I am so sad/disappointed/angry about this new development I just want to cry. So I make it all this way, healthy, only to have everything fall apart in the last month - but not even late enough that I don't have to worry about being pushed into something too early. This couldn't have happened two weeks from now? Well, at least I don't see anyone again until I'm 37 weeks. I'm sure the other midwife will order a 24 hour urine catch...and may start those twice weekly NSTs again. Maybe I can hold out another week after. But oh my God, facing all that fear mongering and bullying again...honestly, I can't take it. I just can't. Only to end up with a fucking induction again anyway.
Today's doctor didn't seem concerned - he only brought it up when I asked about it. He said it is normal to have an uptick in blood pressure at this point (no shit), and suggested for peace of mind to buy a blood pressure cuff and test myself at home, which I plan on doing.
Who knows what the protein is about. Dehydration maybe? Too much sugar this week, not enough protein in my diet? I can certainly work on those things in hopes of a better reading next week. Maybe I'm overreacting; maybe it's not going to be as bad as I think. I just wish to God I was further along. I would be so much less worried if I didn't still have a whole month of gestational development ahead of me.
And let's face it - going into labor naturally is no guarantee of a better experience. I hold on to that in hopes of not having a repeat of last time's horror show...but just because the midwife and the doula tell me it's going to go better this time doesn't mean dick, really. Nobody knows. I just know I do not love the idea of spending the next two to four weeks being worried out of my mind and bullied. But, here we go, right?
And I have my (probably futile) MediCal meet tomorrow AM, and a mountain of math and paperwork to do tonight to prepare, which has to be done perfectly. I am so not up to any of this. Can I just zip ahead two months to when the baby's here and all this shit is behind me? Please???