Thanksgiving

I managed to skirt Thanksgiving almost entirely for a third year, but I’m not sure how much longer I can get away with it. I know the family wants to see our family members and have the big meal and do all the things we’re emotionally attached to from childhood. But I have a series of complaints. Not, surprisingly, making a big meal for a group of people, which I actually enjoy. It’s more this:

Having family visit for Thanksgiving is great, but a) this time of year sucks in LA. The sun goes down at 4:30, it’s cold and rainy, and everything is packed and expensive. Also, it costs a small fortune to fly/stay anywhere. Surely there are better times for family visits?? b) the genocide of native peoples at my ancestors’ hands and subsequent white-washing of this fact is something that I just can’t reasonably celebrate anymore c) it’s a week off school and therefore a perfect opportunity to go do something cool instead of sit around the house and eat horrid food for days. 

I’m also avoiding one problematic family member, but I won’t go into that here. That’s the main reason for avoiding the holiday altogether. I’ll have to tread lightly around this in future.

So instead we did what has become an annual Death Valley trip. This year I followed last year’s lessons and kept the trip shorter - five days as opposed to seven - and kept us in one area, and not anywhere freezing (or so I thought). I enjoyed this trip - especially because it ended spectacularly at the stunning Ibex dunes, but it was not without issues.

The first day (Monday) we drove to Beatty, NV, home of the wild burros, which we got a big kick out of. 

The plan was to head into Death Valley to hike Mosaic or Titus Canyon, which we had run out of time for the last two years. I bought a pass in advance, brought all our camel back water backpacks and hiking boots, etc. But life had other plans. I woke up Tuesday morning in excruciating- and I mean excruciating - abdominal pain. It felt exactly like labor, but pitocin-induced labor where the pain never fucking ends. It was a radiating pain that went from my lower right abdomen around to the back. Naturally all I could think of was ruptured appendix, so I woke up the H and told him I was in trouble. We shuffled me in my PJs to the local urgent care, but, being a tiny town, they had no doctor on staff and recommended we drive the nearly two hours to Vegas. Which goes to show that remote areas are great until they aren’t. I started the process of calling my HMO health care plan to see where I could go without being charged an arm and a leg (ah, the US healthcare system), called the on-call nurse (who of course couldn’t diagnose anything and told me to just go somewhere), and somewhere in the middle of all this, the pain completely stopped. Then we had to decide - do we still make the long drive to get checked out just in case, or risk doing an intense hike in Death Valley? What if the pain stopped because my appendix burst? (I was later told this is not a thing). Well, naturally we weren’t about to take any risks, so we made the long drive to Pahrump to a slightly closer clinic and I instead spent three hours there waiting to be seen. The verdict? Nobody knows, could have been anything. Definitely not appendix since the area never hurt when I pushed on it. Possible kidney stone, but extremely unlikely since I have no history of them. There’s always the ol’ trapped gas scenario, and that could have been it, but I’ve had that before - and boy, does it hurt - and it feels very different from what I experienced. The doctor said it was most likely a very angry, inflamed bowel that flared up and then settled down once the offending substance passed through (I did have a small poo that morning during the pain). I had eaten horribly the day before while we traveled (it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been burned by Denny’s blue cheese dressing). So. That was the first day of our trip. 

Can I just say what a pleasure it is to be having a medical emergency and everyone listen to you and take care of you? The last time I had severe abdominal pain exactly like this I was about eleven or twelve, living alone with my mother, and we were doing our usual prayer-and-Bible-study-instead-of-actual-healthcare routine, and I was rolling around in bed moaning in agony all day, and her only response was to tell me to quiet down so the neighbors don’t call the police and get her in trouble. Yeah, this was a much better experience. 

Wednesday we were set to move to our second location, but I was loath to leave Beatty without doing any of the things we went there for, so we re-visited Rhyolite after just passing through last year, and had a swell time at the ghost town and museum.

We drove to the next Airbnb which was supposed to be in Tecopa but was really about a 1/2 hour away right next to the Nevada border. I had booked it because I wanted to stay in this cool pyramid structure, but days before the owner had told me the heat broke down so we were moved to some tiny houses. When we pulled up at sunset it was like a scene from Easy Rider - there was a group of people about to take off on electric motorbikes; they told us to settle in while they shot a promotional video for their new offering (the bikes). When they got back there was a bit of back and forth about where we were staying and what was happening with the property - unfortunately the cold had burst their pipes that morning so there was no running water, rendering the private bathrooms useless; the owner, a Russian woman with three kids and a large extended family visiting, said there would be a plumber early next morning to fix it (there wasn’t). Ultimately we stayed in two tiny houses which thankfully had heat (at least, until the solar power quit in the middle of the night, then kicked back on when the sun came up). That night we were included in the festivities this family had going on - they made dinner for us (sadly, only bread and mashed potatoes for me since everything else was meat), we all shot off fireworks, had a big bonfire, and were welcomed to join their “banya”, a rock-shaped sauna. Then they took off for the night and we never saw them again. They were so kind to us and it was such a crazy desert adventure that night that I don’t want to complain about it, but the place was clearly not ready for visitors - everything was sort of half-finished, and they clearly had no idea what they were doing; flushing the toilets with buckets of water they’d left us and not having showers was not exactly in our plans, and the outdoor kitchen, while basically serviceable, was severely lacking (especially with no water to wash dishes). It was freezing cold at night, dropping into the low thirties, so boy was it hard to get out of bed in the morning as the heaters were just barely kicking in after being off for hours. But we managed to make it work. I cooked breakfasts and did my marine shower with water in a pan heated on the propane stove, we played epic games of Uno each night, and generally enjoyed the desert quiet and scenery.

On Thanksgiving we went to China Ranch again like last year, hiked and had date shakes, went to the hot spring, and then had Thanksgiving food at the Crow Bar in Shoshone which was closed last year but thankfully open this year with Thanksgiving food, to boot (I had a veggie burger). 

The H had stated he wanted to go into Vegas on Thanksgiving day, but that sounded like an absolute nightmare to me. You can imagine my visceral reaction to planning this trip based on quiet and isolation and peacefulness only to be told we’re going to VEGAS, on a holiday, the complete polar opposite of what I wanted. I had a lot of stress leading up to telling him I did NOT want to just wander around Vegas all day looking for (expensive, shitty and over stimulating) things to do when I knew they would all love it and I would hate it. You don’t want to be selfish. But I told him I really didn’t want to go, and he grudgingly agreed. I think the possible expense plus not really having a plan won out. Phew. 

Our final day, we packed up from our crazy Russian desert spot (nobody ever checked in on us - good thing we left just as the toilet flushing water ran out), and headed for the Ibex dunes, a remote sand dune spot I figured we could hit on our way home. We somehow found a rough back road to this place, and boy did it not disappoint!! This, to me, was the ultimate. We only saw maybe two other people the entire day - most, at a distance - it was completely pristine and untouched, just miles of beautifully sculpted sand dunes that looked like they were painted there. We found an old talc mine behind them and had a little picnic. 

 



This place really fed my soul. Just ear-ringingly quiet and isolated. We had a bit of a heart thumper as we trekked back to the car as the sun was setting and weren’t entirely sure where we were; the boys were tired and we were out of water. But we found it, made our way out (as we left the main road, not the back way we’d come in, we saw it was closed, which explained why so few people were up there) and headed home. It’s always so strange to me that you can spend a day basically on Mars but then be safe in your own bed at night. Bizarre.

One unpleasant footnote to the trip was our very first day up there I got an email that the big grant I got in 2020 has been flagged for review, which means I have to spend this week compiling tons of paperwork, writing letters, and making calls to make sure I’ve done things right (some of the paperwork they’re asking for is so complicated I don’t even understand what they’re asking for). My expenses are all legit so technically I should have nothing to worry about, but I’m still terrified something will go wrong and I’ll be required to hand some or all of the money back. This was my worst fear was getting “flagged”, and here we are. It cast a real pall over the week as every time I thought about it I became racked with anxiety. This will be my whole job next week, tackling this and then praying they accept everything and clear me. If I have to give money back for any reason I’m in big trouble. 

As always I’m looking ahead to future trips and trying to decide what we should do. Personally I would love to just head to Death Valley every year - there’s endless stuff to do there - and if the H gets a car that can tow, getting or renting a small trailer and boondocking *might* be on the list as that would at least be a new experience everyone could enjoy. But I’d also like to venture east and spend more time in Arizona - still lots to see there, or even fly to New Mexico and drive back, something like that. I’ve started plotting possible treks now. 

Today we’re meant to do Christmas stuff but personally I’d rather lie in bed all day. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. 

November desert trip

Back from our November cabin visit, with the sand in our ears and noses to prove it. We didn’t accomplish all that we’d hoped, but I feel like overall it was a success.

It took so long to get the materials on Saturday (I blame my husband’s ADHD) that by the time we got to work we were just minutes from the now early sunset and resultant cold; woke up to an immense wind storm Sunday, but he insisted on continuing to work (he is an intense physical laborer - I would have said “fuck this” and enjoyed a nice cup of tea in the shelter after like five minutes). Still, of the four posts we were trying to install for our hammock/fire pit set up, we only got one placed. We borrowed a scary mechanical auger from the neighbor that didn’t work most of the time, which ended up involving the neighbor coming over and bringing another guy to try to fix it…it was a bit of a big mess. DIY is no joke. If we had paid the contractor neighbor to do it he probably could have knocked it out in a couple of hours for a couple hundred bucks. Instead I spent $450 on supplies and we spent all weekend on it and didn’t get anything done. Sigh. 

The good news is my little heater worked out great - the cabin was chilly but not freezing (it would have been unbearable without that heater) and we’re all alive so it didn’t poison us. I cracked a window and we set up a co2 alarm, but I was still a little freaked out. At least now I know we can hack winters out there even with no real heat or insulation. Hopefully those issues will be rectified before our next visit, however. 

The family time was invaluable - we played Sorry and Uno with hot cocoa, things we haven’t done in far too long because normally we’re too busy running around doing things and too tired at night. Since we haven’t played games together in so long, it was fascinating to see what a better player Theo has become - the difference between being six, seven, and then eight, has been immense. He used to “rage quit” a lot, especially when he knew he was losing. I think that’s pretty common for littler kids who are working out how to deal with the reality of not getting to win all the time. Bobby was the same. But now that we’re all on the same page, playing games is fun again. 

I enjoyed my cabin kitchen, such as it is, and got good use out of the little 1930s female urinal I bought (because of course I did). We all decided an outhouse has to be our priority for the contractor. Having a toilet there will do wonders for our quality of life, for sure. So that happens first. Since I’m tied up at Knott’s singing every weekend in December, and then Jan is also full of travel and gigs, we probably won’t return for about two months. It’s possible we could have a toilet built by then. 

The neighbors who built the little place to the west of us have not done any more work on it - it’s still there just open to the elements. However they did manage to place a 40’ shipping container next to it which is hidden from our cameras, so quite a shock to drive up to. I’m so worried this place is going to be a constantly rockin’ Airbnb and we’ll have no privacy. But there’s no way of knowing. Worse comes to worst we can install some privacy fencing. I still want to be able to run around naked. 

This week at school is teacher conferences so the kids are off by 1 each day. I’m not sure how to navigate pick ups. Hard to believe we leave on our Death Valley trip in just one week. I’ve called around and all the places that were closed last year are now open (restaurants, that is), just showing more covid recovery. 

And the midterms-! We were driving to our favorite sushi place in 29 Palms when we got the news that we officially got the Senate with the NV win - so awesome! I got that one wrong, but in the best way. We were celebrating all through dinner. As the election night progressed I had allowed myself some optimism - enough smart, informed people around me were telling me we were going to do well - but the H hadn’t, to bolster himself against disappointment. Facebook is showing me memories of angry protests after Trump’s grotesque win six years ago; what a nightmare that was, and yet how vindicated we are now. That yes, that was just an ugly blip on our timeline, that it wasn’t necessarily the end of the American Experiment, that young people would, in fact, get out and vote and save our lame asses. We’ve got a lot of work to do, but these results this week just show me that the MAGA idiots are not the majority and will not win everything and that sanity will prevail. Personally, I’m jubilant.

November

We’re headed to the desert for the long weekend, hopefully when we’re all up on Friday as the boys have school off. I’m keeping my plans and expectations minimal for what we’re going to accomplish this weekend out there - I want to place the four posts for our hammock pit and two for the frame of an outdoor shower. It will involve borrowing a post digger from our elderly neighbor and trying to mix concrete somehow with no running water. I don’t know how it’s going to go, really. Let’s just say if we fuck it up, it kind of doesn’t matter. Thankfully our neighbor contractor returns in a month and says he’ll put us on his calendar. There is a real chance that starting in Dec or Jan we could finally see some real progress out there. Like, windows and walls and shit. It’s going to be cold AF out there, and I’m worried we’re just going to freeze. I bought us an indoor rated propane heater and a co2 alarm, but to be honest I’m very paranoid about running it. Dying of co2 poisoning is on my list of worst fears. I’m hoping we can all just get cozy in our sleeping bags and not use it. I’m still at a loss for a permanent solution to the cold out there. 

Speaking of worst fears - we survived the midterms!!! In my opinion, it was a great result. Dems winning big was, to be honest, never very realistic, so to me what we’ve gotten so far is a very powerful message; Trumpism is on its way out. Even if we end up losing both house and senate - a possibility - I kind of don’t care; if that’s what we have to live with, two years of gridlock won’t kill us; the more important message is that this was no giant red wave as Trump and his cronies hoped, many of his picks failed, and I’m positively jubilant. Fetterman was a stunning and awesome win - we woke up the kids with our yelling and celebrating. Now, we wait. My prediction? We get AZ, Reps get NV. We win GA in the Dec runoff. We lose the House but not by much. Trump announces his candidacy, DeSantis announces his, and the GOP is a hot mess for the next two years. Anyway. After two years of sheer terror anticipating this moment, preparing to watch us slide ever closer to a fascist dictatorship we may never recover from, this step back from the brink was a huge sigh of relief for me. Huge.

Next week is the boys’ teacher conferences, in which I get my first peek into how they’re doing this school year and how they’re being perceived at school. They’ve never not gotten stellar reviews from their teachers, but I’m prepared for any eventuality. Especially Theo. I’ve seen a lot less of him in normal, in-person school than I have Bobby, so I’m not sure how he’s doing. Fingers crossed he’s doing well.

We managed to skirt the walking home from school debacle this week because of two days of rain, and then today they randomly got invited to a birthday party after school at someone’s house that had me flustered - I had to go pick them up in my pyjamas with wet hair and laundry half done, take them to a random person’s house and try to be social when I was totally unprepared to do so. I ended up leaving with Bobby because the kid was a second grader so B didn’t really want to hang out and it gave me a good excuse to leave, too. So Theo stayed behind with Bobby’s watch and texted me a couple of hours later to be picked up. I’ve learned about myself that I can only socialize when I’m prepared for it - being thrown into a situation like that with no notice is pretty much my worst nightmare. So I noped my way out of there. 

Good news about our Thanksgiving trip, the road from Beatty, NV to Death Valley is finally open after three months of closures from storm damage. So we won’t have to take the long route from Beatty into the park or skip it all together. The bad news is the cool pyramid structure I booked us to sleep in is having trouble with the heating so we’ve been moved to a couple of generic tiny houses. Boo. Well, maybe if our heater works out this weekend we can just bring that. Hard to believe we’ll be on that trip in less than two weeks.

 

Halloween and school plans

We had a perfectly delightful Halloween. So great to have things back to normal and not so full of fear. I didn’t get to go to the carnival after all because my band threw together a gig instead, but the school Halloween parade resumed Monday morning, and we went trick or treating earlier in our favorite Eagle Rock neighborhood which was a good call as it was less zoo-like at 6 pm as opposed to 8 when we used to go. After too many uses, Theo’s blow up dinosaur costume had holes and kept deflating which bummed him out, but Bobby’s Black Knight costume was a hit for those who got the reference. We even were able to have a chill dinner in the neighborhood and get to bed at a decent hour. Such a contrast from the truly dangerous and scary NYC Halloweens of my youth. I still expect awful things to happen on that night and am always shocked when it’s just a nice, pleasant time. 

Yesterday I toured the Eagle Rock school I want the kids to go to for jr/sr high. It was pretty much as I expected - it’s an older school, built in the 20s, so it’s not flashy, but has a long, illustrious history. I think it’ll be a good fit for the kids, but you just never know. That fall of 2024 is going to be a real nailbiter as far as how Bobby will adjust. I like to think these kids are pretty adaptable - they’ve never once had issues with going to new schools or places. But I don’t know what 12-year-old Bobby will be like compared to 10-year-old Bobby. I imagine he’ll be a lot like me - earphones in, music blasting, eyes on the ground. I hope some of his friends go there. I figure his chances of being admitted are decent, but no guarantees. Still, if he doesn’t get into the gifted magnet he can still be in the regular school and have access to a lot of the higher level classes, so it sort of doesn’t really matter. It feels good to have a plan in place and know what to do. Many of the other parents are still undecided at this point and I feel for them. That was me a couple of years ago.

Bobby pushed me to my limit this week, which is something that hasn’t happened since the violin days or the encopresis days. Boy, when he doesn’t want to do something, look out! He pretty much decided he doesn’t want to walk home from school anymore, and has turned it into this massive campaign that’s dragged on for weeks and driven me absolutely nuts. The apex of this was, on Wednesday, staying at school until after 5pm (he’s supposed to leave at 4) when it was getting dark, and telling me (via his kid watch) that now I’d have to come get him. Nope, nope, nope. “We” had a discussion with him I which we told him this kind of behavior would not be tolerated, and, thank god, he just came down yesterday. I definitely have wavered in my mind about the walking - maybe it’s too much for them? With daylight savings ending this weekend, maybe I need to just go get them from now on until it gets lighter again? It’s no skin off my nose to pick them up - I’m always home at that time - but as stated before, I’m doing this because I want them to have a little freedom, this is their only chance ever to walk home from school, and I want the flexibility to not be here sometimes (especially if I travel, which I will this spring). But it’s turned into this terrible, exhausting tug of war that had me at my wit’s end this week. It gave me an unpleasant peek into the future when these kids will be a lot more disagreeable than they are now, and I didn’t like it, not one bit.