Holiday trifecta part 3

For once we had a really nice chill Thanksgiving. The last two years we did big projects - moving furniture to the cabin one year, upgrading the boys’ room the next, and years before that traveling like gangbusters. This time we just drove out to Spaghetti Western without a reservation (nobody ordered the Thanksgiving food, which I thought was hilarious), spent a day in the Mojave National Preserve (one of my favorite places!), plumbed the sink, and then drove home. It was very relaxing and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It made me feel less guilty about not participating in any Thanksgiving traditions anymore - a few years ago I was decided I was done with all that, for many reasons; a) I’m a vegetarian and hate the food, b) problematic in-laws, c) icky colonialism. I do sometimes miss it, and wonder if things might change if my sister moves here. But then I remember if I want to do a big elaborate meal, I can always do that at Christmas, and we’re seeing the whole family over new year’s in Florida anyway.

We took two giant leaps in the desert - one, getting the shower properly set up and using it (the portable dog groomer water heater I bought years ago finally had a dead battery from lack of use and couldn’t be revived, so I bought a new portable water heater that uses D batteries and it worked great) and then getting the kitchen sink plumbed, which happened on the last day so I still squatted on the ground washing dishes in a basin the first two days and never really got to use it, but still. Things are about to get a lot more sophisticated out there, and I love it. Having a working hot shower also means I’ll be more likely to invite friends. 

The kids have two more weeks of school before their break. I’m struggling to figure out gifts for them - Bobby is easy because he always makes a long list (at his age it’s all clothes and electronics - which is great, except we can’t afford the electronics and he really should pick his clothes out himself). Theo has no idea what he wants, so at this point I’m just improvising - I figure he could use a new, better robe than the one I got him last year, and some pajama pants he can wear around the house, and a Lego set (a nice bonsai tree I can display), and we’re looking into used snowboards for both boys to use sand surfing at the Kelso dunes which they seem especially keen about doing (after they got to do it at the pink sand dunes in Utah last year). We’re also going to get a basketball hoop for the desert. As you can imagine, boredom is a huge issue out there so we’re desperate for things for them to do. But, no joke, buying presents for these kids at this age is hard. Unless it’s computers or iPhones they don’t really care. It’s the first year I’m really struggling. 

I’m obsessed with figuring out an off-grid hot tub for us for the desert. It would be amazing to have a nice long soak out there on a cold winter night. I’ve been scouring YouTube videos and Reddit threads, mostly populated by Mormon preppers. Right now it seems the best, cheapest solution would be a galvanized stock tank (well insulated) with copper coiling set up in a chiminea. It would take a lot of maintenance - at least a couple of hours of tending the fire and stirring the water. But if we’re just out there hanging out anyway, why not…? Still a lot more research to do. Every time I think I’ve found the perfect set up, something cheaper and better presents itself. It’s not something I would want to seriously look into until next fall anyway. 

Today we’re going to do Christmas stuff. It always feels a bit late a week into December, but with my schedule shaping up to be night before Thanksgiving gig, then drive out to the desert on Thanksgiving, I’d really rather stay until Sunday night rather than come home a day early just to do lights and a tree. I’ve got my cards out, ordered a photo Christmas ornament, made all the photo books of our trips, ordered some gifts, and started plans for candy making which I’ll do next week. Everything is in order. I’ve also been strangely energized to start purging different parts of the house - I’ve purged all my clothes, gone through cabinets in both bathrooms, cleaned out kitchen drawers. Next I’d like to tackle the hallway closet (full of abandoned board games and vhs tapes), the office (tons of e-waste I need to find an event to dispose at), and a couple of pieces of furniture in the living room that have become the “I don’t know where to put this” depositaries. It’s amazing how fast a small house fills up with crap when four people live in it. I’m in a ruthless mood, though - everything must go - which is the right mood for this project. I’m seeing the writing on the wall - these kids are growing up - so it’s time to get rid of the baby spoons and carriers and car seat travel bags and boosters. On to the next phase. 

Photo dump

Our family photos are here!

No! vember

We’re gearing up for a big rain here, and I’m proud of myself that I remembered to turn off the sprinklers and put anything inside that needs to be. We’re supposed to head to the desert, but it’s going to rain all day Saturday. Which means everyone will be bored, and/or we might get stuck in the sand. We may have to reconsider that plan.

For now, I’m doing what I always do at this time of year, which is a) update my look (soft goth), b) take care of things that have been annoying me around the house (little repairs & upgrades & purges), c) plot out next year’s trips (road trip to CO in the summer, possible Hawaii in December), and d) generally take care of shit that my brain is too full of the rest of the year to deal with.

Updating my will has been a big part of this - since I first set up my will after Bobby was born, so much has happened; Theo was born, I got married, I bought the desert property. It’s been woefully ignored all these years (I did update my life insurance to add Theo as a beneficiary, but that’s it). I finally got off my ass a couple of weeks ago to dig out all my paperwork from 2012, and discovered much to my horror that I inexplicably never actually finished the process. I never had anything signed, never funded the trust, never had anything notarized. So basically I paid legal zoom $500 for a pile of worthless paper. I was horrified. I’m usually so good at paperwork - what the hell happened there? The only thing I can think is I had a new baby and just couldn’t deal. Fair enough. The good news is, so far I’ve survived, so I haven’t needed the useless pile of paperwork. I did some investigating and even though I’d sort of like to just completely start over with an actual lawyer, I don’t really want to spend the several thousand dollars that would take, especially when I basically have everything in place; I just need to make some adjustments. So I found on the legal zoom site that I could in fact do some revisions there for cheap. However, adding the desert property, which has no address, caused all kinds of confusion and phone calls and chat sessions and delays until I finally got the updated paperwork today. I still have a long road ahead - I need to find two witnesses to watch me sign things, I need to have some things notarized, and I need to work with title companies to move the properties into the trust. It’s a lot of work. But if I want to make sure these kids are secure and don’t have to fight through probate if I drop dead tomorrow, I have to get all this done and quickly. Again pretty horrified that I so badly dropped the ball on this, but I’ll give myself the grace that most people in their 40s and 50s aren’t thinking about wills and health care directives; at least I’m ahead of your average person in this regard. And I’ll get it done and won’t have to think about it again, hopefully.

I got a call from a realtor in the desert who I happen to know somewhat because he used to come to my event, telling me the guy who owns the 5 acre plot just south of ours is looking to sell. I was stoked. The idea of snapping up surrounding plots to ours thrills me to no end; I made a lowball offer. But I think he may have just been feeling out what he could get because it’s been a few days and I haven’t heard anything (it wasn’t an official offer). Right now these plots are selling for pennies, so he may decide to hang onto it unless he’s desperate for cash. I hope he negotiates, but I may just never hear from him again, we’ll see. 

I’ve been spending countless hours compiling all of our trip photos for the last five years into little photo books via google photos - I feel like we’ve done so many cool things since 2020 and I’m starting to forget them all. We all take so many photos these days but they all just stay in our phones, forgotten, unlike the days when it was a holiday ritual to look over family photo albums year after year. So I’m in the middle of that process, which is practically a part time job and will probably cost several hundred dollars by the time I’m done. But I feel like it’s necessary. Eventually I’ll go earlier than 2020 and do baby books for the boys and maybe one for my sister with all her visits over the years. I know these are books I’ll actually enjoy looking at. They’re very plain and limited in their design capabilities, but considering the fact that I have to get about 25 of them done in just a couple of weeks (I’m planning on them being a family Christmas present), I don’t have the time or energy to muck about. 

Halloween in the scariest year yet

Halloween went off well in our usual favorite trick or treat spot. For once, both kids got equal attention for their efforts - Theo delighted the little kids with his inflatable video game character, and millennials and below loved Bobby’s Napoleon Dynamite. I’m so glad he wanted to be that character. He doesn’t seem to have an issue with his  (still) flaming red hair - especially at a school that’s majority Latino/Asian, so he stands out. It shows how society has still progressed despite the current relentless regression; I once spoke to a woman in her nineties who said how when she was a kid you’d be bullied for having red hair or freckles or being tall or short; not to say those things don’t still happen, but I’d like to believe it’s getting better. 

So phase one of the holiday trifecta is in the books - I de-decorated the house yesterday and packed the costumes away (I re-purposed the Cruella DeVile costume I wore at my event), last night the time changed; it’s time to settle in to fall and the gradual darkening. In the meantime, everything is pretty chaotic and frightening - yesterday, SNAP benefits expired, and nobody knows if the orange turd is going to follow judge’s orders to re-fund them; the government remains shut down (I think we’re easily going to break the shut down length record, which happens on Tuesday); a good portion of the White House was illegally destroyed and there’s nothing anybody can do about it; and - and this directly affects us - healthcare premiums are about to go through the roof, so although I think me and the kids will be sort of ok, getting the H coverage after a year of no healthcare may now be impossible. Thanks, Republicans! 

But in better news, there are major, consequential elections happening the day after tomorrow, and I’m excited to watch. California should pass Prop 50 fairly easily, and Mamdani is set to be elected mayor of NYC. I sure hope he doesn’t turn out to be a disappointment. So, as per usual, despite all the current horrors and abuses, there may be some wins this week. Oh, and the Dodgers won the World Series (again) last night. So, there’s that. 

Three weeks until Thanksgiving, then three weeks until winter break. The kids are doing just fine. I’m still convinced Theo isn’t learning anything at school, so I’m interested to see how his parent-teacher conference goes, whenever that is. Should be this month. Part of me wants to raise hell about it - have him moved to another class, demand his teacher step it up and stop giving the kids entire days off of doing any schoolwork - but then I think, eh, it’s just sixth grade, who cares, and also, I could be totally wrong about all of this. Theo may not be the most reliable narrator on what goes on in his classroom. So we’ll see what it’s like when I meet his teacher. I’ll definitely ask if he’s getting any different treatment as one in a “gifted cluster” (my guess is no). Again I wonder if things would be different if he’d stayed at his old school, or if this is just the state of public education (I was in a very demanding private school from 5th-8th grade, so it’s hard to compare). I’ve been asking myself lately, if he gets in to Bobby’s school (which he should), should he sign up for all advanced classes out of the gate the way Bobby did? Or just stick with easy stuff so as not to overwhelm him? It’s a really tough call. Thankfully that’s a problem for another time. Once again, the determination that Theo got as “gifted” but not “highly gifted” like Bobby, means a lot of doors are closed for him, despite being a bright and studious kid. And like all kids, he can only rise to the level he’s presented. 

And then I think, does any of this even matter, in a world where AI will shortly take over all jobs and nobody under 50 will ever be able to afford housing or a family? These are the questions we have to ask ourselves in 2025. What future do these kids have? Will something step in and save us from this craven, willful self-destruction? The next year will definitely have some answers. 

Meeting the girlfriend

Last night Bobby went to his school’s homecoming dance. All of us were at a loss for the nuances and etiquette of the thing - does he get his date a corsage? Do we pick her up? Do we all go to the door and meet her parents? How is he supposed to dress? 

Thankfully the outfit I bought him at Ross - dress shoes, black pants and black shirt - were entirely appropriate, and everything went well, and a corsage would have been over the top. She is, of course, adorable - when we pulled up, she was taking pictures on the street with her family, and the mom and sister came over to say hello. Obviously I won’t post her picture here, but she’s so cute! 

He said he was nervous as we were driving up, but he ended up staying the entire four hours and said he had a really good time. The H and I went to see Poltergeist (yet another movie that hits differently when you have kids) leaving Theo on his own at home, and everything worked out. 

It’s very odd to be at this phase of life. Having been a hyper-vigilant mother - every pen, marker, sharp thing put away, never letting them out of my sight for a second when they were little - now is the time when they aren’t so controllable. They are going to be at events without us. Out at night, not under our supervision. Forming bonds with people who are strangers to us. I’m sure this is far scarier for the girl’s family - can you imagine?? These strange people drive up and whisk your thirteen-year-old girl away in their car. Good lord! 

I definitely would never have pictured that being a “boyfriend” would be part of Bobby’s eighth grade experience. It’s 100% only because she approached him - who knows how long it would have taken him to ask a girl out - but it’s still an important milestone in his maturing. I for one am glad he has girls in his life (and non-white girls at that)  - I worry so much about these boys being red-pilled online. He started earlier than me - my first boyfriend wasn’t until the end of my freshman year in high school, although I was interested in boys since kindergarten. 

Today I’m taking the boys to see ET and that’s pretty much our only plan for the day. I just love these relaxed weekends. We would have been in the desert had it not been for the homecoming dance and concert Friday night. 

We went to Theo’s school Halloween carnival Friday, but it was a bit of a mess. I brought Theo’s inflatable costume and batteries, but it turned out you need a screwdriver to put the batteries in, and there was no time to drive home and get one. He was super bummed. We tried everything to get those screws out - after probably an hour we finally just broke the cover off, which worked. Then he ran around and had fun, thankfully, but Bobby didn’t want to walk around or get any food, and neither of them wanted to go into the haunted house or do any of the activities even though I bought tickets. I guess that’s how these things come to a close - not with a bang but a whimper. 

Here’s Bobby as we’re driving to the dance. 

Metaphors and Kings

We didn’t end up taking Bobby to the No Kings protest on Sat - I was too concerned about leaving Theo alone - but as we all now know, the day went by without incident, was fun and joyful, and we totally could have taken both of them. I keep saying “next time” I’ll start taking the kids, but it seems every time a new big protest rolls around there’s increased threats of violence, so who knows.

I was on a high from the great day when - jump scare - late that night one of the H’s old friends who I am no longer connected to on FB but regrettably saw my post of me dressed in a chicken costume (solidarity with the Portland frogs) due to still being “friends” with the H who was tagged, took it upon himself to comment that I looked “hideous and retarded”. This after his wife at the same time made a couple of snarky right wing meme posts about how if he really were a king these protests wouldn’t be allowed, blah blah. Now keep in mind, although we haven’t seen these people in ten years, I did meet them when the H and I first started dating; we went to their house for dinner because they were basically like family to him (they were family of his first wife who took him in and would have him over pretty much every weekend). We invited them to the wedding just three years ago - they couldn’t come, but I genuinely believe would have if they could. To go from that - pretty much being family - to calling me “hideous and retarded”, I found unbelievably cruel and out of line. What I wanted was for the H to let them have it - but in the shock and confusion of it all (FB changed how you reply to comments so it took me forever to figure out how to delete comments) I ended up deleting the comments before he could respond, and then blocked them both from both of our accounts. I realize I’m a light weight when it comes to this stuff because I have no MAGA friends or family and have insulated myself to where I pretty much never have to deal with those fucking people either online or in person, but this was really shocking and upsetting to me. I’m still not over it, truth be told. The sadism and cruelty this fucking piece of shit in the White House has enabled in our fellow citizens is really horrific. 

Breathe, breathe.

In some good news, after a failed Halloween shopping trip with the H over the weekend, I took the boys to Spirit yesterday and Theo got yet another video game-related inflatable costume, and much to my delight, Bobby agreed to be Napoleon Dynamite. How perfect is that?? Now I’m starting to get excited for the holiday. We all re-watched the movie last night for character study.

I went to Bobby’s student-lead conferences last week, and I have to say, (luckily) it was a bit of a waste of time. Everyone just said Bobby was doing great (yay). What I really wanted was to know what each teacher has planned for the year, but I guess that only happens at Back to School night, which I always miss because it’s always the first night of my event. I’m always a bit taken aback when I see how dirty and disorganized both kids’ schools are - the buildings are in terrible disrepair and strewn with trash. But hey - public schools in a big city. I’m sure mine were no different, I just don’t remember. 

In the background of our pleasant daily lives is all sorts of chaos - the shocking optics of the destruction of the east wing of the White House yesterday, the ceasefire in Gaza falling apart, the corruption and lawsuits, the government shutdown that may never end. It directly impacts us because all year I’ve been waiting for open enrollment to get the H on my healthcare plan, and that may not be possible now. He may not be able to have any health insurance at all, with rates skyrocketing. I’m not really sure what we’re going to do. If Newsom wants to be president badly enough he would find a way to get universal healthcare for California. Boy would that be great!

Murals and musings

Our mural is complete - the artist worked on it over the weekend and then a couple of days this week, weather permitting. I think it lends a nice air of whimsy to this place, now that we’ve transitioned from trying to hide (which doesn’t work, anyway - everyone knows we’re there). Once again I found myself crunching numbers to see how much it would cost to live out there, just for my own entertainment. Almost nothing, as it turns out - if I didn’t have this house to maintain, my basic expenses would run about $1000, just for me. It’s very tempting to sell this place and just exile myself out there and live off the proceeds and never do a day of work again. But, I have two kids that need to go to school, and I’m not really up for an exile in the desert, not yet. But I have to admit it’s nice to know that’s an option. 

Bobby announced he’s going to his school’s homecoming with his girlfriend and needed an outfit, so I tortured myself with a visit to the brand new chaotic Ross in our neighborhood. I got him some cheap clothes, including black pants, a black button up shirt, and dress shoes. When we got home we did a cull of his current clothes, and unfortunately all the men’s small band shirts I bought him no longer fit. But the good news is I can wear them, and also this gives lots of Christmas present ideas. At least he still wants to wear band shirts.

It’s funny to think that you need to be taught how to shop - he has no concept of how to find his way around a store, how to find his size, how to pick things he likes, how to try something on and determine if it works or not. He just sort of looks at me helplessly. And I’m no help because I positively loathe shopping, especially of not vintage things, and especially in places like that. With that said, I plan on hitting up Jet Rag, my favorite vintage clothing store, tomorrow to look for items for my fall Dark Academia look. I’m mostly looking for 70s velvet blazers, metallic belts, and maybe a mesh necktie necklace. I’m trying to evolve my look from cottagecore to soft goth, and trying to do it cheaply. We’ll see how it goes. 

I asked Bobby if he wants to join the protest Saturday, something I’ve never done before. He said he would. My only concern is leaving Theo alone, especially if something were to “happen”. So I’m not 100% sure I want Bobby going only because we need a free babysitter. But I also want him to start getting involved with this stuff - he’s old enough, and I give the boys daily updates on the political goings-on when we drive to and from school, so they’re both very aware of the fuckery going on.

Halloween has so far been very low key this year. Neither kid has any idea what they want to be, and they don’t seem to really care. The H will take them shopping maybe this weekend - my request, since he likes doing it, and, as previously stated, I hate shopping - hopefully they’ll come up with something they like. For me, I was burned out on Halloween by 11 or 12, so I can see how these kids just don’t have the enthusiasm they used to. They still seem to want to go trick or treating, though - although it’s funny to think that our years of doing that with the kids are numbered, too - two, maybe three years from now, they’ll be over it. Time is moving so fast these days. I often think of how huge Kid’s Klub, their babysitter and preschool, was in our lives for several years - and then, one day, poof! We just never went there again, and never will. Next Friday is the Halloween carnival at Theo’s school, and that, too, will probably be the last one we’ll ever go to, since the jr/sr high doesn’t have stuff like that. In June Theo graduates, and the days of driving up Eagle Rock Blvd to and from school every day are gone forever. I’m going to have to figure out a whole new drop off/pick up routine, and it probably won’t involve the library anymore unless I’m out of town. And that’ll be our routine for six more years. And then - all of this is over. It’s mind boggling, really, how fast it all goes.