That time of the year

There are three more weeks of summer camp before school starts on the 20th. Then two weeks before my event. I’m starting to get random waves of nausea, am not sleeping well, and am having anxiety dreams. It’s that time of the year.

Today I had in my calendar to go to the rec center to sign up for the afterschool program for both boys - it’s opening day for registration. I went after lunch and was informed that it was full. Full! Apparently there was a long line into the office at 8 AM and all the spots filled up immediately. This is the same place that two years ago always had availability. Last year they were full by the first day of school...this year it filled up in minutes. I don’t know why I’m surprised; my event is having a similar trajectory. However, I am now screwed. 

I spent the entire afternoon filling out forms and scrounging around for options only to discover the only other option - the crazy expensive STAR program - is also full and has been since school ended. 

I emailed the rec center director and she told me she’ll look at the list and see what she can do, but won’t know anything until next week. I’d like to think she’ll squeeze us in just because we’ve been using all their services for years - camps, preschool, after school - and luckily my kids are easy and well liked by the staff. But I know all of this means nothing if they just don’t have the staff or budget. 

So I’ve been trying to reconcile myself to a very different school year. I’m very fortunate that I don’t need afterschool care - only just for my mental health. I can technically pick them up every day. But the hard times are when I travel, and these first two weeks of school before my event. I remember how hard it was for three months picking up Theo at 2, 1 and occasionally noon after school last year; the idea of having two rambunctious boys running amock for hours every day while I can’t get anything done positively fills me with dread. Also, it’s no joke asking the BF to leave work at noon or one to pick up kids every couple of weeks when I’m out of town. I mean...he can do it. But ugh. 

I’m trying to make an attitude adjustment. It’ll be fun! Our evenings will be more relaxed! I can bake cookies! They can do chores! They’ll be getting older and easier all the time! It’ll be ok! But yeah, trying really hard to fight off despair. What on earth would I do if I had a 9-5 job??? I can’t even think about it. 

It’s funny because I’m on exactly the other end in my work - my whole life right now is dealing with endless desperate emails from people wanting in to my full contests and our full hotel block. The people pleaser in me is not pleased. Maybe that’s what the nausea is about.