I've been camped out on the couch all week, which is an odd throwback to the couple of months I left Theo in my room while I slept on the couch before I moved him up to the attic. Access to our clothes is difficult since all the furniture is pushed together and covered in drop cloths, and I really wish I'd planned a bit better and not just left my dirty bed linens all piled on the bed along with other random objects that are now sealed in a plaster dust and plastic drop cloth cocoon.
There was brief hope yesterday that the floor guys would start tomorrow and finish Saturday, meaning the job would be done by Sunday. But now it looks like the painters may not even be done tomorrow. And so it goes. For sure by middle of next week, though, we'll be there.
I was glad Bobby didn't react badly to his room being painted over with wallpaper primer. I warned him about it for days, so when he finally saw it yesterday evening, he said he liked it. I'm not sure how he's processing all the changes. The last couple of days he's been pretty mean to me - I find myself repeatedly lecturing him about not hurting people's feelings and that saying certain things to people is mean; I'm not sure if he's acting out because of all the upheaval or if he's just at that phase of development.
When I was his age my mother was getting a divorce and dragging me and my sister into a series of flaky living arrangements, including one involving a woman who apparently had a crush on her and bent all the keys of my mother's typewriter when she was spurned. So...yeah. I think Bobby so far is living a way happier, more stable life than I did.
Here are some photos of the stenciling, including Banksy stencils, my sister painstakingly painted in Bobby's room that are now gone forever. *sniff*
Hi!
ReplyDeleteWe don`t know each other, but I enjoy reading your blog :-)
However, I am worried that you might be about to make a mistake if you really confront your boyfriend with your "demands" that he has to quit smoking and drinking energy drinks. I mean, granted, smoking is unhealthy (my dad died from lung cancer, so I know what I am talking about) and his spending habits aren't ideal.
But you are basically trying to force him to either adapt himself with his whole personality to your wishes or to end this relationship. Because what someone eats or drinks is a very personal decision. How would you feel if someone forced you to become a vegetarian (or if you are a vegetarian to start eating meat) "because it is healthier / cheaper"?? That's an absolute no-go. If you are in a relationship, you have to treat the other person as an adult who is allowed and capable of making decisions for himself.
With respect to his financial situation, I would try to take a step back and relax, aswell. After all you don't *need* to share bank accounts ever, even if you stay together: nobody forces you to share your bank accounts. Besides, worrying about possible long-term future problems is a bit overthinking anyway, if you come up with ideas of why to break up with him every couple months. In fact, I have had this thought with more than one SMC-blogger (I read them all because I am trying myself), that maybe you are afraid of too much closeness and unconsciously search for reasons to push people away? And naturally, you will always find reasons, because nobody is perfect.
Why don't you try to enjoy what you have now without worrying too much about the future? Would your life really be better without him? Because you will certainly never find a person who is absolutely flawless. That person does not exist. And to me it looks as if the two of you were a good team, had fun together, similar interests, he likes the boys and vice versa, and he has put up with your "the talks" in the past. And if you are more happy with him than without him at this moment, it would be stupid to risk this relationship only due to possible future financial problems and bad habits.
Sorry if that sounded too patronizing, I just don't want you to break up without really having thought about it before :)
All the best,
D.
I just want to say that I find the above comment to be pretty blatantly sexist. As an SMC the blogger would like to find love and adult companionship, sure, but she doesn't NEED a boyfriend in any way. Why not hold out for someone who can meet her desired qualifications as a life partner? If good money management and non-smoking is on that list (it is for me, as well) then she has nothing to lose by waiting for someone more compatible to come along. It's ridiculous to suggest that she should overlook major problems just to have a boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteI say to the blogger, good for you for giving it a try and taking a risk, but don't take TOO much of a risk! If you have these feelings now that you won't be compatible in the future, it's reasonable to consider avoiding major conflicts in the future by ending it now.
Long time reader, first time commenter...
ReplyDeleteI can see the point in both these comments, but I feel the need to defend D. I don't think the comments were sexist. I think they were just cautionary. No one is saying that she "needs" a man or to be in a relationship, but instead is suggesting that maybe her expectations may need to be adjusted a little if she feels this guy is worth hanging onto.
My unsolicited advice is to just take some time to figure out if this is what you really want. No need to make it a forever, serious thing right now. Explore your feelings. Ask yourself, how do you feel when you're with him? How do you feel at the thought of him? Is life happier with or without him? Is he the kind of person you'd like by your side as you grow old? Or does he cause you more irritation than joy?
My own experience with dating and relationships has led me to believe that nobody is ever going to meet my expectations of the perfect man. If I want to be with someone, I have to accept that there are going to be things about them that drive me nuts. But everyone has different tolerance levels. At the end of the day, you have to gauge what's more important to you: having a relationship or reducing stressors/conflicts. There's nothing wrong with either choice.