Fears and loathings

I don’t think I’m alone in having a lot of dread about this upcoming year. It’s an election year, and the odds of Trump being elected are higher now than ever, thanks to anger at Biden over his response to the Hamas attacks and a blatant unwillingness to recognize all the good he’s done. Memories are short - it’s now been eight long years since 2016 - and I can see especially young people forgetting that their staying home or protest vote for a 3rd party will, in fact, elect Trump, and end democracy as we know it. I can’t live through another Trump presidency. I can’t. Suddenly California seceding doesn’t sound so terrible. As I was saying to a friend yesterday, there’s no guarantee that the United States will last forever, not in its current form. We like to think it’s immutable and eternal, but it’s not. Look at Europe. Sliced and diced a million different ways, especially in the last 70 years. We’re not used to that sort of transitory existence, but we may have to get used to it. Either way, I’m full of anxiety about what’s going to happen this fall.

We had a pretty sizable earthquake Friday morning, which was listed as a “pre-shock” and warnings of the high likelihood of a major quake in the next 72 hours. I was horrified. It doesn’t help that in just about a week we’ll hit the 30th anniversary of the Northridge quake, which for me was massive and life changing. I haven’t slept well since Friday, and plans to leave the kids home alone briefly have been scrapped (they’ll go to the H’s work and I’ll pick them up later). It’s hard not to think of how awful everything will be if there’s a quake large enough to render this house unlivable - I have state-sponsored earthquake insurance, but the deductible is high, and our whole lives would be upended for a year or more, and what would we do with all our stuff if the house wasn’t securable? What about the kids’ school? What about the hotel where I hold my event - what if something happens to that? It’s all too horrible to even think about. And yet, while not being probable, it is, in fact, possible. I just can’t.

So I think it’s fair to say I’m not entering this year with a lot of optimism or enthusiasm, but I’m entering it anyway because I have no choice. Kids return to school tomorrow, and in two months we’ll know if Bobby got into the gifted program at his school or choice, and if Theo got into the gifted program at his current school. I’ve got lots of podcast interviews lined up - there’s been some unexpected momentum lately - and am considering getting a new computer to facilitate this activity. I submitted all the grant audit paperwork on Friday, so now we wait. I’ve started the reams of tax work that will take up the next two months, and am moving forward with my event planning finally. I hope to have everything settled by the time I do the price increase on Feb 1. There’s a lot to do coming up. Maybe this will keep me from my doomsday fears for a while.