New month, new you

It’s February. Normally (as in, 2020 and before) this would be the night I’d be nervous and rubbing my hands together in anticipation of opening registration in a few hours, my bank account a gaping empty maw waiting to be refilled. But. I’ve moved the opening until May 1st under the assumption that this means I can still be “off” and not working for three more months. However, I don’t know if it’s really playing out that way. I still have event stuff to do every day, and people are reaching out with questions. Today another blow from the hotel - there’s a huge Beyoncé concert announced near the hotel on my weekend so they anticipate selling out, which means I will not have my usual latitude to add more rooms for people once my block sells out. I’ve added this information to all my messaging, but this is a huge problem. I don’t even want to think about the ramifications of not having rooms at the hotel available. Just another thing to be anxious about. 

And I’m definitely thinking that by next year it may make sense to move opening back to February. I’m starting to get worried that by May 1st people have plans for the summer booked already. This may not be a good policy. Right now it’s also covid wise - delaying until closer to the event means it’s easier to make policy decisions. But by next year, hopefully, that will no longer be relevant. 

I’m in my usual fiscal end-of-year panic about how quickly my money is disappearing and how can I spend less going forward…but I just don’t know how. I asked the H to pay more rent - it costs way more to live here now than it did when he moved in in 2016 - and he agreed. But that couple hundred dollars extra a month is not going to staunch the hemorrhaging. Life has just up and gotten super expensive. I need to make more money, but right now I don’t know how to make that happen.

The boys are in a bit of a difficult phase…I remember this happening a lot when they were littler; somehow things would just incrementally get more and more out of hand until I (and we) would have to lay down the law and start threatening consequences. It mostly has to do with homework and bedtimes - it’s become nearly impossible to get through either of these things without having to nag over and over, with both boys distracted and full of energy and jumping all over each other. It’s so frustrating. I read a passage in a book recently where a woman described her two brothers as boys “doing nothing else but constantly wrestling” and this is so true. I think of this every day. My cousins were like this at this age, too, and it also drove my aunt crazy. Solidarity.

As of tonight after we laid down the law, things *seem* to be a little more peaceful around here. But the boys absolutely loathe homework, and who doesn’t? I can only sympathize so much, and rationalize it with “life is full of things you have to do that you don’t want to do”, but kids don’t really hear that. They just know they spent all day in school and now they’re home where all the fun things are and they still have to do school things. It sucks. 

In other news, I’m on week 4 of my diet and am down nearly 7 lbs. It’s going well. While I started thinking I’d mix up the calorie days, I’ve found it’s easier to just do less than 1300 a day, every day. It’s mathematically impossible not to lose weight using this method, and the results are there. I am still 5 lbs overweight. But that definitely beats being 12 lbs overweight. I hope to be back to my event weight by Cancún in three weeks, which I am on track for. I haven’t tried my diet pills. I don’t feel the need yet - but I know in about a month or so is when it gets hard; when I’ve lost enough that I can justify stopping or gorging now and again, when the driving incentive goes away and the exhaustion and doubts creep in. Why not just stop? You’ve lost enough. Give yourself a break. All the things I tell myself that make me end up gaining ten pounds in two months. And so it goes. For now I’m very pleased with the progress, though, and feel good about continuing.