watching hours of gamer videos is a drag, and I don’t think Theo is too enthused about school either but he’s such a social kid that he gets more out of it. When I was this age I loved school, but things were different for me - I’m a girl, and schools are just set up more for typically girl characteristics; also, my home life sucked, so school was an improvement. I have to keep reminding myself that school is different for boys - it’s a lot harder for them to sit still for hours and pay attention. Unless of course video games or gamer videos are involved. Ugh.
For me, I’m going to try to enjoy these last years of two kids in the same school as much as I can. In two years Bobby starts sixth grade, probably in a new school, and then most likely he and Theo will rarely cross paths again. Everything will be so different then. I spend way too much time wondering what these boys’ adolescence will be like, what they’ll be like, what their school and friend lives will be like, if they’ll start to show signs of heading towards a career path, if our relationship will completely fall apart? I’d like to think the happy, stable foundation we’ve given them so far will go a long way. But they’re only halfway through their childhoods so far. So much can still happen.
Next weekend we head out to the desert to look at wedding venues. If they all don’t work out - which is a distinct possibility since most are fully booked for the spring - there’s always the option of having the ceremony at the cabin and then looking into renting the nearby dive bar/performance venue for the reception, which could be fun and possibly cheaper than an all-inclusive venue that caters to weddings. But that dive bar is closed for the summer so we can’t even investigate that option yet. And everyone warns me that trying to make a raw space into a wedding venue can be more expensive than just renting a wedding venue, and I know that’s true. But we’ll see. Personally I can’t wait to get back out there next weekend.
The cabin renovation is supposed to start tomorrow after many delays - the contractor just asked me for a third check, which bugs me since as of today nothing has happened; I’m terrified of being conned by this person even though I have no reason to think he’d do that. I just don’t trust contractors, and I know I’m not alone in this sentiment. We’re supposed to meet up as part of our trip out there next weekend. If I get out there and he doesn’t show up and nothing has happened at the cabin, then I’ll know I’ve been had.
I visited a friend in Santa Barbara yesterday and she gave me a 1920s saxophone. I took it because I like collecting instruments. There is a part of me that wants to learn how to play it even though my every attempt at learning to play instruments has been a total failure; I can just never follow through with it. In looking forward to my empty, boring fall and winter, though, there are so many things I really should do:
Develop a Yoga routine
Develop a daily toning/abs/weight lifting routine
Learn an instrument
Get back to learning Portuguese
Do some winter gardening
Double back to my knitting and actually learn something beyond just making basic washcloths over and over
However, this is what I’ll most likely do:
My daily walk
Shower
Sit on bed and watch trash TV until it’s time to pick up the kids
Obsessively doom scroll
Do absolute bare minimum with regards to self care / housecleaning / cooking
Which is what I’ve done since March 2020. Sigh. We’re all bored and fed up and sad and exhausted. While I have so much to be grateful for, and even, shockingly, to look forward to, I have to admit, the ennui is real.
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