The Weight

After a few months of pussyfooting around, I am determined to lose weight. I had always promised myself I wouldn't let myself go above 140 pounds, and yet here I am at 146, which apart from a brief stint in my early thirties, is the heaviest I've ever been outside of pregnancy. As with all of us, I've vacillated between "ah, who cares, you're not even technically overweight; you're older, you have two small children, just accept yourself and love your body," to "I know damned well the reason I'm this heavy is because I eat like crap and never move. I need to get my ass in gear." I don't even think I look that bad - but I do know that all of my clothes are too small, my jeans push my belly fat above the waist band into this super appealing paunch of flesh that didn't used to be there, I perpetually look about five months pregnant, and the $350 I just spent on fabulous 1940's gowns from Etsy was entirely for naught because both of them are a size too small. 

I was hovering around 144 until Bobby started school every day. Then instead of spending Tuesdays and Thursdays on long sweaty walks with the kids in the jogging stroller, I sit at home on my ass pissing around on the computer while Theo naps. That and a little too much enthusiastic winter baking and blammo - three more pounds. 

Back around 2004 when I was equally determined to lose weight I engineered a sensible diet for myself - dramatic cut down of carbs, no sweets, small portions, healthy stuff, plus a short Pilates workout every morning. I lost 25 pounds in a couple of months and kept it off for several years. But it was a lot of work to stay that skinny. Ultimately, I decided it wasn't worth it.

But. I think it's realistic to try to drop 5-10 pounds over the next couple of months by just making better choices. I already eat pretty damned well - no soda, no snacking, no junk food, no cereal, rarely desserts, no processed food, rarely pasta, and cook everything from scratch. You would think I'd be thin as a rail, wouldn't you? Nope. I guess there's always room for improvement!

My goal is to fit into my Etsy dresses by our next weekend event gig first weekend of March. I may not make it but I'm going to try. Theo officially starts school Tuesdays and Thursdays on March 15, so I can use those days to do challenging hikes. I can do this!