When it rains...

Man oh man, what a kerfuffle. So many fucked up things happened this weekend I don't even know where to begin. Here's a list.

One of the guys I kicked out of my Hall of Fame trash talked my event on FB. Not the end of the world, but annoying.

Another huge scandal in our dance world involving an east coast ballroom. It affects me because I know and care about the people involved, and the person being accused of really horrendous stuff is going to be an instructor at my event this year AND inducted into my Hall of Fame, which I had just announced a few days ago. This scandal is all anyone can talk about. I had no idea if I should fire her or not...until thankfully she emailed me this morning asking to not attend. I will lose money on her flight but that's ok. I'm in the process of removing her from all my web materials and replacing her classes. I'm sure some people will judge me for taking her out of the Hall of Fame inductees list, but the rule is I don't award people unless they're present. Still, my event was mentioned a few times in all this mess. Let's just say massive damage control required on my part over things that have nothing to do with me. Awesome.

Then one of the guys I banned calls me on the phone to "tell me his side of the story" of sexual assault allegations so I'll reconsider and let him back into the event. I pretty much yelled at him for twenty minutes that he's been a fucking menace for twenty years and everyone knows it. He tried to pull all sorts of manipulative bullshit with me like "I thought you were a fair person" and "I should be able to face my accusers". No, not when many people have accused you over the years, sorry. I guess all these women lied about Bill Cosby because they're all crazy too, huh? Sure.

Then my estranged mother emails me (I haven't heard from her in about two years) to once again explain how terrible her childhood was and how my sister and I just don't understand what she went through. I took the opportunity to respond with *some* kindness (I do have empathy for her experiences, I really do) but also recounted for her the things she did in 2006 that started this estrangement and how damaging they were and how I don't trust her and have no interest in contact with her. I've been wanting to say this for eleven years, and it felt good.

The boys have both been really difficult the last few days - I found myself shouting "you need to behave better! You're both driving me nuts!" the other night and throwing them in their room; they both have been shitting their pants all week, and had zero understanding that the reason I wouldn't let them have treats was because they need to not shit their pants (I cleaned four sets of shitty underwear today. FOUR) despite my having explained it 800 times. I find myself having to make them repeat things back to me now, and they NEVER know what I said, ever. They do not listen. Why did the children put beans in their ears when the one thing we told them they must never do is put beans in their ears???

Parenting is sucking right now. Every summer they kind of need to disappear so I can work, and yet they never seem to comply with this. 

Still. As I put them to bed I told them I loved them even if they shit their pants. See? Unconditional love, right there. Something I never knew as a kid. So I guess I'm doing something right.

45, 2, and the Kauai Kurse

The good news is, the Kauai Kurse is broken. I had a really lovely trip. Not without some hiccups of course - first day was spent entirely trying to replace the BF's broken iPhone (no Apple or T Mobile stores on the island), and our return flight was repeatedly delayed until we arrived at home twelve hours later than expected. Again, thank god for flexible babysitters!

The BF and I traveled well together, which was a big relief. As much as I was kind of boy friended-out by the end of the trip (really just dying for some alone time which I usually get plenty of), we thankfully had similar travel styles - go with the flow, let's hop some fences and explore, let's push ourselves a little kind of travel. I had to be in charge of planning/booking/arranging everything, but I don't have a problem with that. Hey, that's how you get to do all the shit you want to do, right?

Highlight for both of us was definitely climbing down to Wailua Falls and swimming in it. That was spectacular. On my birthday, Monday, we took an all-day boat tour of the Napali Coast that honestly wasn't all that. Just got banged around on a rough boat ride all day with some sub-par snorkeling. Meh. In retrospect I wish we'd spent the whole day on a beach. But I'm glad I got to do all new things compared to previous trips. 

As mentioned, I turned 45 on Monday.

Since I refuse to share the number 45 with Drumpf, I will be recording my age in months for the next year.

At 45, my mother was marrying for the third time, and had a 25 and 15 year old.

At 45, my grandmother had a 15 and 14 year old, and was divorcing her philandering alcoholic husband.

At 45, I have five and three year olds with an anonymous donor and a live-in boyfriend whom I may never marry. Or might, who knows?

There was some speculation amongst my friends that he may propose to me on this trip - I figured it was pretty unlikely. I'm not really ready for that - I need more time, and he needs to get his shit together a bit more. We may find out we're neither the marrying types, and that's ok. 

We celebrated two years together over a nice dinner, and it was grand.

Right now I've seriously got the blues on return. Hawaii has that effect on people. I had a good sob on the plane coming home when they kept playing sweet Hawaiian music and still feel very emotional. The only positive is since we got so screwed on our return flight, we get two travel credits. Family trip next year!!

Price increase night

Ah, another price increase night. I've done the first half of the day's paperwork and emails; now I'm just taking a break and watching a documentary about Dr Dre until the next wave comes. As of right now I have over 900 people registered, which would have been unthinkable a few years ago. I've been consistently 200 people ahead this year, as I was last year over the previous year. The bank account is swelling, as is the budget. I can't complain.

After staying up past midnight to adjust the web site to the new prices, I'll try to grab a couple hours' sleep and then the BF and I are going to Kauai. 

Let's recap my previous Hawaii trips, shall we?

2010 - I break up with my briefly held boyfriend who may or may not have been a benign sociopath, and head to Kauai by myself for a long weekend. Unfortunately, my beloved aunt Roberta dies during this trip after a long battle with cancer and I spend much of the trip sobbing on various spectacular beaches. A month later I decide to become an SMC. Seven months later I am pregnant.

2014 - I decide to take my two-year-old and four-month-old to Kauai to meet up with another family with similar-aged kids. They pretty much flake the entire trip and leave me alone and sleep deprived on various spectacular beaches with a baby and a toddler, so I cut the trip short and come home several days early.

2016 - I plan a romantic 1 year anniversary trip with my boyfriend. Unfortunately, we "kind of" break up a month before. Luckily I enlist a friend to take his place, and we have a swell time. So...not exactly as planned, but still a fun and memorable trip.

Let's hope this trip actually goes as planned! I am so convinced something will happen to stop it - a car accident, sick babysitter, sick or injured kids, some problem with the flight, something. But it's just a few hours away and no calamity has hit yet. Other than my period. But I can live with that. 

Here's to things actually working out for once!

The 4th

I was concerned about this very patriotic holiday this year. An informal poll I put up on my feminist dancer group on FB revealed very few of my fellow female Americans are "feeling it" this year. I, for one, have been on a tear lately reclaiming patriotism, the flag, and other signs of US pride from the ultra right wing. It's our country, too, dammit.

As I've stated here, I often vacillate between feeling like this is THE END for America in particular and civilized society in general, and feeling like this whole stupid presidency is just a blip, a last gasp of the fat, bloated old rich white guy reactionary bullshit. 

Yesterday I chose to think of it as an unfortunate blip, and celebrate while quietly protesting.

The fam and I went to a fun 4th of July festival in El Segundo by the ocean and then spontaneously camped out on a South Pasadena sidewalk to watch fireworks put on by the local high school (thank you, google). Everyone had a good time.

Also, I went a-protesting over the weekend (Impeachment March) and a photo of my sign made it into the Washington Post. So, that was pretty cool!