Thanksgiving

Well, I survived a full week of non-stop childcare. Bobby’s been off school since last Friday, and Theo only had preschool two afternoons. And yet, it was really ok. I know I sound like a broken record, but boy are things easier when the toddler years are over. No more breastfeeding, diaper changes, or carrying of children. In fact it dawned on me that when we do long outings I should have the boys carry backpacks with their own toys, water bottles and changes of clothes so I can at last be free of the giant, heavy diaper bag full of all of their crap. We’ve already shed strollers and carriers. The giant mom bag would be the last holdover from the baby years. 

Despite putting little thought or planning into it, I managed to put together a nice Thanksgiving dinner for four adults and two children (the children of course refusing to eat anything). Then we had a couple of days of sightseeing with the whole family (sister and brother-in-law and another friend plus the BF and me) thanks to the BF’s new car which seats seven. 

Speaking of which, for the first time ever we have two cars with car seats. This is going to open a whole world of possibilities for us - having my car be the only one that can be used to pick up kids has made for some difficult finagling at times. I feel like we’re one (big) step closer to being a real family.

It’s funny how long this shit takes. I think it’s a result of being older and jaded - it takes forever to trust a person and really let them into your life. This man has lived with us for a year and been in our lives for 2 1/2 and yet I still find myself making contingency plans in case he’s not around some day. And, mind you, I know he’ll never leave me. But I do worry that something will happen to make me leave. What, I don’t know. But I know that I’m the less tolerant one and the one more comfortable with being single. Still, I sense some trepidation on both our parts. However, his being able to participate more in family life by having a suitable car with car seats, and finally getting health insurance, are big steps forward. 

It’s back to school tomorrow, and boy am I not looking forward to getting up early and hustling to school again! But I sure am looking forward to some alone time. The electrician starts rewiring the house Tuesday and I still have to do some modifications to the car, so it’s going to be a chaotic week. Then next Wednesday I leave for Italy for some singing work. Never a dull moment!

The conversation

Well, the cat’s out of the bag. Over French fries and a strawberry shake in the parking lot of an In-N-Out in Commerce, I finally told Bobby his origin story.

I decided to do it now because I didn’t want to put it off any more, and I received an email from the half-sisters’ mom asking if we had told the boys yet and what my thoughts were. So I told him how The Boyfriend is his dad because he loves them and is raising them, but that I made them in my belly with seeds from another man called a donor. I told him lots of other mommies used these seeds, too, and so he has half-brothers and sisters, two of whom he knows (when I showed him pictures he vaguely remembered them). I told him when he turns 18 he can contact the donor if he wants to know about him. This is when B said the most heartbreaking thing. “He said he wants to see me?” And how on earth do you explain to a five-year-old about anonymity and contracts and open identity? I stumbled around trying to explain that this person doesn’t know about him yet and I don’t know him either and and and...it all got pretty convoluted at that point. But it’s done - the word “donor” was used, as was “half-sibling”. He knows about his sisters; he knows there are others, and that he does not have a biological father who lives with us. I honestly don’t think he ever thought about who his father is; he has this man who lives with us who takes him out for fun adventures and wrestles with him and his brother, and that’s all he cares about. 

I decided to stop talking at that point because the more of an issue I made about it, the more I feared he would think it was something to be concerned about. Us choice moms so want our kids to just be normal and feel normal. But this one things makes them not normal. All we can hope is that they learn to embrace it. 

We are planning to meet up with the half-sibs in a couple of weeks. More than likely Bobby won’t even remember they’re his sisters, ha ha!

In other news, solar panels are installed and approved by the city - although it could be anywhere from two weeks to three months before I can switch them on. So far everything in this process has gone much more quickly than anticipated, so let’s hope I get them up and running in time for Christmas lights!

On Saturday after an exhausting day at the dealer, I finally acquired my much lusted-after 2017 Niro Hybrid. I’m delighted to be stepping down from contributing to the gas and electric industries. I’ll be leasing this car until 2020 when hopefully the electric car technology will be so advanced that I can plug in at home every night, for free with the solar panels. 

Here’s my hope for 2020 - happy, healthy kids both in elementary school; a thriving business that’s paid for a new kitchen; a continuing loving relationship; and someone decent in the White House (honestly, I’d take half an onion in a ziplock over Drumpf at this point).

Hallowe’en

The first of the holiday trifecta is in the bag! Halloween was very successful this year, in large part due to the fact that my sister was visiting and made the boys’ super cute spider costumes, and Theo can navigate dark bumpy streets now without constantly falling, and we had three adults wrangling two kids, which to me is a good ratio!

There were two school Halloween parades - Theo’s preschool one, followed by Bobby’s kindergarten one which was a lot more involved than I’d anticipated (it involved the entire elementary school and took hours). Bizarrely, the “Watch me Whip” guys did an impromptu performance - word on the street (ie, my neighborhood moms’ FB group) is that he lives in the neighborhood, saw the Halloween parade starting and asked the PTA guy in charge if he could jump in and do his song. Naturally the kids all lost their shit and few things were funnier than kids in costumes whipping and nae-naeing. 

I didn’t have much of a plan for trick or treating - normally we hook up with other families, but had no invites this year (and honestly it’s kind of hard keeping a large group together). So I drove us to a neighborhood often cited as great for LA trick or treating...but then drove around in circles for ages, unable to find parking, and had to give up. Thankfully I had a backup plan and found a good spot in neighboring Eagle Rock. It worked out great - we all enjoyed it and I had the surreal experience of seeing nearly all parents glued to their phones and radios watching the Dodgers in the World Series - and quite a few houses moved their TVs onto their lawns so passers by could watch. I couldn’t care less for sports but even I got caught up in the drama of it. 

I am still negotiating getting a new car, installing solar and getting the house rewired. I had a rude awakening last weekend when I visited a dealer and discovered they will not, in fact, work with me on my current lease - they want me to take a huge hit for the depreciation and over mileage and don’t seem to care that I want to stay with their brand. I may end up just buying this car, which I find extremely depressing. We’re all being dragged back so much in life right now - I desperately want to move to the future (ie, get a hybrid) because I feel like it’s the only thing I can control. I can at least get myself somewhat off the grid - solar and off (most) gas. I’ll keep trying, though. I may visit another dealer next weekend and see if they can do better for me. Fingers crossed!