Family tree

Welp, the school assignment that every SMC dreads has arrived - the Family Tree. Honestly I’m kind of surprised that in this sensitive day and age they still have projects like this that could be so problematic for so many people. 

I freely admit we got a “get-out-of-single-parenthood-free” card with the addition of the boyfriend as “dad”. So at least I could stick him on there and not have to worry that Bobby will be questioned or shamed about the absence of a dad. There is a dad there...and hopefully nobody will notice that only mom’s side of the family is represented, since Bobby doesn’t know the boyfriend’s family (which pretty much only consists of a half-sister and her kids, three of which are adults). 

I had to go with who I had pictures of - so I scanned pictures of my sister and brother-in-law, my parents, my mother’s parents, and my maternal grandmother’s parents. I’m hoping the impressive stretch back to great-great-grandparents makes up for the holes in the rest of the story. 

Nobody needs to know that only one person is still living from the grandparent and beyond group - my super cray father who I haven’t seen in nearly 40 years and who Bobby will never meet. Nobody needs to know my mother just two (or three? Who knows) months ago died a horrific death in a 3rd world country of cultic medical neglect. Nobody needs to know about my grandfather’s alcoholism and grandmother’s coldness and abuse of her daughters. Any transgressions before that have long been lost to history. As well they should be. 

At the end of the project Bobby drew a heart on the trunk of the tree with arrows pointing at all of the pictures. All he sees is love when he sees the faces he knows and the people who made him. For now, let’s keep it that way. 

Extended summer

I’m in Denver at a weekend singing gig. I feel like all I do in Denver is drink and pee in an attempt to stave off altitude sickness, yet I still feel like garbage. Oh well, I’ll be back home tomorrow! 

My event’s viral clip just broke a million views today, amidst much celebrating. I love that so many of the comments are about how happy it makes people who watch. Lindy Hop is just so joyful. I really don’t know what I’d do without it, and Lindy Hoppers, in my life.

We went to Bobby’s orchestra thing on Tuesday and I was unimpressed. Only three kids there other than Bobby, one who was unfortunately a very high energy friend of his, someone who he’s gotten in trouble with. The teacher had a very difficult time reining the kid in, and the whole thing was way below Bobby’s ability level. The teacher seemed to think he should stay at this level because “we need strong players.” The boyfriend made a good point that maybe it’ll give Bobby the confidence to perform whereas being in the upper level - assuming he’d even be approved - might be too intimidating at his age. He is definitely not keen on playing in front of people so I don’t want to traumatize him right out of the gate. I’ve been debating just pulling him out of it for how inconvenient it is for me and our schedule...and how much I don’t want to deal with keeping him from misbehaving with this other kid, while also managing a bored four-year-old for an hour...it’s a lot of stress for me. Yet...I don’t want to teach him that you can just quit things because they’re inconvenient or require work...and anything I can do to encourage his musical life I want to do. So I think I’ll muscle through it even though I’m kind of regretting getting him into it at the moment. 

Several snags in my upcoming kitchen renovation (of course); number one being my casual mention that the house is covered in asbestos siding (which will be cut into when they place new windows); somehow I thought the designer was aware of this, but she was not. So now I’ll have to pay for testing of the materials and probably spend thousands to have it removed and disposed of properly. Also, the inexpensive salvage yard sink she found for me won’t work because it needs a place for a dishwasher air gap (I don’t even have one now, but apparently it’s required by the state of CA). I spent all day researching and found one online that might work...for $2000 more. And so it goes. This is just the beginning. Just wait until we get into the walls and find the dry rot/termite damage/corroded pipes/foundation issues/mold/what have you. 

Suddenly having a cheap pre-fab ikea kitchen built isn’t sounding so bad. Just kidding. 

Done

Survived another one. Everything went fine - a lot less contentious than last year. No trouble from any of my banned and ostracized people; so glad most of that drama appears to be at least temporarily subdued. The new registration system worked well - however, I found out the day before the event that the system is no longer going to be operational after this year. So I will have to start all over again next year! Womp womp.

I’d like to say I was less stressed this year than usual - I suppose in some ways I was; I danced more than I ever have, and didn’t completely lose my voice like I usually do, was even able to do a gig in Orange County the day after I got home. But it was still stressful. I couldn’t sleep and popped awake at 6 AM every day, even when I went to bed at four; there were parking issues, the tabulator’s printer died mid-contest and the Boyfriend had to run to Office Depot to replace it, lots of little things. But when you have enough staff, and people are empowered to act on your behalf, things get taken care of. 

A couple of bright spots - I was able to offer my special jitterbug spirit award to a gay couple who danced in one of the contests and won the hearts of the audience, which was a lovely way to honor them and also make a statement about the event’s value system; and amazingly one of my contest videos has gone viral with currently almost 300,000 views. Views of videos from dance events such as this rarely garner more than a couple thousand. Will it mean anything for attendance a whole year from now? Maybe, maybe not. But I feel very confident in our future.

Re-entry has been rough, of course - early mornings and half days with Theo making it tough to get anything done. After three days I have a lot of the post-event work done, including tackling multiple harassing, insulting emails from a crazy woman demanding a refund on her weekend pass because she didn’t feel she should have to pay for parking (good times). 

I don’t feel like I am acclimated back to normal life - I won’t be for some time. Right now I’m just going through the motions: laundry, groceries, school drop offs and pick ups, homework, emails, social media. But all I want in life is to lie in bed and watch trashy TV. And yet I can’t - there’s too much to do, all the time. And so it goes.

In other news - Theo is doing much better at his school, no longer clinging to me at drop offs and slightly less crazy at home. I got a flier for a violin group at Bobby’s school that’s starting up next week - kids with experience have to audition, so I’ve emailed for an appointment. I’m hoping the fun of getting to play with other kids inspires him. Bobby got his first report card (of sorts) and he seems to be doing well. 

So now, it’s about the Time After. In two weeks the kitchen gets torn apart and we don’t get to live normally for two-three months. This is the last of the peace and quiet for a good long while.