Monday, September 23, 2013

Signing off

Today I did The Thing that I've thought about for ages, and that gave me quite a bit of unrest. I got the bill for the next three months of sperm storage and instead of writing out a check, ticked the box that says I no longer wish to store these vials and instead am releasing them back to the facility. I tried to take a picture of this, but it didn't come out looking like anything, so no memorial of this moment!

My dream was to be able to sign off on the remaining vial(s) while having a healthy pregnancy under my belt, and I have achieved this dream. And that's something to sit with for a minute, right there. I could have given them up after coming to the conclusion that one child was best for me. I could have given them up, heartbroken, after a loss, thinking I wouldn't want to try again. I could have had to make this decision months ago when the pregnancy was so new anything could have happened. But no. I get to sign off happily and with no reservations, with a solid pregnancy. Naturally the old fatalist in me thinks, "now this is when something will go wrong," but I'm going to chase those thoughts away, because whether something goes wrong now or not, it certainly won't be because I signed my name to a piece of paper today. 

In other news, we're having sleep problems and food problems. It may be related to MY general laziness and crappy post-event schedule, but B rarely wants to eat lunch; I can't seem to find anything he doesn't want to just play with. Dinners have been hard, too...until tonight, when I made him his favorite curry which he gobbled up. He's woken about three nights since the event crying hysterically; I tried to pull him into my bed last night but he almost took a header off the side so I put him back in the pack-n-play, which resulted in more crying, but just for a couple of minutes. I think if this happens again I'll try to just comfort him while keeping him in the p-n-p; it's safer. He is cutting lots of teeth all at once right now so he's probably pretty uncomfortable, poor thing.

I had my handyman over for an estimate on building a room for B; it came in right where I thought. It could take up to three weeks(!) which doesn't thrill me, but again reminds me why I must do this now rather than wait until a) I'm bigger and feel like crap, or b) have a screaming newborn. As much as I'd love to wait I feel like I must do this now. It really is the only good time, and B definitely has to have his own room at some point. Honestly the thought of not having him at arm's length gives me tremendous anxiety - the very idea of him sleeping in an entirely different room! It's going to be an adjustment for both of us. But it's an important rite of passage so I need to just bite the bullet and do it. It will be the best thing, in the long run. 

Appointment tomorrow, plus second blood draw for the NT scan. It's been twelve days since the first draw; they said if there were any concerns I would have heard within eight to ten business days. Could it be I've survived the next of the hurdles - the genetic testing? Next up - third trimester, and all the fun things that start developing there, and of course, The Birth. I've had a lot of fears lately, probably because I've been watching Call the Midwife. Luckily I finished season two last night so I can put all of that aside for a little while. No need to get all worked up now - there's plenty of time to get worked up later-!


  1. Felix goes through phases where it seems like he hardly eats a thing, but he's still growing so I try not to worry about it too much. I do make a dinner I know he'll love if it seems like he has been picky for a few meals in a row.

    I like your mentality on checking the box. I'm a big fan of Master Chef and last season, there was only one guy who would help others out when they forgot ingredients. He'd say, "If I go home tonight, (get eliminated), it won't be because I gave someone a clove of garlic." True enough, and he ended up winning the whole deal.

  2. Maybe it was something in the air (last night I too had a screaming boy that I tried to bring to bed and who ended up back in the pack and play screaming).

    Hopefully the food thing improves. While they may whine during pretty much the whole meal, my kids will eat just about anything.

    Teething here too. Ashlynn is up to three molars and Aidan is working on his first.

    Good luck with draw!

  3. Elena goes thru eating phases, or should I say not eating phases...I remember what my Dr told me when she was 1st starting on solids, if she only eats sweet potatoes, so what? at least she's eating. Maybe if B loves the curry, just make him the curry. Boring for you but could be comforting to him...just a thought.