Monday, June 29, 2015

Like a rolling stone

You see this face? This is the face of a woman who is right in the middle of an angry text war with a man she was seeing who was scolding her like a child and accusing her of being insecure, who is made to stop and take pictures. You'd never know it, would you?

I hate, hate, hate that I came across as a needy psycho. But I did. If the situation were reversed and a man I was seeing but hadn't talked to in a couple of days sent me that text, I would have thought he was a psycho and called it off, too.

Saturday was pretty miserable. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut all day. But thanks to my sister and a couple of helpful friends who talked me down off the ledge, I survived. And realized it was for the best. By the next day I was laughing about it and even struggling to remember his name.

See? We Cancers love hard and completely and can be needy and clingy, but also are fickle as hell and will turn on you in an instant. Grown-Ass who...?

One interesting side note. I had my Smc meeting yesterday and of course told the ladies this of them told me she was dating this guilt-ridden divorced dad with twin daughters who would make calls to them during their dates, talked non-stop about them, and even canceled a date once because a pet hamster died. Now this may sound charming to some, but...based on my own experience as the only daughter of a guilt-ridden, obsessed divorced dad, I see it a little differently. I believe there are men out there who take on this maudlin, over-romanticized view of their children (especially daughters), and use it as an excuse to avoid intimacy with grown women. My father was over-the-top in his melodramatic love for me...when it suited him. But then he never paid a dime in child support, would disappear for years on end and then pop up whenever he pleased, and would never give me a straight answer about anything. Can you see why a man ignoring my texts for days is kind of a huge trigger for me??? Anyway. I'm not saying at all that all divorced dads are like this; far from it. But I'm saying it's something to be on the lookout for. 

Isn't it great to be an Smc without all that divorce baggage? So far every man I've told my situation has been positively thrilled there's no other man they have to contend with. It's been a huge selling point.

So I met a new guy yesterday. He was very nice but not for me. He was little and nervous and totally lacking in self-confidence. I think he felt I was out of his league, and he was right. Next!!!

When I got home I started working the apps again. Got in a nice chat session with a really cool guy who I may meet tonight, or if not, Thursday. I googled him (once again, once you get a person's phone number you can find out just about anything) and he's pretty great - a leader in his field (3D animation), and well-liked by his peers (Facebook told me we have a mutual friend - I texted her and she said he was awesome), from the east coast (with cute Jersey accent to boot, according to various interviews of him on YouTube), divorced dad, and 41 (I feel like I'm robbing the cradle).

So, unlike GAM, this man may not have seen The Bitter Tears of Petra Van Kant. I guess I'll have to live with that.

He was very excited about meeting me, so we'll see. Either we'll meet and there will be fireworks or he will disappear into the ether like so many others. If so...I've got two other dates this week, so screw it.


  1. I LOVE that you are so honest. Like where you said that you hate how you came across. I would be too ashamed to admit it. I'm so happy you put it out there.

    And no, it doesn't make me think you are psycho or lame, quite the opposite.

  2. You rock for keeping at this dating thing!! I would have given up LONG ago! Good luck with Animation guy, sounds promising!