Mess Mahs

The final act in the holiday triptych is over. Like many families this year, we passed it all at various stages of illness - Bobby at the tail end, me right in the middle, and Theo just starting. Symptoms included fever, listlessness, aches, fatigue, runny nose, coughing. Bobby missed half his winter camp, Theo had to be retrieved from school early, and countless plans/projects had to be abandoned so I could malinger in bed. 

I did, however, rally just enough on Christmas Eve to create this, baked from scratch: 

The idea had been for the boys to join me in this venture, but the BF took them out to get them out of my hair and kept them out so long I ended up just doing it all myself. Honestly, after feeling like death warmed over while caring for sick, bored kids all week, an afternoon of an absorbing project while listening to true crime podcasts was just what the doctor ordered. 

Christmas was fine - a pleasant day at home with no visiting, traveling, cooking or entertaining. The boys were delighted with all their gifts, even the dumb ones. I’m dreading the day they start being bratty about getting things they don’t want. In anticipation of this, I drafted this list of Christmas Rules: 

The next day we went “sand sledding” at Venice beach. A Southern California tradition I was unaware of, apparently every winter vast sand dunes are created as storm breaks along various beaches, and kids sled down them. I had bought the kids saucers for an upcoming trip to the mountains, so we used those. Honestly, it didn’t work out so hot - we should have brought boogie boards - but it was a gorgeous day and we all had a nice day at the beach. 

Today I went to the funeral of an old dance friend - a woman just a few years older than me with a young son who died of an aneurysm when I was in Italy. She was the ex-girlfriend and dance partner of one of the guys I kicked out of my Hall of Fame a year ago. I had a lot of trepidation going there today - and the guy did not disappoint, making a dig at my event in his eulogy and being pretty foul to everyone who dared approach him (not me - I stayed a mile away at all times). It was just terrible watching her young son touch her casket for the last time. Like all mothers, my biggest fear in life is leaving my sons motherless. I know that I am their whole world, and that they are whole and happy and safe because I am here. It’s a huge weight, existing for the well being of little people. And not one I take lightly.

Winter break

Bobby woke up today complaining of an upset stomach, and I thought “oh boy, here we go...” I gave him a hug, set him in front of the TV with a bucket, and waited. 

Eventually I had to go do the complicated switch over of the loaner car, trade out car seats, get my car back, which took half the day - luckily my sitter had the day free so she came to watch the boys while I did all this. 

We had an odd afternoon of bad TV and applesauce. Bobby never threw up but felt pretty hot (much to my annoyance I couldn’t get either digital thermometer to work properly) so I put him to bed shortly followed by his extremely bored younger brother. Now comes that experience every parent knows - going to bed yourself wondering if you’ll be woken up by screaming, vomiting children, or worse - very ill, feverish children that need to be rushed to an ER. Fingers crossed whatever this thing is will pass. I don’t know if he’ll be well enough to go on his winter camp field trip ice skating tomorrow - I guess we’ll find out in the morning! 

Yesterday I renewed my membership on the donor sibling registry, and signed up for a lifetime membership and added Theo’s information, too. Unfortunately in the years since I first listed Bobby on there there has been no activity except the one I already knew about - a woman who had reached out to me looking for vials for a sibling (I had already turned mine back in to the sperm bank). The birthday of her boy is on there, though - born exactly one day (!) before Bobby’s birthday but two years after (so ten days after Theo). Their location is listed as NY. It’s unlikely we’ll ever have any contact with this phantom brother. Which is too bad. I wish we could all just exchange pictures or something. I’m dying of curiosity to know what all these other kids at least look like (I say “all” because since the donor retired it means he met his maximum births - which I believe is something like 20 families. So there may be a lot of little musical redheads with sacral dimples out there). 

Ciao

Returned from Parma. My first trip to the Motherland (I am Italian tangentially through my Brazilian born father) went well. It was everything I had hoped - cobble stone streets, great food, musical language. I wouldn’t advise visiting Europe in December when you’re not used to cold - we froze our asses off - but hey, free trip. 

One thing strikes me every time I go to Europe (aka The Old Country). As much as I love the history and beauty of the place...I can see how for some people the weight, the responsibility of all that history and culture can be a bit stifling. It must be hard to break away and pave your own way in places like that. I even felt that way in New York - coming out West was a revelation; “nobody knows me here and I can do anything I want!” It’s immensely freeing. 

I returned to a real steam roller of a week. It will all be over by Sunday, but oy. Christmas shows, tons of candy making, tons of work, dropping off the new car for a moon roof installation and driving a quirky loaner, dealing with the aftermath of the house rewiring in which tons of things have to be fixed/tweaked/cleaned up after, all while juggling kids (and today my period), has been not fun. I haven’t even caught my breath. But luckily Bobby is off school after tomorrow, which means a couple of great things - we can all sleep 1-2 more hours each morning, we don’t need to rush around, and no homework. Once the multitudinous gifts have been made and distributed (Bobby’s class and teachers, Theo’s class and teachers, the band members, my friends, movie and book club people, the afterschool program, Theo’s morning school, my babysitter and cleaning lady and violin teacher, etc etc), which they mostly will by the weekend, I can finally breathe. 

It’s funny how things switch. I used to live in dread of time off school - now it’s the opposite, since it means being able to sleep in (kinda). And a five year old being off school is no big deal - Bobby is an absolute delight on his own; I actually look forward to spending time with him. Theo at three is still tough - and we have a LONG three weeks with no morning preschool. But I’m confident if we get up a little later it won’t be so bad. Bobby is at winter camp two, possibly three of the weeks. I look forward to focusing on some house projects and just relaxing after this. Could it be “vacation” actually means vacation once your kids are school aged???

In other news, I flipped the solar switch yesterday. Goodbye, cruel grid!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Meh-Mahs

We did our decorating today. Lights are on the house and a nice noble fir is in the living room. I am also utilizing my first ever fresh wreath, as the red styrofoam holly berry one I’ve used for years is starting to look worse for the wear. 

I feel like a lot was overlooked this year - I’m withholding some decorations because I just can’t deal. It’s a stressful month for me - my electrician is still rewiring; they were supposed to be done tomorrow, but so little is done I can’t imagine that’s going to happen. Which means I just lit and decorated my house with workmen still coming in here and moving all the furniture and tearing the house apart every day. Not advisable, but necessary - if I wait until the weekend I get back from Italy, I’m booked solid that whole weekend, then it’s just a week to Christmas. No, it had to happen today. Which is why I didn’t put everything out. Who knows what dust/damage/disruption is still going to be caused by the workers. I don’t want to take that risk.

There’s a lot going on. I know I’m not alone in this for this time of year, but this year is exceptionally packed. I have two days to do everything and prepare to leave for Italy on Wednesday; I return Monday, then immediately the next morning have to take my car to have a moon roof put in (part of the agreement in buying this car, which has taken some 30+ phonecalls and endless frustration to make happen), then have to hustle to make candy/presents for 50+ kids and tons of teachers and workers and helpers before school lets out for three weeks that Friday. 

Honestly, I’m looking forward to the break. It’ll be great to not have to drag my carcass out of bed early, and really, Bobby is quite a delight to be with one on one. He’s thoughtful and smart and funny. I have him signed up for two weeks of winter camp at his rec center and also his old preschool; the first week may get canceled, and I’m going to leave the second week alone for now because I might just be up to tackling a week of non-stop childcare, especially with Christmas to break it up. Never thought you’d hear me say that, did ya? 

We saw the donor siblings Saturday after a long break (we last saw one of the girls at Bobby’s & Theo’s birthday party in March). We have both told the kids who they are to each other...except Theo of course who’s too young to grasp it. The girls started using the term “brother” over lunch which made all of us prick up our ears for a minute; other than that they played nicely just like friends in a big gang.  It will be interesting to see how these relationships unfold going forward.