End of eight

I asked Theo how he felt about having only a few days left of being eight, and as is typical of an eight-year-old, he just shrugged. I’m so focused on the future so much of the time that I often forget to stop and remember just how little these kids still are. I still, in this moment, have a third grader with messy handwriting who can’t really do a lot for himself. While he’s clearly an intelligent boy with good problem solving skills and a wicked sense of humor, this doesn’t mean he can make himself breakfast. Like all parents I worry I’m not doing enough to prepare him for the world - I’m not teaching him important skills, he’s had it too easy, when he goes into the real world he won’t know how to cope. This is what I think about as I drive home from dropping them at school.

Bobby told me on the way home from school yesterday that one of his friend’s dad died. I don’t know this kid, but he’s invited to B’s party weekend after next. I asked what Bobby said to him, and he said he didn’t know what to say. I told him in future the best thing to say under those circumstances is “I’m sorry”. Later that night I got a call from a woman who’s name I recognized but who I also don’t really know who assumed I know this family asking if I wanted to be part of a meal train for the family; I of course had to say yes, but it’s all a bit awkward since I don’t know any of these people. I blame the pandemic for causing this alienation. The poor kid. I don’t know any details but it sounds unexpected. These are scenarios that keep me up at night.

It’s time for me to lean back in to things I’ve neglected since traveling plus sickness for a week - my work, my diet, finding a new place to do yoga - and I’m struggling. Yesterday I took more than one nap. I just felt so worn out and figured nothing had to get done that very moment, so hey, fuck it. I’m playing my usual game of menopause or lack of discipline? Which is it today? Still no period. Nausea is gone, but I have not been able to implement healthy eating habits again. I feel all discombobulated and disorganized. I take care of the most essential items - kids to school, dinner on the table, dishes washed, homework done, teeth brushed and flossed, bills paid on time, but everything else…? Meh. 

As often happens when I don’t want to do the task at hand, I’ve allowed myself free reign to fantasize about other future projects, one that will happen for sure and one that can only happen if certain elements fall into place. The first is, in light of the fact that I can’t seem to go to Mexico without returning violently ill, I’ve decided we will not all do a big Mexico resort trip this summer. Also, I can’t afford it. We’ve decided to forge ahead with a Grand Canyon trip with the sister, brother in law, and brother in law’s nephew’s family instead. We’re doing a zoom meeting this weekend to sort out details. Since I don’t know the nephew’s family’s tolerance for hippie bullshit (they have a young boy and a toddler so I’m thinking probably not much) I’ve researched and put together a variety of scenarios for us - one in which we stay at a hippie campground, and others in which we stay at silly western-style resorts with Conestoga wagons and things like that that are always amusing. More than half of our group is Brazilian so I figure they’d get a kick out of that extreme Americana stuff. The timing is a bit tight between the boys’ sleepaway camp and the nephew’s wife needing to leave on a business trip, but I’m hoping to squeeze in a Lake Havasu houseboat trip as well. It’s always been a dream of mine to rent a houseboat, and Lake Havasu is nice and full (unlike Lake Powell) and shockingly has boats available. I want to nail all this down asap. I for one am delighted to do another Arizona road trip. There’s so much cool stuff to see and do there. I only wish we had more time. 

My other idea is predicated on the one big new year’s dance camp ceasing to exist, which looks like it may happen. The event was struggling for a few years anyway, then was sold right before the pandemic, then has just not recovered since, and apparently is looking for a buyer. At first I considered throwing my hat in the ring, but then had to remind myself I have no money. Also, I have no interest in running the event as it’s been run, which would be the expectation. My only wish would be to retain their stellar music program, which was the main draw of the event which they sadly had to chip away at as the money stopped flowing. So it occurred to me that, if the event does not find a buyer and ceases to exist, I should just do my own new year’s event, utilizing the same musical talent and picking up that torch to keep the legacy projects going that otherwise would die without a home. I’m thinking Palm Springs, big resort, only music and dancing, no classes or contests, just fun social dancing through the new year. I really think it could work. And it would be easy for me because my bandleader and another guy would arrange the music program, I would only do administrative stuff which would be considerably less than my other event. And the best thing is, at least initially, I wouldn’t have to make a huge amount of money off it. Sounds great, right? Well, again, the only sticking point is not going up against this other event. I would never do anything to try to shut them down if they want to keep going. We all know each other, so it’s important to respect each other’s space. But I really think this could be a good thing. I’m going to have a zoom with my bandleader and the other bandleader I’d need to make this happen sometime in the next couple of weeks. I have no idea what to expect - I just want to put it out there that I’m thinking of doing this if new year’s opens up, and get an idea of costs so I can come up with some kind of budget. I see an opportunity here - it’s been nearly twenty years since there wasn’t a big new year’s event in the US - and I want to make sure I grab it while I can.