Pushing boundaries

The post-event fog is lifting, a bit. In the meantime I’m trying to do those things that make me feel present and appreciative of the time I’m in - like, hey, both kids are in school! The event is over and I don’t have to do anything for a while! It’s the end of summer and the holiday trifecta is coming up! Rejoice! Those things are embarking on new knitting projects (I’m going to attempt hats for the boys - something I’ve never tried before), cooking, getting the house in order, planning ahead.

One big damper I’m dealing with is the fact that not only do I not have enough money to do the siding on the house, but much to my shock I don’t even have enough money to live on until the income comes in again. How on earth did this happen, on this the biggest turnout year I’ve had? The only thing I can think is that it’s just been a really expensive year - it was front loaded with the kitchen, and there have been lots more expenses (buying a business, travel, expensive yard work, budget for the event going up); it’s like death by a thousand paper cuts, every little thing adds up. I’m really upset and disappointed. I need to bolt the house to the foundation, and the first estimate I got is $23,000. Ouch. Everything is going to have to wait until February. Sigh. 

After weeks of nightly bedwetting, I bought a “pee alarm” for Theo. We’ve used it the past two nights. Pretty much all that happens is Theo pees and sleeps through the alarm in his pee until I go in there and turn it off. I’m skeptical this will ever work. I mean, it goes off once they’ve already peed - how is this going to teach him to get up and pee before he pees? How do you “make” a kid learn how to hold his pee while sleeping? The BF thinks it will annoy Theo enough that he’ll learn to get up and pee. We’ll see! I guess it’s better than not trying anything...right?

Bobby is in a boundary pushing phase. The other night when I told him for the thousandth time that he was wasting his own time by fooling around during violin practice, he actually said to me, “why do you always say the same stupid things to me?” I gave him the look of death, told him, “You’re not allowed to talk to me like that,” and told him I repeat myself all the time because he doesn’t listen. Then I couldn’t help but remember all the downright cruel comments I made to my mother when I was a kid, and my face burned with shame. Why do kids do these things? Why did I? Who knows? Because they’re kids. 

This weekend is a milestone for me - I’m actually going to volunteer at the kids’ school, at a yearly pancake breakfast. I’m on the cleanup crew. I also joined the PTA, although who knows when, if ever, I’ll be able to attend meetings or actually participate in anything. The next general meeting is the day I leave for Bordeaux, as is the middle school fair, which kills me. But I keep hoping for this mythical time when I’ll actually have time for things. Sigh.