Revealing

So, 24 hours after my gender scan and big reveal (called various US relatives, who did not even know I was pregnant, and e-mailed the Brazilians, plus put out the announcement on Facebook, which was a whole "thing" in itself). How am I feeling about boy vs girl? Am I experiencing "gender disappointment"?

I can honestly say no, and you know I wouldn't bullshit you. When I saw his little winkle on the screen (and this may sound kind of pervy, but little baby penises are pretty much the cutest thing ever) I just sort of knew it was our destiny, and did not feel a pang of disappointment. I knew it was right for B - he needs another guy in this family. This is for him, after all, not me. So my desire to work out my childhood issues by having a girl is trumped by Bumpus' need to have someone to share his maleness with. And so once again it is very clear to me how very much it is not about me anymore. Dammit.

The 'rents were expectedly surprised and happy for me. As much as I bitch about them, on this particular topic they are extremely supportive, for which I am very grateful (but really, if they weren't...who cares? Just another reason not to have anything to do with them!). My mother said she thought I'd change my mind, only because so many women, herself included, do. Her first birth experience in the 60s sounded pretty nightmarish; yet ten years later she did it again. So, there you go.

Facebook has been interesting. I'm really glad I made a formal announcement about the pregnancy which I did not do last time...but really should have. Of course everyone who commented was thrilled and supportive and most of all, surprised. It makes me wonder how many people think B was an "oopsie". I'm sure some must, since I've never breathed a word on FB about B being donor conceived or my being in those circles (ie, I don't forward links about being an SMC, etc). And even today, when a single woman has a baby, people just don't automatically go to "donor!" They think one night stand, or failed relationship. Which is natural, I guess. But I will admit there is a little part of me that's glad I'm having two just to prove to the world that yes, this was all intentional. Here are my two red headed boys - they were not unwanted mistakes. I'd have to be pretty lame to accidentally get knocked up - in my 40s - by the same person - twice! 

Progress on B's room is slow, but it is happening. Tomorrow the guy starts framing the wall; he may drywall it Friday, and then next week all the trim/painting/door hanging. He baby proofed some cabinets for me, and did a few other minor repairs around here. I have no idea how the transition to the new room will go. Like everything else, it will either be a snap, or an ordeal. I figured I would maybe put the pack 'n play in there for sleeping first so at least that part of it is familiar; then try the toddler bed and see what he thinks. Who knows, he might totally dig it. Or it might scare him. All I can do is not push anything and be patient. The most important thing is getting his room set up well before the baby arrives, and that will happen. 

I'll admit I had a bit of a craptastic day today. I slept hardly at all due to awesome pregnancy insomnia, and it was wicked hot and we were out in the sun all day, and then had another awful afternoon of B tearing the house apart while I sat helplessly wishing he wouldn't. I hate these afternoons. But I don't see a way out of it - I can't afford classes and activities, and we're up so damned early these days I take the mornings to get us out of the house when he's his most active. He does get super whiny and cranky around six, though; I am considering putting him to bed earlier, maybe 6:30 or even 6:00; it's dark now, and he just seems tired. I just don't want him waking up any freaking earlier-!