That ol’ devil

Turns out my malaise last week was...drumroll...PMS. Got my period five days early, and it’s been gnarly, with terrible breakouts and cramps. I cannot wait until this now useless body function ceases to plague me every three weeks.

It didn’t hurt that the media erasure of Warren seemed to (at least temporarily) roll back ever so slightly after she slayed in the debate. I’m starting to see male friends start to post about her being their candidate on FB, and women empowered to publicly state that they don’t like Bernie, which would have been impossible before. The sexism is real, yo. 

Yesterday I volunteered to chaperone Bobby’s field trip to the zoo. He’s very much wanted me to be involved with his school stuff, and I have been obliging. In this instance, I was unaware that we’d be required to lead a group of kids (in this case, just Bobby and one other boy) through the zoo alone, which is pretty much my worst nightmare. I was profoundly uncomfortable taking charge of a strange kid and having to field his request for treats and toys...and being responsible for his finishing the assignment they were given, making sure he eats, goes to the bathroom, etc. But I just told myself to do the best I could, and thankfully he was a friendly kid who chuckled when I sang “coooold pockets!” when he took out a Hot Pocket for lunch. So...I think I did ok...? Nobody lost a limb or disappeared and everyone was delivered safely to the bus at the end of the day. But boy oh boy is that sort of thing out of my comfort zone. Apparently eight years of parenting has not removed my intense awkwardness around children.

Bobby is taking some sort of standardized test next month which, according to the other parents at the zoo, determines which kids are “gifted” and sets them up for different tracks from now on. It’s pretty nerve-wracking, but I’m going to try to hide my feelings about it so Bobby doesn’t pick up on my anxiety. Will he be labeled gifted? I don’t know...I kind of don’t think so. I mean, he’s a smart kid who so far has done well academically, but is he doing better than the other kids? Probably not. I once asked for average kids and I believe I got them. They seem to hang in the middle of the pack much of the time - which is a good place to be. It’ll be interesting to see how that pans out. 

Feeling the burn

I’m struggling today.

I’m not sure what it is. Most likely it’s just lack of exercise. I know well that feeling “off” makes you just want to lie around, and that lying around makes you depressed, and so the cycle goes. But I’m feeling very overwhelmed and just want to bury my head under the covers and not come out.

Mainly, I don’t feel well. I’ve now been back from Mexico for a week but have had diarrhea the entire week. It’s not scary, I-need-to-be-hospitalized-due-to-dehydration level, but it is I-wonder-if-I-should-see-a-doctor level. I’ve made sporadic attempts at fasting during this - today is another “fast day”, but honestly I feel so utterly lousy that I don’t know if I’ll make it. As a result I’ve put some weight back on (you’d think a week of diarrhea would at least help lose weight - nope), which means I’m pretty much starting over. Sigh. 

I’m really scared for the future. My favorite candidate - Elizabeth Warren - is sliding in the polls and very unlikely to get the nomination, which I find utterly heartbreaking. Would I happily support Bernie? Of course. But I personally believe Warren would make a better president, and I’m just sick about it. Also, all of the Bernie Bros with their thinly veiled sexism in my FB feed are making me nuts. 

AB5 - the California law basically outlawing my two businesses - still looms. Nobody knows what to do and everyone is terrified. Not to be dramatic but this *might* be the thing that utterly destroys me. If I ignore it - which I plan to - and get caught, we’re talking thousands, even millions, in penalties. It causes me tremendous stress every day.

Bobby has started pooping his pants again. I feel like this is never, ever going to end. I’m going to have a high school kid who still craps his pants every few weeks. I can’t stand it. 

I have a massive tangle of taxes - extremely complicated this year - that I somehow have to unravel this week. The thought of it makes me, again, just want to hide my head under the covers. 

There’s so much more - my still unresolved car accident, tons of looming home repairs, people not returning phone calls or emails with desperately needed information...etc etc. You know the feeling.

None of this is that terrible - all of it will be resolved. But I’m just exhausted and don’t feel well and I just want it all to go away. 

Viva Cancún!

I spent last Wednesday through Monday in Cancún with a friend. It was amazing - so much incredible natural beauty. It was also my first experience with an all-inclusive resort - I don’t know if I’ll ever quite recover from the weirdness of ordering multiple dishes when I’m not crazy about the one I got, and then getting up and leaving the table without paying. Totally bizarre! I hope the next time I go to a restaurant I don’t do this by accident!

Also, having now visited Chichen Itza, I have seen four of the seven wonders of the world (including the Taj Mahal, the Great Wall of China, and the pyramids). I’m only missing Petra, Machu Picchu, and the colosseum.

The boys did well without me - I always feel anxiety about leaving them with the BF, especially for more than a weekend, especially when I’m in another country. But he is a lot more responsible with other people than he is with himself, so I always return to a clean house and happy and safe kids. 

Now my job is to jump in and get on the kids’ various projects - Valentines for 48 kids on Friday, specially decorated valentines boxes, teacher presents, volunteering at Bobby’s pizza party Friday, and supervising Bobby’s James and the Giant Peach board game project also due Friday. 

The money has arrived from my opening night, and I’ve been able to pay my $15,000 credit card, property tax, and various bills. That’s a huge relief. 

I wasn’t trying to fast on my vacation, and my attempt yesterday ended up being a 900 calorie day and not a 500 calorie day. But I intend to do my 500 calorie fast tomorrow, and  experimenting with skipping breakfast and eating low calorie lunches and dinners on most weekdays (very doable) also; maybe I can just do that Monday-Friday instead of the fasts? Still tinkering. My weight loss of course ground to a halt on my trip, but hey, I’m still down six lbs from this time last month, so I’m not mad about it. I’ll be back on track now. 

Opening night

My 23rd annual event is officially on. We opened Saturday night and had a flash sale that lasted until 8 pm last night. Everything went well until the price didn’t increase as planned; thankfully only two people slipped in before my partner in the registration system was able to fix it. It was very touch and go - lots of problems and issues the whole day Saturday before launching, which did not fill me with confidence. BUT it’s a huge improvement on last year, and it’s amazing to have a system that’s fully transparent and works.

How are the numbers? It’s hard to say, when I have no data from last year. But going by bank accounts, I’m $10,000 short of last year. Which means I’m short maybe 50 people? Doesn’t matter. I’m ahead of 2018, and that was an excellent year. So I’m contented. It’s going to be good. Still on top.

Day after tomorrow I leave for Cancún with my friend. I’m a bit nervous because the weather doesn’t look good right now - rainy and lightning storms the whole time we’re there. I hope this clears up!

Today is a cold, blustery day so I’m taking this opportunity to spend the day on the couch with a nice fire and British architecture shows. Can’t beat that.