Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Bad vibes? Bring it!!!

I have this thing where when more than one weird/awkward/trigger-type thing happens, I just chalk it up to it being a bad vibes kind of day, which helps me deal with the feelings. The last twenty-four hours have been full of bad vibes. Last night I was kind of freaked out about it, but today I just say, bring it!!! Your bad vibes can't bring me down.

So yesterday had weird mother issues despite having a nice time at my friend's house. Unfortunately on my way home all hell broke loose - I checked my email and the German couple I work for, who said they wanted to close business last December but then kept changing their minds, caught wind of the fact that I have not been managing their affairs for a couple of months, freaked out, and are implying I owe them $600 in late fees and other penalties, some kind of my fault, others not. It's extremely complex so I won't go into it here, but suffice it to say I spent the entire night trading angry, accusatory emails with them, finally culminating in my having to cry out I just had a baby, give me a fucking break! It was very unpleasant and I was a ball of anxiety all night - but I decided to take responsibility for having dropped the ball during the time T was born (can you blame me???) and spent all day today working on dissolving their corporation which is what they want. It's going to be a ton of work for me, but I have to do it - I am the president of their corporation so leaving this stuff hanging only means more misery for me in the future. To get all their crap shipped back to them, freeing up a ton of space in my office, and wash my hands of this once and for all, would be wonderful. So I am going to resolve to leave my personal feelings out of it and just fix it.

Then this morning my sister told me she got wind of the fact that due to rising costs of living in Rio in anticipation of the World Cup, my mother is planning on moving to Florida. So...there's that.

Then I tried to set up B's overdue two year checkup...only to discover the medical group I was assigned for B is an HIV/AIDS clinic and the doctor isn't even a pediatrician. Huh? So I spent about two hours on hold and then finally in discussion with someone at Health Net to find an actual pediatrician - she wanted me to research the names and call back, but considering the fact this had been probably the tenth attempt at calling and never getting a live person ever, I kept telling her to not hang up on me until we got this resolved. So with a screaming baby in the back seat the whole time I managed to pick some random nearby pediatrician and make an appointment. Done and done!

Then we went to my favorite park for a nice relaxing afternoon, but a really unpleasant incident happened. The park was empty because it was so hot and dry. B was bored stiff. But then this brother/sister combo came in and started playing with him...kind of. The girl said to someone she was six and the boy was probably four or five. They were running away from B and kind of shunning him - but he just chased them and thought it was great, so I didn't mind. And then there were times they and other kids all played nicely together - at one point the girl pushed B and he started crying and she hugged him and said she was sorry, so I thought they were ok. But I just had a bad feeling about those kids. I had this phrase in my head, "I don't like the way they're playing with him." But poor B had been trapped in the car all day while I made that stupid endless phone call, it was way too early to go home, I had nothing else for us to do, and B was happy and playing, so I thought, what's the harm? Well, when it was time to leave, the girl shouted out as we were walking past, "Finally that guy is leaving, yay!!!" And the brother parroted, "Yay, finally!" I stopped, gave her the meanest look I could muster, and shouted back, "you know what? That wasn't very nice!" I could tell by the looks on their faces that they were chastened. But man, I wanted to throttle that little bitch. Where were the parents, you ask? Nowhere to be found, of course! Thankfully B was utterly oblivious and happy and thought they were his friends. Ignorance is bliss. But I've spent the whole night seething. The next time I get that feeling that I just don't like something about the way another kid or kids is interacting with my kid, that's it, we're doing something else, even if B has a fit and doesn't understand why we're leaving. I would do this if I felt weird about an adult, why not when I feel weird about a kid?

Anyway, so the bad vibes are just piling on around here. I say mother-fucking bring it. I've got a nice little family and we're a unit and we love each other and none of this shit can touch us. The end. 


  1. I love your blog and I'm a regular follower and fellow single mom by choice out in NJ. TRUST your instincts. I would have felt the same way you did with those little antagonizing whippersnappers! Love to you, B and little T.

  2. You're doing great just plowing through the crap, but it's no fun, I understand! I've had a work issue like yours with the German couple - an unfinished project from my old (2 jobs ago) job. Not entirely my fault as the client (a federal agency) was 11 months late delivering data to me to analyze, and by that time the project was essentially done (and all my funding was spent). So I had to do about 2 months worth of work for free, in my "spare" time. Which I found none of for the past 8-12 months. It all came to an ugly head a couple months ago with the agency making threats about "repurcussions." Like you I was thinking, "shit, give me a break, YOU were late with data, I've been dealing with a flood, breast surgery, a million health tests for my kid, job woes!" But also like you I decided to just get it done and spent the past few weeks working for free and now it is DONE. Huge relief - I'm sure you'll feel it too. Kudos to you for plowing through, keep going!

  3. Love your attitude about it all!