Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Keeping it together...kinda

Here we march on towards Christmas. Some of us aren't feeling much Christmas spirit. I am refusing to let The Orange Menace rob me of even this - but I have to admit that underneath my "in this moment, everything is still ok," zen-ness is the unpleasant reality that a) we're very likely on the cusp of a horrible time in world history, and b) as always, things are far from ok for most people in the world, at this moment or any other moment. 

You know it's bad when you hear news of another celebrity biting the dust and you can't help but think, "boy, they got out right in time," and find yourself feeling ever so slightly jealous. Can I just tell you how glad I am that my ultra-liberal and vocally political grandmother and aunt did not live to see this shit show???

But back to me and the kids. We were in quite a difficult behavior cycle until a couple of days ago when things seemed to settle down. I've come to believe behavior must be cyclical with little kids - it seems like we have a few weeks of the kids being pretty chill and well-behaved followed by a few of them pushing me to the brink of sanity. This weekend was THE WORST, kicked off by Bobby throwing a huge fit at the hairdressers because Theo got the fire truck chair he wanted (ughhh) and me responding by turning into a scary, screaming lunatic in public. I'm not entirely sure I can show my face there again after that display. I was shaken and depressed the entire rest of the weekend and am still recovering. Bobby, other than being bummed he gets no treats for a week, does not seem to care one whit. Which is both good and bad. For me, I am desperately trying to forgive myself for totally losing it and am giving myself as much time off as possible (i.e. using The Baby Kennel). 

I felt kind of crappy about dropping them there the occasional weekend day for no other reason than my needing a mental health break - until I saw some friends' kids' names on the register Saturday and the lady behind the counter commented they were there every Saturday and Sunday, and the parents work all week, too. So I'm not the only one! 

I will have them there Sat while I see a movie with a friend, and then Sunday a sitter while I go to another protest, this one for workers' rights. Then the marathon of two holiday weekends in a row with no childcare and school closed. God help me. And indeed, us all.


1 comment:

  1. As usual you voiced exactly what I've been thinking and feeling. Right down to "in this moment nothing bad is happening to me," the mantra I've been using to get through the days. I'm very worried about the future. And like you I've felt a sense of relief thinking of loved ones who didn't live to see this - they would have been devastated. Hang in there and hope the workers' rights rally is good.