My friend is visiting from New York and his excitement about LA is infectious. I really do love this place - mostly because there is so much of it to love. You forget how vast it is until seen from a Manhattanite's eyes. He is auditioning for agents and managers and just got signed so will probably be moving here in a few weeks. More friends = awesome.
Last night I saw the Scientology documentary on HBO and had a weird trigger-y reaction afterwards. I was not a Scientologist growing up but the similarities between that and my kooky religion cannot be ignored. It's kind of all the same thing, you know? The mind control, the need to cut off family if they don't believe, etc etc. Taking notes for my podcast debut!
I'm currently experiencing a little pre-menstrual self-loathing and self-doubt regarding The Love Interest. Sometimes I feel like, "how could this not work out?", but then others I feel like I'm crazy for even trying. What can possibly happen? He'll either turn me down flat or kind of go for it at first, get my hopes up, and then at about the six week mark start acting all cold and weird and finally after much prompting pull the ol' "we need to talk" thing. Either that or I'll get a post-it that says "I can't. I'm sorry. Don't hate me." If that happens, can I get caught smoking a joint with my three best friends on a wild night out? No? Dammit.
I do worry that based on my childhood issues I am just naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable men. But then I feel like in today's world all men are emotionally unavailable. The emotionally available ones are already in relationships. Right?
Anyway. I'm a gambler by nature and all I can do is try. If he shoots me down I just have to put my big girl pants on and take it. I pushed two human beings out of my vag, surely I can handle a little rejection.