Monday, October 27, 2014


It's been a weird few days. Lots of bad feelings and weird incidents, but I'm so frigging exhausted I feel like I'm in a fog, and this fatigue fog is kind of protecting me from the worst of it.

Friday I came home from a brief grocery trip to find my gate open and voices along the side of my house. It was my neighbor talking to a young black man who was randomly standing by my dining room window - meaning he had climbed two flights of stairs to get there, he didn't just take a step or two off the street. He immediately explained that some guys were chasing him and he was hiding. There was nobody on the street for miles. He made a quick exit and I rather stupidly wished him to "take care" and "be safe"...but then my neighbor said he didn't buy the guy's story, said he'd watched him saunter up the stairs and walk all around my house, snooping in windows. I called the cops bit of course they said there was nothing they could do about it. I've been horribly on edge ever since - clearly this could have been horrible, had my neighbor not been home, or had I surprised him inside my house instead of just my yard. I don't even want to think of what could have happened. I feel incredibly vulnerable and unsafe. The worst is because of the kids I can't keep a loaded gun lying around like I use to to make me feel like I would at least have some chance of defending myself if the worst happened. I am so not in any space mentally, emotionally, or financially to be able to handle being the victim of a crime right now. Especially not a break in which would make me not want to be here, my safe place. Please tell me we thwarted the thieves and they've moved on! People tonight at my gig told me this is a common scenario (the I'm being chased bit) and that not even my window bars will protect me - that they'll just pull them right off. Oh great. 

So the next day I had all day with the kids (after zero sleep and jumping at every noise) and then a miserable drive to San Diego and back for a gig, got home after 3 AM, and then another long day with the kids only to put on yet another Halloween costume and do yet another gig tonight. Beyond tired doesn't even begin to describe how I feel right now.

Of course today we had to have yet another in a series of unpleasant playground incidents. We've been going back to Third Trimester Park (gated, toddlers and babies only) because we've been having some nice relaxed times there. However, today once again a bunch of big kids were there, totally inappropriately, because their parents were hanging out somewhere else in the park and they were bored. So these three tween-aged girls were going down the little tiny slides and riding the tiny little tricycles, and at one point playing this not-so-friendly game of keep-away from Bumpus, which irked me, but eventually they tired of it and left. But then these two boys did the same, and they weren't so nice - sticking their tongues out and making faces at him while he guilelessly chased after them thinking he'd made friends. Then another older boy, about ten or so, who had been playing with the girls, came over and asked the boys what they were playing and could he play, too, and they pointed at B and said they were running away from him, and the boy oddly said, "I always do." At this point I jumped up and walked over to them and told them absolutely not, to stop it right now, that they were not playing nicely with him, I saw what they were doing, that he's only two years old and to leave him alone and stop being mean to him. One said B had thrown sand (he did not) and the other said they weren't doing anything. Yeah, right! 

What exactly goes through the mind of a ten or eleven-year-old that makes them think it's ok to tease and humiliate a little toddler in diapers? What the fuck is wrong with people? 

We've dealt with this several times before and I've always let it go because B is oblivious and it usually doesn't go further than running away from him - and unfortunately B is so friendly and trusting that he gets himself into these situations where kids start to mistreat him, whereas if he was more shy or afraid of people stuff like this wouldn't happen. But I'm no longer going to keep my mouth shut. Until B can defend himself I'm going to do it - I'm going to immediately shut down that mean teasing keep-away bullshit kids do. And you can bet if one day B or T treated a little kid like that I would kick their asses. 

I think kids get to a certain age and you think you can let them loose on a playground and they'll be ok without your supervision - what parents don't seem to get is your kid might be causing the problem and you have to be there to keep their behavior in check. Every time we've been through this there are no parents for miles, otherwise I'd go to them instead. And for fuck's sake, stay out of the toddler playground!!!

Right now I just feel shitty and scared and like no place is safe. Our home is vulnerable to intruders and there's nothing I can do to protect us; you go to a nice park for babies and a bunch of adolescent jerks victimize your toddler. Is no place sacred???


  1. That is really scary about finding that guy at your window. My guess is he has moved on because two people have seen him and could identify him. (Maybe that'll make you feel better?????)

  2. Whilst a gun is not a good idea to keep in the house you might consider a can of mace? You can put it out of reach of the children but at least if they do find it they won't kill one another! I actually sleep with a can within arms reach of my bed but out of sight of potential intruders. It's the heavy duty stuff and I got it at I'd rather have an illegal can of that then a gun anyways. Just a suggestion but it may allay your fears a little.

  3. I would be terrified too. No wonder you feel so vulnerable. That fear & anxiety will weigh heavy for a while. Some solace will be that when it's T's turn he will have B there to protect him

  4. wow, that story about the playground kids gets me so mad. i can get a bit Mama Bear on kids that are being too rough around Calliope. I wouldn't stand for it. Their parents aren't nearby and aren't monitoring their kids adequately, therefore you have to, unfortunately, do their job for them.

    I remember a three or four year old randomly hauled off and punched Calliope one time, for no apparent reason, when she was maybe 2.5. I roared "NO!!! You may NOT hit her!" really loud and scared him. Good! There's no excuse for that. Hopefully he won't do it to the next innocent victim.

    In your scenario of bigger kids I might also have said something to the parents, but frankly, probably YOU saying something to them was much more scary and thus effective. I bet they won't mess with him again!

    Unfortunately, there seems to be a little Lord of the Flies thing that naturally occurs among kids... but it's our job as adults to curb it until they grow out of it.

    No good advice about the prowler, unfortunately. That sucks. I'm sorry you are so stressed about it. I'm sure I would be, too.

  5. Do they have courtesy checks where you are? Here you can call the non emergency police number and request a ride by so they see if anyone is hanging around the house. We used to do it for my grandmother all the time.

  6. The intruder situation is scary. Do you have a home alarm system? That may put your mind at rest at night, it may even serve as a deterrent if they see you have an alarm system.

  7. I think it's excellent that your neighbor not only saw the guy, but confronted him. That is absolutely the #1 deterrent in cases like home break-ins. (And I'm not just saying that.)

  8. My daughter is only 19 months but she loves older boys, and they are so mean to her! They say hurtful things and try to get rid of her. I understand that they don't want a baby around, but jeesh. So far the older girls have been much nicer.

    Have you thought about a noisemaker that sounds like a gunshot? Would scare the shit out of a prowler. Also a button that immediately connects with a security company, like OnStar but for the house.

  9. I hear that having the lights on and having a dog are just as effective as an alarm system. Although getting a dog would be a bit of a huge endeavour, like having another child, but at least be sure to keep the lights on!

  10. I'm glad you spoke up for B at the playground. Another thing to add to your arsenal is telling the older kids that this is not a conversation and they need to stop. I've had to do my share too and I can't stand it when they steal Foxue's toys and are so shocked I'm taking them back.