Rallying

Feeling much better today. And so goes the roller coaster of hormones. Yesterday even the picture of the 20 week fetus on my newsletter from Kaiser was so upsetting to me I had to throw it on the floor of the car. Today I was able to read it and chuckle at the advice on safe sex with your partner during pregnancy - um, doesn't apply, thank you! 

Thanks for your helpful comments. It's good to know I'm not the only one scared of childbirth and who considers the whole process pretty horrible. I've just come to the conclusion that there are two types of women in the world - mumsy types who are all into the miracle of pregnancy and birth and can't get enough of their toddler's antics, and people like me who see pregnancy and birth as the unpleasant gateway to the goal of having a child, and who would rather have a nice cup of tea and watch a documentary about how we're overfishing our oceans than squat on the floor and play trucks with our two-year-olds. I'm not saying this is the best, or even a good way to be, I'm just saying this is who I am, and I accept it. I hope the abundance of hugs, kisses, "I love yous" and the fact that my face lights up when he walks into the room makes up for the fact that I don't so much want his spitty fingers repeatedly shoved into my mouth, thank you very much. 

We went to the music class again today. Again he was pretty freaked out by it - I have to say, though, I enjoy when he actually wants me to hold him or sit on my lap, because at home he just wants to climb all the furniture. It feels good to be able to comfort him; it's very healing. Especially when it works. What is it about a mother's touch that's so magical?