Friday, September 5, 2014

Today wasn't my day

Lots of bad vibes today. Just trying to shake it off. It culminated in leaving Theo screaming in his crib for a half hour while I fed B dinner, subsequently throwing said dinner down the sink because B was too wound up/distracted to eat and kept demanding yogurt (which he'd already had for breakfast), then plunking both kids in bed a half hour early because I was utterly fed up. It was that kind of day.

We went to the park for a play date and B behaved horribly. Again with the pushing littler kids when they approached him when he's got some coveted toy (never his, I might point out), and he full on ran right into the street for the first time ever and could have gotten killed. The cars were honking. It was frightening and horrifying. This could have been the worst day of my life. Now I can no longer trust him to wander a little. I'm going to have to be right on top of him from now on. 

He tantrummed all day until I gave up and hauled him kicking and screaming to the car. Wanted to slap him so badly but thankfully did not. I know he's tired and fed up and discombobulated from the weekend, I get it. The problem is, so am I. I have zero patience and am hating every minute of this full time mom crap. I need a fucking vacation. 

The old floor guy has not returned my calls for two days. Oh great. I'm sitting by my phone like a school girl.

Then tonight I foolishly decided to do the complicated math to try and figure out how I did financially over the weekend - sadly, the news is not good. It's horrible, actually. I factored in all the payments I still owe, my outstanding credit cad debt, all the uncashed checks (most of them are not cashed yet), and yes, despite having celebrated that I was up in the money department going into the event, somehow I came out broke again. How is this possible? Well, things are expensive, that's how. And when you hardly sell any merchandise or tickets because everyone buys them in advance now, well, you don't make anywhere near the money you used to during the actual event. 

Thank god there is relief in the form of raised prices come February. Unless that plan backfires and a ton of people don't show up because of the price hike. Then what?

Well, it's going to be another hell of a tight year. Right now I have just enough money to get by if I don't pay my property taxes or sales tax. Ugh. 

Nobody ever said you could do what you love and make a decent living off it, did they? 


  1. Ugh, the money thing sucks. And I know how hard those types of days can be... except x2 for you, because I only have one toddler right now! I was so glad yesterday when bedtime rolled around, just counting down the minutes. I also have a wanderer/runner, so if I had another child she would undoubtedly be on a leash. I do, in fact, have a toddler leash and would not hesitate to use it if I needed it. Fortunately, for now, I keep her restrained in a stroller in situations where I am distracted, but with another baby it would definitely be used more often!

  2. I'm sorry-- it does sound like a really awful day. I hope today was much better.

  3. Oh man. Well, reading your post at least makes me feel better about my crazy kids. You are right about the tradeoff with work. I took my new job in a place I do not want to live simply to have more secure and stable income rather than freelancing or trying to build a non-profiit which I had been dreaming about-- but at a cost of leaving my home, my friends, and the lovely life we had in Boise (at least for the present). It just shouldn't be this hard! Hang in there, I hope the money situation turns out a bit better than it looks now.

  4. Sounds like a rough day. I was hoping for you to have a better result from your event. I guess just because it's a success with people enjoying it & good buzz on social media doesn't translate into success in revenue. It must be supper disappointing after so much energy you put out for it. Hopefully the price hike will be well received & you can see a more comfortable profit next year.

  5. Ugh, what a day. I'm sorry. I hope the weekend has been better.

    And what's up with toddlers refusing to eat a real meal but yet demanding yogurt?! Mine does the same thing!

  6. Evelyn is also a wanderer and has ALSO roamed into a street. I used to be so judgy of moms who used those leash things, but now I get it!