Sunday, August 17, 2014

Experience vs. Attention

So yesterday we had the odd and frustrating experience of driving around in nearly 100 degree heat in Pasadena looking for this birthday party...and never finding it. This was the one we were invited to by one of Bobby's schoolmates. I am flummoxed as to what could have happened - I went to the right address and the right park, but the park was completely empty. I emailed the host and she said we must have been in the wrong area and she was sorry we missed it. Bizarre! It made me so grateful that B is still at an age where he kind of doesn't know what's going on. Although he'd been chanting "party party party" in the car he didn't seem to care when said party never materialized. Especially when I busted out the other kid's present and gave it to him instead. I still wonder how long I'm going to get away with eating donuts and ice cream in the car and not giving him any.

The language amazingness continues. Yesterday in the bathtub he was saying his ABCs and counting to ten. He is also just a bit starting to grasp that he should call me mommy, and he's getting the hang of please, thank you, and bless you. Hearing the baby sneeze and B say "bless you!" just melts my heart.

I went out dancing last night, mainly to judge a contest, and actually had a good time and got to dance a bit thanks to other people of my dance generation also being there to judge. It's rare I get to see any of those people. And for the first time in ages I didn't feel like I was dancing like crap. I think wearing comfortable flat shoes helped. God I hope I get to dance at my own event!

Lately as many of my friends in real life and also online contemplate having a second child, I find myself trying to be a cheerleader for the idea - go for it! It's not as hard as they say! You'll never regret it! One of the many concerns is that your attention will be divided and you'll somehow be depriving one or both kids of attention/resources/love etc. But I see it as a trade off. Your first child gets your undivided attention, but your second child gets your experience. Yes, I don't spend hours playing with Theo. He doesn't come out to events with me, spends a lot of time in the car or another holding device, and in general doesn't get the same level of round-the-clock care his brother did. But he gets me at my best - fully present, joyful, not traumatized by a bad birth experience, relaxed and in control. I feel like all things considered I was pretty on top of things with B, but with your first every day is a new experience - right now I feel confident caring for anyone from birth until two and a half; I get those ages, I speak their language. Anyone older? Forget it. So with Theo, even with him of course not going to be exactly like his brother, I know what to expect. And I have gear/systems in place to handle the next phases - sitting, standing, crawling, everything in the mouth, climbing out of the crib, etc etc. I worry a lot about when/how to move Theo into B's room, and how that'll go over. Well, B was about 18 months when we made that shift so I figure I have a long time to figure it out. Maybe if I make a big deal about getting bunk beds Bobby will be more excited about sharing a room with little brother. I hope like everything else about their relationship so far that the experience will turn out to be a positive one.


  1. I agree about the second child. The bond between my two is so strong that it covers for some (not all) of the lack of time, hands, and money on my part.

  2. See, I had a ton of experience with young children, and my first was also pretty easy, so I'm VERY worried that having two will be much, much harder than I expected.

    But it's good to hear that it's easier for you, and I do think that's very common, so maybe I will be lucky!