Waiting...

Shortly after I hit "publish" on last night's post, I got a call from the hospital. Much to my chagrin they had been trying to call me earlier in the day - I had missed a couple of calls from an "unknown" number and there were no voicemails, so I assumed it was a friend of mine who always pops up as "unknown" on my phone. Anyway, Theo apparently threw up a bunch of dark green fluid and they were concerned - they had brought in the surgical team to run some x rays and make sure it wasn't a bowel blockage/reversed intestine-type issue, and of course ran all other kinds of tests as well. They said they would get back to me. My sister and I then pretended to watch Dateline while I waited for the return call - finally I decided to just head in. I just had to see him and hold him, you know?

So I went in. He was, of course, fine, but they wouldn't let me breastfed him; he was on Pedialyte. And unfortunately this new development meant he would not be coming home today - and probably not tomorrow, either. Ughhhh.

At this point I did feel a bit of despair. Even when you know they're probably ok, it's hard to see your fragile little newborn all hooked up to wires; all I could think when I looked into that sweet little face was that he needs to be home with his family. The nurses are lovely but they can't attend to every baby like a mother would - he would get hysterical crying whenever his paci fell out or he was cold or hungry; it would never get to the point of hysteria with me because I'm the mom. I hate to think the first week of his life is going to be in a clinical environment like that. A couple of days I was ok with...now it looks like this could just drag on and on. 

I went in this AM and he had been doing well - once again, all tests clear. His rapid breathing seems to be settling down, too. But the whole thing just makes me nervous as hell - it's great that nothing is technically wrong with him, but it doesn't give me much confidence when nobody has a theory as to why he was struggling to breathe and why he suddenly threw up dark green liquid. What happens when I get him home and he does that...?

They have him on food now (my expressed milk, which I was able to pump this morning) and want to watch him at least 24 hours to make sure he's processing the food properly. I will just keep visiting him in the mornings and evenings until he comes home, which I hope hope hope will be Tuesday. The sitter can watch B during these stints and I can entertain him during the day and get him to bed. 

My sister left today and I took B to Travel Town where he had his 1st birthday a year ago. He threw tantrums pretty much all day, but I took it in stride - it's been a confusing two weeks for the little guy. A lot going on and he and I not interacting much which I'm sure affects him. I am looking forward to reconnecting with him over the next couple of days, and making sure I get good solid sleep before T makes his home debut.

On the physical side, my belly has shrunk considerably today - I'm working on a 5 month pregnant belly instead of a 7 month pregnant belly; I'm down to about 151 lbs (from about 165); and I have graduated to normal maxi pads and real underwear. I still hurt a bit and am definitely far from 100% but I will say the physical recovery this time is a lot easier. Or, again, maybe I'm so distracted by everything that's going on that I don't have much time to think about my v-jay.