There was just something about these loooong pandemic, post-virtual event days that got to me...the kids’ school days start at 9, and with lunch and making them run around outside (while constantly second-guessing myself about the air quality) and after school work, we weren’t really done until about four, and by then I was just completely wiped out. I’ve been extraordinarily tired lately, but I do think this is a direct result of not getting out for my walks. I’ve turned into a three-toed ground sloth who trades her nighttime pajamas for her daytime pajamas and spends maybe six or seven hours a day not in bed. I told the BF that the very thought of months of this going on - just dragging kids through “school” every day, cooking and cleaning up after three meals, nothing to do on weekends, kids running around screaming and breaking things or watching inane gamer videos - positively fills me with despair. This was one thing I was reminded of during my virtual event - we all need balance to feel like whole human beings. For me, I need my home life with children and domestic tasks, I need a romantic life, I need a life of friends, I need work and challenges, and I need a creative life with colleagues. I’ve been stripped of three of those things, so I feel very unbalanced and out of sorts. And the uncertainty of any of those things returning any time soon is very stressful. It makes me less grateful for the parts I do have left.
I hustled my butt up the hill today and breathed in who knows how many smoke particulates just to snap me out of my ennui and it seemed to have worked. Also, eating helps. In good news, I have broken my six month tableau and have finally dipped below 140 lbs for the first time in ages. It’s going to be difficult staying here, but at least I know it’s possible. I’ve been determined to not gain weight during this miserable quarantine and I’m glad I’ve stuck to that. It’s one of the few things I’m proud of because it’s taken such a concerted effort. I’d like to lose 3-5 more pounds but we’ll see.
Today was my funk day. Stretched on so long and depleted me. I relate to what you said about balance and parts of your life. Not being able to get outside sucks! It’s been my sanity saving activity through COVID. Sending care, hang in there.
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