Monday, February 17, 2014

You can't always get what you want

This weekend I went to three birthday parties and had a gig Saturday night, so it meant seeing a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while and a lot of small talk about the pregnancy. Comments included, but were not limited to:

You definitely don't look nine months - more like seven! (they haven't seen me naked)

You look great! (Not true, but I appreciate the sentiment)

So, any day now, huh? (Not unless I have a horrible medical emergency)

And to the people I'm closer to, a recounting of my latest medical downturn. However I do feel a bit buoyed by a weekend full of normal blood pressure readings; I think even telling the doctors that I test myself all the time at home will at least make them feel like I'm taking this seriously and at least on some level being monitored. Maybe???

Anyway, I spent the day at birthday parties but then felt perfectly horrid that evening - really nauseated, tired and heavy, and like my belly was made out of cement. Oh, is this what's happening now - any amount of unusual activity and it sends me into a tailspin? I feel so incapacitated and shitty. Everything is such an effort now. All day I couldn't help but think this is how the elderly feel, those with chronic conditions - you just never feel well, and doing anything at all is a huge production. Thankfully at least some time from now this, for me, will end.

So how do I feel about a possible induction after thinking about it for a few days? Still not great, but I have to admit it would solve several problems - getting my sister out here, getting the babysitter here, and getting to the hospital. I hate to think about never getting to experience a spontaneous labor - but as noted, there's no saying that would be so great anyway, and heck, most women never get the birth experience they want. I always think of my friend who had a miserable lengthy back labor with her son, was determined to do it better the second time and got all set up with natural birthing techniques and a birth center, only to end up with a scary emergency c section. You can't always get what you want.

So now it really is just a matter of days - making it from one appointment to the next, one day to the next. I am going to start bringing my hospital bag to each appointment in case they don't let me leave. On some level it is kind of exciting - this really is it, the end! No matter what, six weeks from now there is no physical way I can still be pregnant. I made it through all of my hurdles - I got pregnant to begin with, I didn't miscarry, we passed all the genetic tests, we made it this far before hitting a bump in the road. Now just to get through the birth and we're home free. 


  1. Congrats to making it to 36w1d!!!

    I definitely think you should bring your hospital bag everywhere. In my experience, this guarantees you won't have the baby any time soon.

    Glad you are seeing the silver lining to the induction, just in case it does come to pass.

  2. Going into spontaneous labor isn't all that it's cracked up to be. : ) Nothing like your water breaking a little, water trickling down your leg, and wondering if you might have peed, only to cave five hours later and go to L&D to see if you might having a baby a week early... and you are! Oops! I can't imagine going into labor while having Sidekick and Dog, so there is definitely a benefit of being induced. It'll all work out. I can't believe you are so close!

  3. I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy. I hope that it's something that will at least partially pass before the baby comes. Good luck!

  4. You're getting so close - you can do this! I'm pretty sure very, very few women actually have truly positive birth experiences. It pretty much sucks in some way regardless. The main thing is getting the baby out healthy while keeping you healthy, too, right? Hang in there - it's almost over!

  5. I truly hope that you get the birth experience you want and deserve. But I think you have good perspective. Spontaneous doesn't equal great (speaking from experience). Hang in there and "cook" Theo as long as you safely can (says the mom of preemies).

  6. Thinking of you and hoping for a very satisfying experience for you. I only have one but I hear that all that experience you have gained from having one already really does help you with the second birth. Bon courage!