Friday, November 11, 2016

On a tear

It's been very difficult to function all week. I feel profoundly traumatized and can't focus on anything but my rage. And the more people on Facebook or in the media who express any of the following sentiments, the angrier I get:

1. It's our democratic process, you have to accept it (NO we don't)
2. Stop whining and being a sore loser (did you people ever stop vilifying Obama? No? I didn't think so)
3. Reach out to the other side and see how they feel. Don't just be in your bubble. (I've been to the other side. It SUCKS)
4. It'll be ok. Don't worry. (No, it won't)

I'm not going to rant here but my experience on Facebook has been a fascinating sociological experiment. As soon as I started voicing my opinion about the results, all the koo koo birds started coming out from under their rocks and posting their gleeful gloating memes - Hillary on the guillotine, etc - on my posts. I would immediately delete them and unfriend. I also kept an eye on who was doing this to other people and deleted them before they got to me. Anyone being nasty or gloating on their own wall was unfriended because, really, who needs these ugly people? I unfriended about 20 people and I believe a few did me when I publicly invited people to. One crazy Christian chick followed me on to messenger after going on a rambling anti-gay rant and I let her have it hard. It's been non-stop confrontation and ugliness. Many of my friends have said they're getting off FB for a while because it's too upsetting. And I totally get that instinct. But.

For me it's been very galvanizing. I've always been a people pleaser who's afraid of confrontation and afraid of people thinking I was a bitch. So my FB persona has always been very light and neutral. But I think it's time to step it up a little, publicly and privately. There are some things going on with my business that I've ignored because, quite honestly, I've been too afraid. But I'm not now. 

Last night I sent a letter to the people who were being bullies online - those old friends of mine who weren't happy with my contests and so started attacking the event on FB - and told them their behavior was unacceptable and I've canceled the thing they were going to be in charge of next year.

Next, once I get a hold of his email, I'm going to formally ban that guy who was being a menace.

After that, I'm going to write to the guy who wanted to sell his vintage clothes at my event and was a huge pain in the ass and totally sneaky and underhanded and tell him that he is also banned.

Fuck you. FUCK all of you.

It's going to take a long time to undo a lifetime of fear and compliance - keeping one's head down just to get through feels way more comfortable. But it's time for me to be a better person, stand up for what's right, and face down the bullies. How can I teach my kids this if I'm not willing to do it myself???


  1. Yeah. Exactly. I'm incredibly angry and upset too. I wonder if there's ever been an election in our country's history in which people weren't just disappointed - but profoundly angry. I am also hearing lots of advice to reach out to the other side and build consensus. I could care less about building consensus with the deplorables. Hard times ahead, but at least we know there are lots of good people who feel the way we do.

  2. I'm in Canada, but I can say that everyone at work was talking about it the day after the election, in disbelief, and afraid. After our election last year I had to unfriend some people who were bashing the elected Prime Minister. I just have a hard time believing so many people are so hateful! I hope that everything turns out to be ok, but I am doubtful it will happen without some very big struggles ahead. :(

  3. We have all (family and friends) been feeling physically ill and going through the stages of grief. We knew there was a chance Trump could be elected and we talked regularly with various T supporters, so it's not like we're in some liberal bubble. My dad says he remembers being profoundly disappointed after a couple of other elections in his life, but never the "sick with worry" feeling he has now. Just as Obama was a first for all of us, so was the shock of 11/8/16.

    I have also disconnected from people this week. My younger son's birth family supports Trump so that adds a layer of complication in our open adoption.

  4. I hear you. it's ugly out there and quite frankly I don't want to understand because I can't understand. I feel like there's an alternate universe where all these people saw something I didn't. I hate everything about this bully of a man. He's a terrorist against climate change, women, Muslims and a whole lot more.

    Glad that you are standing up for yourself. It's a skill we might all need in the next few years.

  5. Good for you for speaking your truth loud and proud.

    I'm right there with you on the grief and anger. Well, I'm not a survivor of sexual abuse. But the rest. I'm just gutted.

    I'm not okay with people voting for a racist xenophobic homophobic. What they did was wrong. Whatever the reason. BUT. We won't get our candidate elected if we can't hear their fear. I can't help them with their racism and other hates but I think we have an obligation to hear their economic woes. I think Hillary was totally out of touch with that and that is why she lost.

    But I don't know how to have a conversation about that. I don't know how to get past my anger.

    I'm still sad that Bernie didn't get the nomination. I think he could have won. He spoke to those disenfranchised voters. He had ideals.