Saturday, August 15, 2015

Dance like nobody's looking

I finally got to tell my sister about the new guy yesterday (she'd been on vacation and then catching up with work for about two weeks). Then last night he took me to meet his "family" - his parents are gone, so oddly enough the Hungarian/German relatives of his first wife have adopted him. Apparently they never see her but he hangs out with them all the time. They were lovely, warm people, and I could tell they had a great deal of affection for him. He told me he never took his ex-girlfriend of six months over there but took me in just a month of dating. Which says a lot about his regard for me and my place in his life.

And that place is huge. He talks a lot about our future - in somewhat guarded tones, because he doesn't want to freak me out - which is both thrilling and scary. Have I felt like I had a future with someone before and had it all fall apart horribly? Yes. Am I cautious now because of that? No. You only live once, you know? I say just go with your feelings, freely and without fear, dance like nobody's looking, and if it doesn't work out, fuck it. At least you had an interesting experience.

In one of my book clubs someone posited the question, would you rather be a 40 year old grandmother or a 40 year old virgin? I went for grandmother. I was quite shocked anyone would choose virgin, but quite a few people did. I think your answer to this question says a lot about your approach to life. 

So what will happen with this guy? Who the hell knows? I feel nothing but good things about him right now, and see a bright future. But I have felt this way about other people before, absolutely. Has he? He says no, that even with his two ex wives he didn't feel the way he does about me. Is he full of shit? I'd like to think not. 

It's funny that the things that trouble me are the little stupid things and not the big things. I have zero concerns about introducing him to the kids at some point, for example. But I am concerned about him potentially living here and where all our shit is going to go and what the hell I'm going to cook for him and am I going to be stuck doing his laundry and being a maid. Those things trouble me a lot because I know what happens when men and women get together - the woman just turns into a free housekeeper. I already have to do the work of three people and that is quite enough, thank you very much. 

These are the things I think about.

For today I am up in the play space with the kids (the best I can manage after three hours' sleep and on this triple-digit day) and then later tonight he's taking me out. I'm just going to take this one day at a time and try not to sweat the small stuff.


  1. Wow look at Theo! Such a big boy now!

  2. When did Theo get so big, and with all that gorgeous hair?!? Sounds like you have a great attitude and are having tons of fun. Worst case scenario, you'll have some great memories and will have been reminded of how awesome you are and of what you deserve romantically, right?

  3. wow, you sound so grounded! i wish i could sound like that when i am dating!

    and i totally worry about that little stuff you mention. a LOT. but if you aren't ALSO worrying about the big stuff, you are off to a grand start!

    i can't wait to hear how it all goes. you better keep us posted! (and did you tell us if the sex was amazing?)

  4. I don't know why anyone would pick virgin either. Think of all those years wondering what you're missing. Whereas grandmother - well, maybe it implies some intense years in there raising a child when you're still not grown yourself, maybe some worries about your kid doing the same thing - but still, not so much to regret.
    I love it that the relatives of his first wife "adopted" him. They've known him for so much longer than you have, and they have these really warm feelings for him, so that suggests there aren't going to be any scary surprises where he's concerned. Keep having fun. :)

  5. Worrying about all that small stuff is what keeps me from even jumping into the game! Very glad it's going so well! Enjoy...because even if it does all go to crap, you deserve to enjoy it while it's great!

  6. I'm with Tiara, and I stink at choosing men. It sounds like things are going really well and that your're happy, which is great. Keep having a good time, and the small stuff and expectations will come out the more you guys talk.

  7. Theo is soooo cute. Look at that smile!

    I'm happy that you "only" have to worry about the small stuff with this guy. It all sounds so promising!