It's been an odd week. Over the weekend I got the wild hair to have a serious sit down with The Boyfriend; a possible relationship-ender. Which has sent me into a maelstrom of mixed feelings and second guessing. And then he ended up having the worst week of his life at work - everyone calling in sick and him having to manage on his own, working until almost midnight every night and miserable. He's gone home every night. So, not a good time to confront him. And now it's Valentine's Day in two days. Sigh. There's just never a good time to have "the talk".
Number one is I have to tell him he has to make a plan to quit smoking, or I'm out. He has many unhealthy, compulsive habits, but this is by far the worst as it directly affects me and my kids. Next is the all-day guzzling of energy drinks. Then it's the compulsive shopping and bad financial habits. He finally got health insurance at the end of the year, and I was excited to have him finally have a thorough checkup and get his teeth looked at - only to cancel it before it even started because he "can't afford it", yet every time we go anywhere he insists on spending hours in the gift shop to buy the boys tons of plastic crap they don't need, and throws away way more than he'd be spending on health insurance on cigarettes and energy drinks each day. It's infuriating. I had convinced myself that until we were living together or married that these were his problems and not mine...but now, seven months in, I'm questioning if I even should be contemplating a future with someone who has such an addictive, compulsive nature. It scares the crap out of me, truth be told.
And it's such a shame because he is a really good man. Good character, good brain, excellent with the kids. He's not perfect; nor am I, or anyone. But I just don't think I can live with his flaws. If he can't quit smoking and stay quit I just don't think I can go on. I have no idea how he's going to react to this. I brought it up once via text when we first started dating and he was kind of weird and defensive...and I resolved to not bring it up again so as not to be a nag. But the time has come. He'll either love me enough to quit and get healthy for us, or he won't and I'll move on. And that's that.