I think we're broken up. Although the BF had been cigarette-free and on the patch for a week and a half, Monday night he came over and I couldn't help but notice that the previously lost vaporizer was now found...and he was sucking on it all night, while simultaneously proclaiming to now be a non-smoker. I found this disturbing, but, as usual, tried to sweep it under the rug. As you do.
Then last night he texted me thanking me for helping him quit smoking. I was touched by this. But then he told me he's decided he's going to use the vape instead. Ummm...what? That's not quitting smoking. Maybe it's not as life threatening, but it's just another crutch. I texted that I thought the whole point was to be free of addiction and dependency, to not be constantly stopping to use some device to cover up anxiety. He tried to defend it to me, but I wasn't having it. He is never going to be free of addiction. He's a self-medicating addict.
Once again someone I love has chosen to self-medicate at the expense of a relationship with me. We really do date our parents, don't we?
I didn't know what to say so I texted a sad face. He said he's sorry he hurt me and he'll sleep on my couch and pick up his stuff in the morning. And so he did. I pretended to sleep as he got his stuff out of my closet and cleaned out his drawers, my heart pounding and nausea churning my stomach as I stared out the window with him inches away gathering his things. Then he left.
What have I learned from this experience?
Well, for one, never date a smoker. Just don't do it. Your whole life will be sabotaged by their stupid destructive habit. And make no mistake about it - they love the cigarettes more than you.
Be wary of people with dark pasts. Nine times out of ten they have not actually dealt with their issues even if they claim they have.
If someone makes way less money than you and has pretty much fucked up their whole life and lives in disorganized chaos when you are a very successful Type A person, you are not a match.
If someone has an obsessive, compulsive nature, watch out.
So that leaves single men available for me to date in the LA area at about zero. Good times.
Even worse, I either have to find someone to go to Hawaii with me in three weeks or not go at all (going alone does not appeal to me) for what was supposed to be our one year anniversary.
Good times all around.