Fake summer

E-choices - the LAUSD system of applying for magnet and other programs - opened on Monday, and I applied for Theo to get into the gifted magnet at his current school. I think it’s *fairly* unlikely he’ll be admitted next year; unless his brother’s sibling points (3) push him over the edge. But I think he stands a good chance of making it for 6th grade when kids abdicate for middle schools. So there’s hope there yet. I’m bummed he’ll never get Bobby’s 5th grade teacher - the cool person with the Mohawk and the PhD; she’s teaching the highly gifted magnet for 5th. But if he’d stayed at his old school she wouldn’t have been an option, either, since she moved to this school. 

For Bobby, I delayed a couple of days…I still had it in my head that I wanted to tour other schools first (I have until mid-November to submit an application), but after looking at the available options, I have to say, they’re just logistically impossible - too far away and too impossible to manage with two kids. Also if I then wanted to try to move him back here for high school, according to the tour I took last year, there are very few spots for ninth grade. So your best bet is to start here for 7th, which was my idea in the first place. So I took a deep breath and applied for just the one local school with the gifted program. This is the one both boys could be in all the way until they graduate. There’s no guarantees Bobby will even be admitted - if he’s not, I’ll have to make some decisions - and we won’t know until March. But with his many points for being in the magnet system as of this year, he stands a really good shot. So that’s done and done.

I’m currently in between traveling gigs - last weekend was Chicago, this weekend is northern CA. I’ve had to learn a lot of new songs, which I positively loathe doing, but we do need to mix it up now and again, so I know it’s necessary. Once I’m back from this weekend I feel like I can really lean in to the holiday trifecta heading my way; I’ve decorated for Halloween but don’t really feel it yet. One reason is the current unseasonable high temperatures. But I also feel like I need to focus on this travel and learning new songs and everything else can wait.

Motivation has been a real issue with me lately, and I’m a little worried. I know I’m not depressed - far from it - so it’s not that; but I’m having a really hard time doing more than the bare minimum in life. I just feel like I want to take naps all the time and just relax and be comfortable and not do anything. I’ve never in my life been this sedentary - I rarely go on walks anymore, and up until fairly recently would go nearly every day. There are so many cleaning and organizing projects I should be doing, but getting started is nearly impossible. Part of it is being overwhelmed by the sheer weight of four people’s crap - it’s a lot to manage, as household manager. I’m staying pretty on top of business stuff - I’ve got a planned overhaul of my website, I’m working on hiring for next year, even this week started uploading our earliest videos to YouTube which is a huge and time consuming process. But everything else - meh. I can’t remember the last time I was motivated to try a new recipe or start an exercise routine. I just can’t do it. Is it post-event and post-covid fatigue, still? Is it menopause and my age in general? Is it normal? Should I be kinder to myself and just say fuck it, kids are fed and happy and get dropped off/picked up on time, house is clean, bills are paid, who cares about the rest? What, exactly, do I think I should be doing at this age that I’m not? I don’t know, but I feel like a lazy slob. At the same time, being lazy just feels so goddamn good. I don’t know if this is an actual problem or if I’m making it a problem.