The kayaking was pleasant but a lot more of a grind than I’d remembered - maybe because I had a non-helping child in the front. I’m shocked I can still move my arms today. The hike up to the secret falls was a bit nuts - extremely slippery and muddy. Most of the time we were in up to our ankles, and everyone walking back towards us was covered head to toe from various slips and falls. There were also a few instances of fording cold, strong current river, which was a little scary with kids, but we all made the seemingly endless trek. However, just as we got within view of the falls, one of the tour guides from another group told us breathlessly that we need to turn around RIGHT NOW because the river had just doubled in size and we may not be able to get back through it, and our kayacks may be in jeopardy of washing away. Since we could see the falls, the kids and I were ready to turn around and go - everyone else was fleeing like the place was about to explode. But of course the H wanted to keep going and spend a few minutes looking at the falls since we’d come all that way. I didn’t see the point in just standing there for five minutes when we were in serious danger - like, we saw it, let’s go! But the kids and I were all yelling that we needed to get out of there, and he grumbled angrily for the first few minutes back. See, this is what it’s like living with someone with ADHD - his need for constant intense stimulation takes over any sense of boundaries or safety or other people’s comfort. It’s definitely been the most difficult thing in our relationship.
The good news is he always gets over it. And the river was definitely more difficult to get through on the way back, and our kayacks were definitely about to wash away when we got to them an hour later. But as we went, despite being the last ones out, several groups were just starting their way in.
Either way it was a good way to spend our last day here - the full Hawaii experience - and, miracle of miracles, I finally got my vegetarian loco moco for dinner, which was spectacular.
I had a bit of a moment as we were driving through another rainbow to pick up dinner (because of course the restaurant was fully booked, leaving us to eat out of boxes huddled on the hotel room floor, again). I’ve come full circle with this place, Kauai. From my solo visit in 2010 during the weekend my aunt died which a month later put me on the path to single motherhood, to the disastrous visit alone with a toddler and a baby, to a couples visit with my new boyfriend, to a family visit today. And now I can’t help but feel like this will be my last visit - at least, probably for a long time, as there are so many other places in the world I want to see - and it’s poignant and sad and makes me feel things. This hasn’t been a great visit; I’ve changed, and the place has changed, and the magic has gone due to familiarity. I’m older now, and the sense of not wanting to waste time is upon me. We only have seven more years with Bobby as a child - we need to do more things with him than just this. But the part this place has played on my development as a person and a mother cannot be denied. It’s kind of like an amicable split from a first husband married young. Kauai can be over here doing it’s thing and I’ll be over there doing my thing, and we can wave to each other, and maybe we’ll circle back, and maybe we won’t, and either way it’ll be ok.
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