End of Feb

A lot has happened in the last week. We have moved into the kitchen, even though it’s not technically done. It’s done enough that for the last couple of days we’ve eaten in there, I’ve cooked in there, and been able to unpack most of the boxes littering the house (most things have just been thrown in cabinets and drawers in a jumble). I still have things to sort through - mostly linens, which are an odd emotional collection of useless things having belonged to my grandmother (do I continue to hang on to them?), table cloths I’ll never use, aprons I’ll never use, odd decorative items I can’t decide if I’m sick of or not. Many of the things that used to sit in high places in the old kitchen are thickly coated with grease from years of not having had an exhaust fan over the stove. All of those will have to be scrubbed. There’s a lot to go through and a lot of figuring out where’s the best place to put things. 

So far I feel like I’ve mostly made good decisions in there, though. It sucks that I don’t have a lot of counter space - but it was either that or sacrifice being able to eat in there, which I wasn’t ok with. When they finally put in the benches for the eating area the whole space felt cramped...but after a few breakfasts and dinners in there I have to say it’s a blessing to have everything within arm’s reach. I also love that you can now see the entire length of the house, all the way from the window of the enclosed porch to the window at the back of the 2nd bathroom. 

Today they’re doing some final trim, thresholds, and painting. We still need some cabinet doors, the table, and a final light fixture installed. The windows are being painstakingly painted. When the wallpaper lady comes Thursday I think we’ll finally be done...? 

I’m having a huge amount of anxiety about what, if anything, to ask this kitchen designer to credit me for all the mistakes she made that dragged this out months past it’s due date. I know she’s eaten it hard - having to have a whole new wall of cabinets made on her dime, ordering a new sink on her dime, new windows etc. She’s probably not making anything off of this job. Is it better to shake hands and then never hire her again? Or get into a huge conflict niggling over every little thing that went wrong? The whole thing is freaking me out. As much as I can’t wait to have my house back and return to normal life after all of this disruption (since October!), I am also sick with dread about confronting her. 

My software company purchase, while still “on”, has hit some snags. My soon to be business partner had originally wanted to bring two more people on (which I was ambivalent about), but after a lengthy conference call between the four of us, he wants to scale back their involvement. He’s afraid they’ll breathe down his neck and demand results that may not be possible, and I agree. So now he wants to offer them a much smaller stake, and this also stresses me out - we already put it out there to be equal partners; how do you take back that offer without insulting people? Thankfully the ball is in his court, so I don’t have to actually do anything. But it has caused the whole project to stutter, and I’ve got emails piling up for things that should really only be done on the new system, and I’m anxious to get it up and running. 

Also, I have a big, ugly scar on the side of my face. It sucks.

And I have a ton of tax work to do in two days and I have no idea what to expect from my taxes this year. 

And this week was Theo’s Dr Seuss week of every day some pain in the ass thing we have to do in our already crowded mornings - crazy hair, pajamas, dressing like a book character, etc etc - and next week is Bobby’s week. I’m leaning into it the best I can; I know this stuff is important and is supposed to be fun. But man I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. 

Thankfully Bobby’s poop issues are mostly resolved - I give him Miralax in apple sauce every morning, and he’s had only one random accident since. He says he no longer needs to poop in the mornings, only once at night, which makes life a lot easier. I don’t know when he’ll be able to function normally - just go when he feels like he needs to, on his own, without prompting. But just the relief of him not constantly pooping his pants is huge. So there’s that. 

Theo turns five in just two weeks. This is that moment that parents of small children dream of - your youngest child no longer “under five”, ready for kindergarten, past the baby things. As I unpacked boxes for the kitchen I threw away their baby spoons and bibs. Things are happening. Bobby on his own is quiet and gentle and loves to read. Theo is a complete maniac lately - every room of the house is a jungle gym and he barely eats anything - but I’m hoping one day soon we’ll have those quiet rainy afternoons I’d dreamed of with everyone reading or working on projects independently. It’s so within my grasp I can almost feel it.

Progress and not

Today I moved (nearly) all my kitchen stuff from the satellite kitchen into the new kitchen. I’ve been doing a sort of hybrid kitchen for the last couple of weeks, but now that the stove is hooked up and the knobs are on the cabinets, I felt it was time to have everything in one place. We still have no electric, no table, no backsplashes, and need paint and wallpaper. It won’t be done this week. But I’m sick of waiting.

Life with a nearly 100-year-old stove has been...interesting. The burners only work intermittently. The oven doesn’t appear to have any temperature control. I need to fiddle with it some more. The stove pilot might just be too low and that’s why the burners aren’t catching...I just really wish the stove had been delivered and set up by the restoration people. Trying to figure it out by myself has been scary, even though I’ve called them and they’ve walked me through some things. At some point I may see if they can come out here. 

In other news, we’re (I think?) proceeding with buying the registration software and setting up a little company...we just have to figure out what role (if any) other people will have in it. I’m looking forward to getting it going and setting up this year’s event on it. Right now I’ve got a ton of issues in my inbox waiting for the new system for me to deal with them. It stresses me out. Also, my taxes are due in three weeks, which is way too soon for comfort. I’m about halfway through preparing for it. Ugh.

I had Mohs surgery for a basal cell skin cancer on my right temple yesterday. I knew it was kind of a big deal - several hours and probably about $2000 out of my pocket - but it’s been really awful; I’ve been in a lot of pain the last couple of days, can’t shower above my neck (my hair is a greaseball from hell), and am feeling generally really uncomfortable and like I got beat up. I have no patience for the kids’ craziness right now. The BF offered to get the kids up for school today which helped a lot. I cannot wait until at least the pain stops and I can reduce down to a band aid.

Repeat after me: I will make an appointment the minute I see a possible skin cancer and not wait several months; I will make an appointment the minute I see a possible skin cancer and not wait several months; I will make an appointment the minute I see a possible skin cancer and not wait several months.

Here are some more kitchen pics:

Happy V-D

I regret I didn’t take pictures of all the Valentine’s stuff I put together for the kids’ school. Despite all that’s going on I think I knocked it out of the park this year. Maybe it was nice to have the distraction.

I made 23 gift bags for Bobby’s 1st grade classmates - a small box of stickers, a pencil, eraser, and heart candies in each, with a personalized card by Bobby (how great is it to have kids that can read and write); 8 gift bags for Theo’s classmates with a Paw Patrol theme, and then small boxes of homemade fudge for each teacher and TA. It’s actually less than last year since Theo’s in one small class rather than two. The kids were so into doing their cards and making sure each kid got just the right bag that I kind of wished I’d involved them more in the process. Next year? 

This would definitely be my major criticism of my parenting at the moment - I still do way too much for these kids. I wince when I see how capable and independent some other kids are; I know this is the biggest disservice you can do is not letting go of that control. And for me it is entirely a control thing - they’ll take too long, they’ll do it wrong, they’ll break something. Bobby is itching to help me in the kitchen but it’s tough - it’s way more work for me to slowly walk him through aspects of cooking rather than just do it efficiently myself. But now that he’s turning seven I really need to start giving him - and Theo - more autonomy. I can’t let my anxiety-driven control issues (for that’s what it’s all about) be their ruin.

I am meeting with my potential business partner about the registration system tomorrow. It sounds like he’s in; it’s just a question of hammering out details. He would like to get my camp set up by mid-March.

Also, my kitchen windows are at last and hopefully going in tomorrow. Which means everything. Cabinets can be finished, back splashes, trim, painting, wall paper and finish electric. My designer says she wants to wrap up next week. Can it be???

Here is a pic of me and Bobby at a special family friendly classical concert we went to Sunday. He was bored and restless but I managed to entertain him by randomly sticking my finger up his nose. The audience was full of his classmates so I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s trying to force my Pokémon-loving six-year-old to enjoy some culture. 

One week in

The issues with my registration system have gone from bad to worse. My complaining email was not met with an apology but a shift to a faceless support team, who fixed one problem but then created others. I managed to get a training call yesterday, which seemed promising - the trainer taught me to do some essential things, namely run reports, so now at least I can access the information. I was starting to feel like maybe I could make this system work at least to get me through this year before I can come up with something better...until I casually asked when I should set up a training for their check in system (what happens when 1300+ people flood in to my event Friday night at the hotel) and they said, “you didn’t say you needed a check in system. That’s not set up for you.” First of all, that was the main thing I talked about with the first person I dealt with. Once again, somehow this very important information was never passed on to anyone, and me, not knowing this, never thought I needed to bring it up. After a few panicked emails it was revealed that I will now have to personally go into each of 500 people’s registrations and set them up for some kind of check in system. 

That’s it. I’m officially out. 

It’s been a flurry of phone calls, texts, and google searches all week as I frantically tried to find another registration system I can switch to. I have some decent leads...one I’m doing a demo with tomorrow, another I should get a link to a demo tonight. Both have problems, however. One may not be workable at all for me because it’s too simple; the other is very expensive and requires people set up a membership on their system which I’m not a fan of. But I’m willing to check them out before I make a determination.

In other surprising news, I have pursued the option of buying last year’s system, and today the owner got back to me with a price that was very reasonable. The guy who helped me with my website and a techie friend of his are going to check out the system to see if it’s worthwhile for them to go in on it with me. It’s really a question of is the system good enough and will they get paid enough for the many hours of work maintaining it will bring. I certainly hope they go for it because it would mean a free registration system for my use from now on, one I like and know works, and even a possible side hustle if we choose to license it out to people. So I’m really pushing for this result. Few people will sign up in the next couple of months, so I would hope if we buy this system they can set me up for this year. But all of this is a long shot. 

It’s been insanely stressful. The utter frustration and sick feeling of disappointment that comes from knowing you put your trust into something - a company, a contractor, a lawyer, a doctor, whatever - and were let down and betrayed by that person or system, is truly horrible. Fortunately I caught it early, and this system does in fact work for the average user, so few people know I’m having issues. People are still signing up.

I have not, however, seen a dime of my money yet. I know last year the deposit took a few days, too, so I’m not worried...yet. But boy am I clamoring to pay some bills!!

I’m hoping the stress ball in my stomach releases soon and I stop having nightmares. 

Not much happened with the kitchen this week - but I do now have a working sink, garbage disposal and dishwasher. I’ve used the dishwasher twice, and it’s amazing. It’s a bit inconvenient to walk dishes back and forth between two rooms, but hopefully that won’t be the case for much longer. We’re just waiting on those goddam windows. Once those are in everything else can happen - trim, tiling, eating area, stove, refrigerator, wallpaper, finish electric. Two weeks, three weeks more? It’s hard to say. I sure hope this doesn’t stretch into March. 

It’s on

So Friday my event registration officially began. After getting the kids through dinner, tooth brushing, pooping and pajamas, I sat nervously on my computer, poised to switch the system from “demo mode” to “live mode”. At exactly 8 PM, I clicked.

Silence. Nothing for a minute or so. Then...bam. 

They started pouring in. There were no complaints, no “it’s not working!!” panicked emails. I refreshed the dashboard’s screen over and over, watching the money pour in. After an hour or so I freed myself to get up and wash the dishes as a little break. By the time I came back...there was a problem.

Suddenly my discounted rate, which was supposed to last 24 hours, had expired. Panicked emails. I got on the system but couldn’t figure out what happened...until I figured out that the system had been set to central time, not pacific coast time, AND the discounted rate had been set to expire at the beginning of Saturday, not the end of it. So the system thought it was midnight Saturday, time to expire! What the fuck. To be fair, this has happened to me many, many times in the past with these midnight expirations - invariably someone sets them for the wrong day. Refunds and groveling emails followed. Ugh.

Then a South Korean attendee noticed their country was not in the countries list where you put in your address - but North Korea was. Again, wtf. This person kindly asked me to add South Korea because it will make them sad if I don’t. More apologizing, groveling emails on my part. And I can’t fix it until Monday because this stupid company is only open for help during business hours. Ugh ugh.

So, lots of problems, far more than I could ever categorize here. Mostly - I don’t know how to use this system. I was so focused on making sure registration would actually work that I gave no thought to the back end - how do I get into people’s registrations and fix things for them? How do I add people who aren’t supposed to pay? How do I fix the multitudinous country omissions and problems? 

I’m going to have to get someone on the phone tomorrow and have a long session to go over all of these issues. I’m not sure I can stay with this company if certain things aren’t changed. Right now doing simple things looks so incredibly complicated that I can just see months of irritating admin work ahead of me. At one point I even considered looking into buying last year’s system with a techie friend because it was so much easier to use. That idea is not off the table, btw. 

In other news, I had my biggest opening night ever with about 430 people paid and 500 attempted to pay. That’s way more than even last year. I’m excited and a little scared. But let’s just say I will shortly be able to pay my $25,000 credit card bill. Hooray!

I stressed out all day Saturday, still dealing with customer service issues, but today was better. I dropped the kids at the drop-in place and went to a knitting get together I organized. I’m still a disaster when it comes to knitting - I get such a kick out of it that I just fly ahead and try to knit over mistakes rather than go back and fix them, mostly because I don’t know how to fix them. Sigh. It’s hard to be new at something. Between knitting and this new registration system I feel like my head is going to explode.