The Colorado was icy cold (50 degrees) so I was constantly terrified someone would fall in, but nobody ever did. It was clear and beautiful and isolated. We only saw a few other kayaks all day, and we could have not paddled at all and just let the current take us if we wanted.
We pulled over for lunch and the BF asked if I would take out my phone for some video, and I bitchily said I didn’t want to undo everything (I had just put it away in a difficult to get to pouch who’s zipper exacerbated a cut on my finger, I didn’t want to take off my hat again to get to it, etc etc). So he handed his phone to Bobby. When I turned around to take this questionably important picture, he was on his knee with the ring.
“Babe, will you marry me?” he said, with tears in his eyes.
Here’s what I do in emotional moments. I completely shut down and go into business mode. But I’m aware that I do this, and so I long ago learned to fake the emotion in the moment with the understanding that I’ll feel it for real later (it’s a bit like, you may not fall in love with your baby the minute they’re born but just wait and it’ll happen). So my brain’s instructions to my body were:
ACT SURPRISED
ACT HAPPY
ACT EMOTIONAL
And so I did. I had imagined this moment for a long time, of course, so part of my script required me to cup his face in my hands and say, “are you my husband?” Aaaand scene.
This may sound sort of odd or depressing, but it’s really not. It was a lovely moment and I’m very happy with how everything went. I’m touched that he thought of this, brought the ring on our trip, and set everything up. I just couldn’t feel it in the moment because I was too much in hyper vigilance mode worrying about one of the kids falling in the water. Thankfully my years of childhood acting training gets me through moments like this. Just act as if. It’s his moment, too, and I don’t want to ruin it.
Bobby shot the video of the proposal and had his fingers in front of the camera most of the time. Hilarious.
Almost immediately after the big moment, he said he wants to change his name to ours. I was shocked and delighted. I told him he didn’t have to do that - but he said no, you invited me into your family. This is a far cry from the gross moment when we first met and he asked if I would change all our names to his and I said hell no. See? People can grow.
So we are now “en fianced” for real. I’m relieved that I no longer have to wonder when - or if - it’ll ever happen. Like most anxious people, I despise surprises. You best believe I put in inquiries to every desert compound I could find for weddings almost immediately. We have not discussed my wedding concepts yet.
So my BF is now my F. Who says internet dating doesn’t work?
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