Worn Out

I'm tired. Bone tired. I suppose it had to catch up with me eventually, huh? I do believe new mothers are blessed with extraordinary powers - mainly, patience and energy (at least I felt this way), but I think that coming up on three months post partum, these powers have started to dissipate. And now it's 8 PM and I can barely peel myself off the couch to go to bed. 

I'll admit occasionally I think about how many years it'll be until I get a moment to myself, get to sleep in, get a vacation sans children, and I despair a little bit. I try to remind myself how I had all these things before children and really, they weren't that great; I was mostly just lonely. But under the haze of the sheer physical exhaustion I feel at the moment, all of those things sound so nice.

Theo is not digging the carrier. He just lunges and screams. It's awful. But he doesn't want to be put down, either - he wants me to hold him. I thought the carrier was the perfect solution - hands-free baby carrying - but right now it's not working. I so wish I could pop him in a stroller! But he's months away from sitting independently, I doubt there's a double stroller anywhere that will fit in my tiny car, and I can't really use the one I used for B since B still needs to be in one. What do I do?

B was at the Baby Kennel yesterday and I was none too thrilled to discover as I picked him up that they had all the kids in some sand and water play area, so his pants, socks, and non-water-friendly shoes were soaked and covered in sand. I felt like saying to the caretakers, "what the fuck am I supposed to do with this???" So add to my evening cleaning and drying his shoes. Good times.

There are a million little irritations. The fact that my garage, made out of rough ancient concrete, is too narrow to open doors on both sides of my car, so I somehow manage to regularly scrape the skin off my elbows just maneuvering around. Theo somehow always spits out his pacifier at the most inopportune moments, causing it to land in the worst possible places - B's shitty morning diaper, the filthy garage floor, the open toilet. I can't get anything out of my refrigerator without squatting down to the floor and pulling everything out and putting it on the floor. There is a thin layer of playground sand on everything in this house. I think my sprinklers have stopped working again. Bumpus has a very worrying rash on his arms, legs, and around his mouth that doesn't bother him but I think I may need to have looked at soon - preferably tomorrow. And I really, really would like to sleep for more than three hours in a row, just once. 

Thanks for letting me bitch. It's nothing; it's just the exhaustion talking.