Tuesday, December 9, 2014

In dreams

I must be getting better sleep these days because I am dreaming a lot. Last night I had a vivid dream in which I was wishing I had just married and had kids with my last boyfriend and how much easier (and cheaper) my life would be. I woke up full of regret and longing, still brushing the cobwebs of the dream out of my brain.

Then as I took a shower and started to wake up I really contemplated life with that man and ended up laughing and shaking my head in disbelief. Easier? Not really. Not when I would have to balance a relationship and a toddler and a baby. I thought about having to cook for, clean up after, and maintain the daily life of an adult and two children. I thought about how resentful I would be, how much I would hate sharing children 50/50 with someone else. How tired I would be and how he could never do enough to make me happy. 

Cheaper? Not with his perpetual unemployment. Sure, I would save on babysitters. But I would be stuck paying his iPhone bill, car note, health and car insurance, plus groceries, utilities and countless other expenses. Talk about resentment!

And worst of all - I would be obligated to have sex with this person-! Ewwwww!

So yeah, I disagree with Freud's assertion that "dreams are wishes". No matter how imperfect our lives are right now, I really wouldn't have it any other way.

1 comment:

  1. Freud was way off on a few things!! I agree about balancing motherhood & a relationship, I don't know how couples do it!! Yeah for good sleep tho!!