Two days PP

So I gave birth two days ago. I feel totally normal (well...except for beneath my waist, which is kind of like Beirut in the 80s) - in fact, it all seems like a bizarre dream I had. Mostly because Theo is not here.

Before you worry, everything is fine. Theo hopefully will be home tomorrow safe and sound. But a few hours after we had been moved to postpartum recovery, a nurse noticed he was breathing a little too rapidly. Many pediatricians came in and checked him out, and the decision was made to start him on antibiotics and run some blood tests - which take 72 hours for results. So after a few hours together he was whisked away and has been there ever since; I came home Friday morning.  

Nobody seems worried, so I'm not. They think he may have aspirated some fluid during birth and is just working it out; but they want to rule out pneumonia or other lung infections. Honestly, it's a good thing - when you have another child to get home to, being allowed to rest and recover from the birth, plus spend some last one on one time with your older child, is a great thing. I've now gotten two full night's sleep, which may come to a crashing halt tomorrow when and if T comes home and I'm required to be up every two-three hours every night for months. I'm reveling in the rest while I can-!

So tomorrow is a big day - my sister leaves around two; she probably won't get to see T unless I can get him early in the day which may not happen. I have to try to balance her departure, possibly getting a sitter in to watch B while I go to NICU, and getting him home. It's going to be interesting! Unless they keep him a few more days which could happen. 

So my last day in the hospital was the usual frustrating ordeal of just trying to get the heck out of there and people constantly bugging me with unimportant shit - the world's most condescending lactation consultant who kept lecturing me about crap I already know (hello - I breastfed a child for fourteen months) and patting me on the shoulder and telling me I have "mommy brain" until I wanted to punch her in the throat; the social worker who came to see me because of that one time I mentioned to the midwife that I was scared of the upcoming birth, who spent over an hour grilling me about my support system and have I been suicidal and how do I manage stress (all of which is none of her damned business); the nurse who pursed her lips with disapproval when I said no, nobody was coming to pick me up. Then well meaning friends brought bag after bag after bag of giant, heavy groceries all needing to be refrigerated, which I couldn't possibly carry, much less lift, so then I had to get someone to wheel me down the block and through the giant parking lot...and nobody would give me a straight answer about Theo's condition...and I was wearing a maxi pad the size of a Sleep Number bed...and I had just had it! As much as part of me kind of dreads being all alone here with a two year old and a fragile newborn, part of me is kind of looking forward to just being home living our lives with nobody all up in our business.

I've been trying to formulate in my mind some kind of schedule or at least way to balance our lives - maybe make sure baby is fed and sleeping before getting into B's wake up or bedtime routine; using the carrier a lot, using the baby monitor a lot, making sure T is safe from B's enthusiasm. I definitely will not be able to sit quietly and nurse while B is around, so this will have to happen only overnight or in the car or while he's strapped to my body. I figure I will be back to nighttime showering for a while, and will be liberally using the Baby Kennel for B on weekends so he can run around and be rambunctious. 

I have no illusions. It's going to be tough working out the logistics of all this - and the sleep deprivation is going to be a major problem. Also, T has not officially breastfed yet, so we need to spend time trying to get that going. I'm assuming my milk will come in tomorrow or the next day, so hopefully at least when he gets here I'll have some food for him.

Today at the NICU he was all plump and content looking - he has gained a lot of weight (about 7 oz I think?) although this may be just the IV fluids and formula. But he is definitely losing the alien newborn look and starting to look more like a squishy baby. Here's a shot from this morning: