Reclaiming

We finally got back out to the desert this weekend after a long hiatus. It had been nearly four months since we spent the night out there, and it showed. The place needed a great deal of rearranging and sorting - we had packed up and put nearly everything in the container to make way for the contractors, and the place itself was full of sawhorses and wood and sawdust. They had also left several large garbage bags full of detritus, and siding all around in the sand which had to be painstakingly walked over to the container, piece by piece. The H was not thrilled with the condition they left the place in - they clearly didn’t care by the end - they also took much of our 5 gallon jugs of water away for some reason. I was annoyed, too, but considering what we went through to get this place finally in order after two and a half years, I take it in stride.

Upon entering the place, we discovered the spiders had claimed it as their own - and two scorpions had taken up residence in the “kitchen” corner. I’d never seen scorpions out there before and I have to admit it freaked me out a bit. I kept having flashbacks to my mother describing her daily habit of shaking the scorpions out of her shoes when she lived in huts in Mexico in the 60s. So I was on edge that first night until it became clear that the bugs were aware of our presence and stayed away the rest of our visit. Still, the H insisted on bagging everything up and spraying poison as we left - not something I would have bothered with, but probably not a bad idea. 

It was uncomfortably hot and dry - much hotter than original predictions - so I tried to lay low in the shade and not move much; I managed to get the kids involved in endless games of Uno, and we did have one lovely night in hammocks under the stars (always the highlight of being there). The H busied himself with projects in the hot sun with no water and was surprised when he felt hit by a truck later. If we were on Naked and Afraid I would be the one that would succeed by conserving my energy and slowly starving; he would be the one that would crash and burn after blowing too many calories with tons of activity. Sometimes it’s about the strategy.

We won’t be seeing heat like this again for a long time; our next visit isn’t for a month, but I hope to spend much of November out there, maybe even another friends-only visit, depending. I don’t feel comfortable firing up the shoddily installed wood burning stove, but I think with the new insulation that our little propane heater should do the trick (with the C02 monitor and a window cracked, of course). I look forward to winter days when long hikes in Amboy or Joshua Tree National Park will be feasible again.

For now, the boys are back at school and I head to Chicago on Friday for a singing gig that involves learning eight new songs; I think we’re being housed in a hostel-type environment where there will be multiple people in a room together which I’m very much not looking forward to. The weekend after we’re at a jazz festival in northern CA where we get our own hotel rooms, and there’s a lot less for me to do and friends in attendance, so I’m excited about that one. Our band travel is, very slowly, returning.

After some false starts, I have a gut-wrenching logo for my podcast drawn for free by someone I did a favor for; I’m not sure when my bandleader will have time to record a little music for me, but I think I can at least start doing interviews soon, maybe once these back-to-back trips are behind me. I’m still nervous about the technical side - making it sound good, promoting it properly, etc etc, but I’m going to give myself the grace that I’m not a professional podcaster and I have to start somewhere. I think the content alone sells it - for anyone curious about my rapidly diminishing obscure little former sect, this will be the one place you’ll get to hear about it from the people who lived it, interviewed by someone who also lived it. I think it could be a helpful resource regardless of how slick it is or isn’t.

Recovering and becoming

Covid negative, woot! Despite the inconvenience of having to curb all social interaction for a couple of weeks, this go-round was shockingly mild and not life affecting for the most part. Am I still terrified I’ll get out for a hike and drop dead of a post-covid heart attack? Yes. Who knows what internal damage this virus has done to me. Welp, whatever it is, it’s me and pretty much everyone else on the planet. 

Weather appears to be cooperating, so we should be set for a cabin visit this weekend, which thrills me to no end. I’ve missed it terribly and am looking forward to having the cabin and the surrounding area back in our lives on a consistent basis. In other news, because my newly-cleared brain has to plan something, I’m plotting a spring break rv trip for next March, hitting some spots still on my list. My notes from our summer trip taught me two things - campervans are not practical unless you don’t plan on ever using the bathroom or shower, and these owner-rental sites, despite having worked out the first time, are not worth using anymore. All you get is misinformation, broken equipment and lack of guidance. I think originally the big rv rental places were more expensive, but this is no longer the case. I looked at one out of curiosity and found we could get a nice new clean rv for less than half what I’ve been paying for these broken down old wrecks that are always delivered with full waste tanks and broken gauges…eff that. I’m going to guess that two things are happening - camping dropping off post-covid has caused the big companies to slash rates, while just like Airbnb, the owner-rental sites have gone up and up and now comprise endless extra fees that make you end up paying more than double the nightly rate you thought you were paying. Since it’ll be March we’ll need a warm, wind proof place to sleep, so regular camping is out. I want to take the week and hit Red Rock Canyon state park (officially the last desert park in CA we haven’t visited), followed by the Trona Pinnacles, then rounding out at the Kelso dunes which we’ve driven by but never stopped at. I doubt the Kelso dunes can compare to the Ibex dunes, but we shall see. As usual, the H is on board. So, hooray for plans (and cheap ones at that).

I did a thing on Saturday that I have been debating for literally 35 years. I got a tattoo. After declaring to the H some months ago that “I guess I’m just not a tattoo person - if I were, I would have gotten one by now,” it dawned on me that the reason I haven’t gotten one is because I just couldn’t figure out what I wanted, nor push past the discomfort of finding an artist, making an appointment, talking to new people, etc etc. But this summer I had a consult with a very talented female artist I know through swing dancing, and this Saturday we spent the entire day fleshing out the design together and then spent three hours on the actual tattoo while I watched the entire 12th season of The Real World. Did it hurt? Yes, but pretty much exactly as I expected - mostly just an annoying scraping feeling with moments of lip-biting pain that passed quickly. Let’s just say I was able to endure three hours of it, and I probably have average pain tolerance. My plan was to have something old school - Sailor Jerry style - and that incorporates elements of my hidden heritage (Brazil) and one of my favorite phrases that sums up my approach to life; A Luta Continua (Portuguese for “the struggle continues” or “the fight continues”). This is a phrase said by Brazilians in response to “how’s it going?” It’s so true, isn’t it? 

Right now the tattoo is covered in plastic with a repulsive bubble of trapped ink and blood swooshing around…it’s giving me massive anxiety that it’s going to pop and ruin my clothes/the car/the bed etc, but the artist assured me this is normal and to leave it until Friday when the healing should be complete enough to remove the plastic. Here is what it looked like right after application:

I love it and wish I hadn’t waited so long, but I guess things happen when they happen. I don’t intend to get many in my life - I’d still like to get a NY street sign at some point - but I think that’ll be about it for me. I guess I have to start investing in some muscle tees and thinking about toning up these arms, huh?

Now what?

As always in those fading days of summer post-event, I’m flailing a bit as I’m not used to having this much free time. It’s weird only getting a couple of emails a day. So, mostly I’ve been on auto pilot getting the kids to and from school, making dinners, supervising showers and laundry and homework. This week they started their afterschool clubs - a thin and expensive replacement for the free afterschool program which of course they didn’t get admitted to. On Mondays they both have chess club, and Tuesdays Bobby has parkour while Theo has dungeons & dragons club. This buys me an extra hour, hour and a half pickup on those days. It’s not much, but I’ll take it - and thankfully, despite their protestations (and by “their” I mean Bobby’s), they’ve enjoyed the clubs. I’ll be honest, though - the early pickups have proven to be not a big deal. The only time it’s a problem is when I can’t be here - like on traveling gigs, which are still few compared to the Before Times - otherwise leaving in the middle of the day to pick up kids hasn’t been as disruptive as I thought. 

Still recovering from covid - I feel totally fine, but as of yesterday was still testing faintly positive. I’ll test again tomorrow before I attempt to go to back to school night on Thursday. I hope I clear it this week. I could really use some friend get togethers. With the H working late every single night and all weekend, it’s been a bit lonely around here. I’m filling the void with Japanese and Korean dating shows which are wholesome and delightful.

I’m already on the plan to put together next year’s event, negotiating with teachers and thinking about bands. Every year is like a jigsaw puzzle. Tomorrow is my tax consult, which will greatly determine my future. If I can’t put next year’s ticket sales into next year (and I’m going to guess I can’t), taxes could really wipe me out this year. I could owe $40,000 more than the $25,000 I’ve already paid. Ouch. Well, at least this will be the only year I’ll really eat it. We’ll see if he has any strategies for me going forward. 

In the meantime I’m starting the ball rolling on my podcast - I’ve reached out to the person that offered me a free logo design, and am getting recommendations for audio equipment and platforms. Then I just need my bandleader to record a little guitar piece for me, and I can set up my first interview. It may take a while to get rolling but hopefully this can be my fall project and I can get into a groove with it soon. 

If the weather cooperates, we could have our first desert cabin visit in almost four months weekend after next. I am dying to get out there. Last time we had a real visit was our anniversary weekend when it was still not finished, and we had to clear the place out at the end and put everything in the shipping container. So this time there will be a lot of cleaning and re-setting up of the whole place. I’m proposing we go out Saturday morning so we don’t have to set everything up in the dark, and stay through Monday when the kids have school off. Then I want to do the big furniture trip over Thanksgiving, since that’s going to be a lot of work and involve a U-Haul, moving of furniture from our shed, and a lengthy trip to ikea. It’s taken two and a half years, but we’re finally ready to “move in”. I can’t wait.

Post-event wrap up

I survived the event, for the 25th time. Despite my fears, everyone made it *to* the event, even the tabulator who had danced with covid positive people at an event the weekend before; even the sound engineer who’s town was being battered by a hurricane the day before his flight. So we all made it to the event, and the event went, and it was great. Lots of good feelings and tears of joy and meaningful moments.

However, I, and everyone I know, got covid at the event. Last year we must have just gotten lucky; this year was the superspreader I feared in 2023. I can barely go on Facebook this week because it’s nothing but pictures of positive tests, which I take as a personal rebuke (and is sometimes, though not always, meant as such). It’s been a huge bummer and an unpleasant end - especially being sick myself, although this time it’s barely registering as a mild cold - but as I keep reminding myself, this is our life now. I used to routinely come out of this and every other event much sicker than this - a reality people forget - and it looks like Labor Day will always involve a spike in cases, since it has every year. Between kids returning to school and people returning from vacations, Labor Day will always be a covid hot spot. Another reason to consider moving dates, if possible. 

The H and kids so far don’t have it - although Bobby started coughing today - and I’m hoping I’ll clear it sometime next week. I’m worried about this lingering cough with two traveling singing gigs in two weeks, but at least I don’t have to worry about getting covid before or during those trips, now. I may even be good through the winter and can delay getting the next booster shot until before next year’s event, which might allay some of my fears next summer. We’ll see. But welcome to event planning with covid.

Other than that, I sincerely wish the event were less crowded with stuff - it was a steamroller that ran me ragged, especially on the final night. But I don’t know how to fix that. Our tribute to Jean was absolutely perfect, and that was everything I had hoped. My voice held up. I was able to guide our blind participant through her contest, and that was a pleasure and a very special moment. I opened for next year’s ticket sales, and that was a hit - we sold about 260 tickets as of last night. So I will definitely continue that tradition - although, sadly, it may screw me in taxes this year. I have a consult with my tax guy next week to figure that out. 

How do I feel about the future? Optimistic. I was looking at my list of austerity cuts during the weekend and realized they all suck and I don’t want to do them. I think I need to be brave and hopeful and push harder, not fall into that trap of retracting the event because less people are coming, only to have even less people come because the event is less appealing. I think we’re operating on all new metrics right now - that the 25th anniversary wasn’t really a draw and that issues like the various strikes and no room at the hotel and covid were way more of a deterrent (and really, we went into the event with maybe only 100, 150 people less than 2019, so not bad). So I feel good about next year.